My father was put on hospice 2 months ago when he could still eat, get himself to bathroom with help, dress with help. He is 95 and has late stage dementia. We did not administer any of the special hospice meds until last week as he gets agitated at night and cannot sleep anymore. I have given the Morphine and Lorazepam at night for a week. He sleeps most of the day now. How can I feel like I’m not killing him by giving him his prescribed meds. He does not want to live like this I know that. Everyone says give him the meds as prescribed, every 2 hours. I know he’s dying but I know this will hasten his death so I have terrible guilt. How do I get over the guilt of medicating him the way he was prescribed. Emotional. Thank you.
Indeed, indeed, your hospice people may have left you with written guidelines. We had a chart, and we entered the time, the symptoms, and the drug and amount. Check throught the paperwork to see if there is help.
I remember being horrified that it took a WHOLE oral syringe of something (mind you, these were itty bitty syringes, but not being medical, I did not fully grasp this, until I filled a used one with water and squeeze the contents into a measuring spoon. It turned out to be about a quarter teaspoon. Your hospice nurses can help you understand the reasons, amounts and timing of the medicines. And they are probably good at helping non-medical caregivers with some of our anxieties about these things.
The medications are keeping him comfortable and easing this scary transition, which is inevitable with or without the medications.
You are not killing him, you are making him more comfortable. You could opt to place him in a hospice care facility where nurses will administer the meds. But I sense you would feel terrible guilt if he died without you nearby.
Take this time to reminisce with him and say your goodbyes. His nighttime agitation is probably fear of dying, which he knows is coming. The medication is to ease that fear. You're doing him a favor.
Both my parents required morphine for pain. My father suffered a fractured hip and was placed on hospice the last five months of his life and died at age 91. My mother had stomach cancer and took medication for that. She had difficulty breathing the last three weeks of her life and passed away from heart failure at age 95.
I watched an episode of the Pitt recently. There was an elderly man who was brought in. His adult children had shared POA. The daughter was ADAMANT that every single intervention possible be done for her 90ish dad. The brother knew his dad didn't want it (as did she) but didn't want to upset his sister. The doctor basically begged them not to do all of the interventions. The daughter insisted. I know it is just a tv show, but the level of pain conveyed in his last hours, the agitation, the struggle, were all very obvious in those scenes and very hard to watch. And it didn't prolong his life. It just made him miserable.
Hospice, including those medications, is designed to provide comfort and ease the time. Not just for your loved one. But for you as well. Reach out to them and share your feelings, they can offer support and guidance.
I didn’t understand the stages of dying and why the agitation. They helped me understand it, and I medicated him as directed first every four hours then we increased it as they directed.
you are not a medical professional. So you need to trust their decisions and ask questions to clarify for yourself.
Hope this helps very difficult and emotional set of circumstances. Make him as comfortable as possible.
When I am dying, I hope someone will give those medications.
As others here have written, talk to the hospice nurses. My mothers were wonderful founts of knowledge. Very kind too. They also directed me to a grief support group after Mom's passing.
When it's my turn for hospice, please GIVE ME the meds intended to keep me comfortable and not upset and scared and in pain while I'm dying. Please don't feel GUILTY about keeping me peaceful and comfortable instead of stressed to the max and freaking out. Hospice is not intended to kill me, the cancer is going to do that. Hospice is intended to prevent my discomfort, anxiety and anguish during the dying process. And NOT to put it ONTO my family instead in the form of misguided "guilt" over following my WISHES.
Thank you. See you on the Other Side.
This question, of course, should be brought to HOSPICE, not to a Forum of strangers. Seek their advice if you don't understand medications you are administering and when, where, why and how to administer them.
I know in my heart it is helping him relax.
He was reaching out and his legs were jittery. But now he is calm.
He is listening to a rotation of a few hours of Benny Goodman (his favorite), then classical music for an hour or two, then backyard birdsong, quietly at his bedside.
Please know you are not hastening his death, as the wise Forum members have posted. You are giving him peace. I'll be thinking of you.
Your father has lived a very long life and he is lucky to have you. He is dying. There is nothing you can do about this and withholding his meds would be cruel and selfish.
Good luck. Yes, ask hospice for a chaplain or someone you can talk to. HUGS
And that is a gift to be able to make sure that your father is comfortable now, so just enjoy whatever time you may have left with him and know that one's hearing is the last sense to go, so make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
You're doing a great job, don't ever second guess that. I'm sure your father is very proud of the great care you are giving him in his final days.
God bless you as you take this final journey with your father.
If you get a chance check out Hospice Nurse Julie on YouTube she has LOTS of videos explaining a lot of what is going on and she does it in a very down to earth manner.