Follow
Share

I really don't want to go through the prep/packing/airport and am just not into this anymore. We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren, youngest in senior year and college bound.
I am burned out. Worked for many,many years and did most of the child rearing. My husband was supportive when home. Now he has become all in for seeing widespread children and travel to see them for holidays. they used to travelto us but now they have older kis and it is difficult. Well thats okay as we see them the rest of the year. Oe lives near , one an easy drive and the other requiring a long drive or expensive airline tickets quite frankly, I am burned out. For my husband, he has become all up for family gathering/gradually. I'm burned out.

Find Care & Housing
If you are staying at home on Christmas and there's no family there, then your Christmas celebration with your husband, given it usually included family, would be not much of a celebration, anyway. So I agree with those who suggest he go where he wishes (he of course packs for himself; he is a grownup) and has a great time, and you stay home. Have a zoom call with family, take a walk and enjoy the lights and celebration, and do as you wish with your day. Put your feet up and watch bad Christmas movies, attend services, or sleep the entire day, have a turkey sandwich with a good wine at dinner.

There's no use arguing about this. You aren't joined at the hip. Hook up a zoom call. Enjoy your day.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Not sure how this is a caregiving question or topic, but sounds like hubby goes to see family on his own and you stay home on your own. Problem solved.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

The last thing that seems festive these days is flying to celebrate with family! Delayed flights, sleeping on the floor at airports, lost luggage, planes nicking each others' wings on the tarmac or even worse, crashing midair - what exactly is fun about any of that?

How about telling husband all of the above valid reasons for not going, then suggesting something that's fun for the two of you. Staying home and enjoying each others' company….going to a nearby resort and spend the holiday having fun together there….skiing….walking on the beach in a warm state…. anything but getting together with the kids and dealing with all the expectations that go with it. Like washing large pots, sharing bathrooms in a crowded house, and UGH!

All too soon our health fails, our dreams of a future together are crushed, and we no longer have our life companion by our side. I know this from personal experience. Let the holidays be about the two of you, anywhere. You can always call the kids and listen to the mayhem from far, far away. And you won't have to stir the gravy or pretend to enjoy the trip to the mall.

Happy holidays!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

I hear the weariness in your words, and it makes complete sense. You’ve carried so much over the years — raising children, working hard, holding the family together — and now that exhaustion is catching up with you. That doesn’t make you selfish or uncaring, it just makes you human.

It’s also natural that your husband feels pulled toward family gatherings and wants to keep up those traditions, while you’re at a different place emotionally and physically. You’re not alone — many caregivers, mothers, and long-time “doers” feel exactly the same way when the energy simply isn’t there anymore.

Sometimes the best path is compromise — maybe he goes on the longer trip if it means so much to him, while you save your energy for the nearer family or for quality time together when everyone visits you. Or perhaps you set limits: one big trip a year instead of every holiday.

The important thing is to honor your own needs while still keeping the bonds of family. Burnout is real, and your feelings matter just as much as his hopes.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to TenderStrength5
Report

Put him on a Plane , , stay Home and let His children take care of him . Then you have your Own vacation at Home . I stopped seeing My X relatives I didn't Like Many Years ago . I Let Him go to Florida on His own . Someone wants to take a vacation Let them but you don't have to go. Stay Home , get a massage , Pedicure, go out to eat and enjoy your Own company for Once . Buy yourself some flowers, Light a candle on the holidays and have a glass of wine .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KNance72
Report

My last flying experience will probably be my last. My SIL planned everything so really didn't realize coming home was on 4th. Plane canceled. 10 hr layover, security and customs. We hadn't flown in 20 yrs so big changes.

At 76 I so agree with you. Flying to see the Children around Christmas is not my cup of tea either.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Here's a link to a discussion about 1001 Ways To Say No

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/1001-ways-to-say-no-495556.htm
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Is there a compromise ?
You see the kids a week or 2 before Christmas for an early holiday , when it’s not as crazy at the airport.
I don’t blame you not wanting to fly during the holidays.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

There's nothing wrong with saying "I don't feel like going!" Being burned out and all the hectic holiday rush is enough to make anyone want peace and quiet! Tell the family I love them and have a good time dear, I'm going to sit this one out. Burn out and stress is asking for physical illness that you don't need. Help him get to the airport and say you'll be fine. The kids can pick him up and take care of him from there. Enjoy your "self" time!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JuliaH
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter