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How about looking for an easier alternative. Hire a self contained cabin somewhere nice, not too far away, good view over a lake or countryside. That would be nice for W to sit outside in the sun and look at the view, probably other cabiners who might come and chat, and an opportunity for you to swim/climb while she watched. If it turns out that W copes better than expected, you can do day trips from the cabin. It may not be as exciting as you hoped, but it is not likely to go badly.
I was a cruise ship doctor for a major cruise line for over 15 years and sailed around the world. I am EM board certified. The number of people we medically disembarked due to increased care needs, crises, and medical decompensation was astounding. The family’s holiday was completely disrupted and there were increased costs for flights and hotel, hospital in foreign countries, and medical repatriation. The ones who came aboard with private hired caregivers familiar with the care needs and knowledgeable about medications and care, mostly flew below the radar and stayed on board. If you are considering, be the later. Bring your own caregivers and supplies and medications.
I’ve had people show up 2 days post cardiac bypass, on active chemotherapy for cancer, needing drugs refrigerated for cancer and needing blood transfusions. Completely demented and needing 24/7 supervision and family wants a holiday and thinks cruise ship staff will care for them. People yelling Help Me from cabins while family are elsewhere onboard are rapidly medically disembarked, in my experience. Hire and pay for the caregiver support you need for these ventures and only with a willing and cognizant patient. I’ve had wonderful guests with end stage cancer and health problems who brought whatever help they needed, medicine, and were on their last big adventure. I’ve had families bring patients with acute hip and shoulder fractures after a fall and completely doped up on pain meds and total care because the family didn’t want to lose their money on a paid cruise. If you have a significant medical situation or injury on board you will be medically disembarked in the next port of call. Your family traveling with you will be significantly inconvenienced. If you have significant health problems, stay close to home and reliable health care. I’ve had to medically disembark many seniors and others who were on the trip of a lifetime. Their cabin is packed up by staff and they are left in a local hospital with the ship’s agent to assist them with transportation back home. If they are lucky. Yes accidents happen to younger people in their 60’s and they survive the ordeal. Very old people with many medical needs don’t belong on cruise ships around the world unless the people traveling with them are prepared for the contingencies. IMO.
You are right to be concerned. A cruise would be dangerous, she could wander off, or fall overboard. Or get agitated and want to go home, which could result in the ship dropping you both off at the nearest port, far from home!
A road trip would be exhausting. What about local parks where you live? Have a picnic and see how she does.
Breaking up her routine will usually not go well. You should try an overnight "getaway" at a hotel near home, as a test. You can easily get home if she gets upset. See how she acts in an unfamiliar place.
Does she ask you about vacations? Or are you the one wanting to travel?
Who wants to go on this trip ? You , your wife , or both of you ? I think if you are concerned , I wouldn’t do it , especially not a National Park or long road trip . I would stick to brief trip closer to home if you go at all. My FIl wanted us to take him on a cruise. We said “No”. He did not understand the issues we would be facing . Your wife most likely does not either. For us it would have meant a walker , a wheelchair , a case of Depends, wound care supplies , meds , etc. My husband would have had to stay with him in his cabin , so he didn’t wander off. The entire trip would have been waiting in lines at the elevator with him in the wheelchair so he could wine and dine the way he remembered he used to do with his wife. In reality he was hardly eating more than one small meal a day . And he also refused showers . The other paying passengers would not have been happy anywhere near him .
The key here is you say you already have concerns . We can’t always fulfill a wish for LO.
I don’t think it’s a good idea. You might think she’d like this vacation but she is not the person she was. She needs stability and a routine now. She’s better off staying home.
I suggest you get respite care and you take that vacation without her. You probably could use some time away.
I agree with the suggestions about taking her on a few brief trips locally before attempting something this major. You could even take her for an overnight to a nice local hotel and see how well she does.
Keep in mind that cruise ships are notorious for tiny bathrooms. Can she manage that, including showering? In addition to possible seasickness, the rolling motion of a ship (which might be too mild for an able-bodied person to detect) can affect her if she has balance issues.
Does she wander? If so, this could be dangerous if she might do so while you're asleep or in the bathroom.
You might need to reconcile yourself to taking short trips by yourself while family members or paid caregivers watch her.
It's a hard realization, especially if you planned to spend your retirement years traveling. I'm sorry if it comes to that point.
Please think this through. My Dad has Dementia and my Mom tried to take him on one last trip. Dad ended up waking up confused in the middle of the night and walking to the balcony. He could have fallen to his death! Mom ended up bringing him home early and lost $ on the hotel
I totally agree. I have a friend who took her dementia parents on a last road trip from Texas to Colorado. Her dad peeded in the corner of the hotel room, refused to shower and became combative. Her mother was totally disoriented and no help. She had her adult daughter with her but it sounded like hell. Don’t do it. I was a doctor on cruise ships for over 10 years. Bring reliable and familiar caregivers with you and pay for their accommodation and 24/7 care and bring your own medications. Don’t expect anything from onboard medical or you will be medically disembarked in the next port. I suggest instead short day trips for 1-2,hours and do not disrupt the old person schedule. The relatives can come visit Them, in their home or take them to a comfy local restaurant and pay so You get a break. These big dramatic cruise trips with very old people and many medical problems don’t end well. I have medically disembarked many people in this situation and their families vacation was ruined and it was very costly getting everyone back home. Don’t do it.
I wouldn't attempt any sort of vacation with a person who has diagnosed dementia. A steep worsening of cognitive ability can happen any time. With my husband, he could hold himself together well enough at home, but take him to the dentist, a public rest room, a waiting room at the car repair place while waiting for an oil change - new behaviors would appear. Such as taking things that didn't belong to him, picking bits of paper up off the floor and putting them in his mouth, screaming in the rest room when I was helping him go to the toilet, and climbing into the dentist chair with his head where the feet should go - how much of that could you stand when far away from home? It's exhausting for a caregiver, not to mention for the loved one, who will not understand that anything is wrong except that you're upset and have to go lie down in your room after dealing with their shenanigans. Which gives them the perfect opportunity to ecape the room and look for the dinosaur they think they saw in the elevator.
https://www.elitecruisesandvacationstravel.com/upcoming-dementia-friendly-cruises.html has dedicated dementia friendly cruises. They offer daily respite and full time aides, and they’ve been around a while. I would call them and ask how good a candidate wife is. Their whole model relies on including only patients they believe can maintain behavior on the boat as vs demanding to get off of it. I would use them as a vetting strategy even if you don’t go with them.
Some excellent answers here... My sister brought my mom back where we grew up for a visit. One sister and I still live there. My other sister and my mom lived very far away. My mother was in very early stages of dementia and the trip really threw her. She was very much out of her comfort zone and was very uncomfortable and rattled, Even though she was there to revisit family and she visited me at my home and other family members, she clearly did not enjoy it. She was in unfamiliar territory (to her) even though it should have been familiar. You perhaps would like to visit national parks or go on a cruise but just ask yourself how your wife might react. Could you perhaps do a day trip to a pretty park? Take her to listen to some music? You can still give her enjoyment but you also want her to be comfortable. You want to look at the situation through her eyes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A road trip would be exhausting. What about local parks where you live? Have a picnic and see how she does.
Breaking up her routine will usually not go well. You should try an overnight "getaway" at a hotel near home, as a test. You can easily get home if she gets upset. See how she acts in an unfamiliar place.
Does she ask you about vacations? Or are you the one wanting to travel?
You , your wife , or both of you ?
I think if you are concerned , I wouldn’t do it , especially not a National Park or long road trip . I would stick to brief trip closer to home if you go at all.
My FIl wanted us to take him on a cruise.
We said “No”. He did not understand the issues we would be facing . Your wife most likely does not either. For us it would have meant a walker , a wheelchair , a case of Depends, wound care supplies , meds , etc. My husband would have had to stay with him in his cabin , so he didn’t wander off.
The entire trip would have been waiting in lines at the elevator with him in the wheelchair so he could wine and dine the way he remembered he used to do with his wife. In reality he was hardly eating more than one small meal a day . And he also refused showers . The other paying passengers would not have been happy anywhere near him .
The key here is you say you already have concerns . We can’t always fulfill a wish for LO.
I suggest you get respite care and you take that vacation without her. You probably could use some time away.
Keep in mind that cruise ships are notorious for tiny bathrooms. Can she manage that, including showering? In addition to possible seasickness, the rolling motion of a ship (which might be too mild for an able-bodied person to detect) can affect her if she has balance issues.
Does she wander? If so, this could be dangerous if she might do so while you're asleep or in the bathroom.
You might need to reconcile yourself to taking short trips by yourself while family members or paid caregivers watch her.
It's a hard realization, especially if you planned to spend your retirement years traveling. I'm sorry if it comes to that point.
Just NO.
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