My wife has dementia, and I am concerned about taking her on a vacation. Any tips or suggestions for planning a vacation?

How bad is her dementia? My husband and I are flying internationally for 5 weeks. I made all the arrangements. I am giving us breaks between segments so that he can rest. I will do all the driving, even though he thinks he can and should. He is a little apprehensive, but we are going to visit family and I have brought everyone up to date on how he is in his progression. He has some good days when he is 100% with it, but that means he is aware of his deficiencies and appreciates that I manage everything. Then he has days when he is different and hasn't a clue how to do what he is supposed to do. If your wife is in this stage of dementia, very careful planning can make it a good trip for both of you.
1. Make sure you get the relaxation you need. If you are exhausted and frustrated you will both be miserable.
2. Make sure whatever you do is comfortable and comforting. A lot of people and new things is never a good idea with dementia. They can get overstimulated easily.
3. Consider a trip to visit family and friends that you both hold dear but haven't seen recently. Plan some nice outings in calm, comfortable places. If music calms her take in a concert. If she likes arts and crafts do a paint-your-own-picture day. 4. Don't plan too many events per day.
5. If taking a car trip plan on stopping at minimum every 2 hours. Make this more than just a restroom stop, and make sure there is something to do or see that is pleasant.
6. Keep your plans flexible enough in case you need to go home early.
7. Bring extra personal supplies and medications in case things are lost in transit.
8. Bring her own pillow, to make it easier to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings. The feel and smell will be more restful.
9. If you took a special trip years ago, consider going again "for old times sake" and to relive wonderful memories. (Don't get upset or depressed if she doesn't remember clearly what you remember.)
10 Take LOTS of pictures, especially with her in them. This will help her later to try to recall the good time you had together.

On Dad's last cruise he decided he decided he needed a respite cruise so he would get a break from Mom. He picked a 3 week cruise out of Baltimore.

Dad went on the cruise.

I (daughter) stayed at the house with Mom and caregivers for the 3 weeks while Dad was gone on the cruise.

Consider giving yourself a break.

Dad took Mom on a number of cruises when she had early Alzheimers.

Mom wanted to do some of the excursions. Dad would take Mom to the excursion leader. He would tell the excursion leader that Mom had early Alzheimers. Dad tipped the excursion leader generously in advance and
told him/her to make sure to bring his wife back. Mom went on excursions
and Dad stayed on the ship.

Bring along 1 or 2 dedicated caregivers or leave her home with 1 or 2 dedicated caregivers. (The caregivers work opposite shifts.)

Don't. Her needs will escalate and it will not be a "vacation". I cannot imagine the hustle and bustle of a crowded cruise ship and dementia.

I question why you want to take her on a vacation.
I am glad that you are concerned and asking. My opinion, do not take her. However, read this website:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/traveling#tips

In part, it says:

Living with Alzheimer’s or another dementia does not mean it’s necessary to stop participating in meaningful activities such as travel. However, it does require planning to ensure safety, comfort and enjoyment for everyone.
 
Plan ahead.
Learn to recognize the warning signs of anxiety and agitation and identify strategies to reduce them. Discuss this plan with the person living with dementia.
Try not to overload the person with a lot of directions or too much information.
General travel considerations
Environmental changes can trigger wandering or confusion.
Consider enrolling in a wandering response service. 
Its helpful to stick with the familiar. Travel to known destinations that involve as few changes in daily routine as possible.
Evaluate options for the best mode of travel. Based on needs, abilities, safety and preferences, decide what would provide the most comfort and the least anxiety.
When selecting destinations, consider those that have easy access to emergency health services and pharmacies.
Consider everyone’s needs and desires as you plan your trip; elaborate sightseeing trips or complicated tours may cause anxiety and confusion.

Contacti Alzheimer's Association for resources and support. Find a chapter anywhere in the United States.
If you will be staying in a hotel, consider informing the staff ahead of time of your specific needs so they can be prepared to assist you.

Have a backup plan in case your trip needs to change unexpectedly.

This may mean purchasing travel insurance if you have booked flights or hotels.
Carry with you an itinerary that includes details about each destination.
Give copies to family members or friends you will be visiting or to emergency contacts at home.
Travel during the time of day that is best for the person. For example, if he or she becomes tired or more agitated in the late afternoon, avoid traveling at this time.
Have a bag of essentials with you at all times that includes medications, your travel itinerary, a comfortable change of clothes, water, snacks and activities.
Remember to pack necessary medications, up-to-date medical information, a list of emergency contacts and photocopies of important legal documents.
Allow plenty of time for rest. Don’t over-schedule.
Documents to take with you when traveling
Doctors' names and contact information.
A list of current medications and dosages.
Phone numbers and addresses of the local police and fire departments, hospitals and poison control.
A list of food or drug allergies.
Copies of legal papers (living will, advanced directives, power of attorney, etc.).
Names and contact information of friends and family members to call in case of an emergency.
Insurance information (policy number, member name).
Visits to family and friends
Prepare friends or family members for the visit by explaining dementia and any changes it has caused. Go over any special needs and explain that the visit could be short or that you may need to change activities on short notice. Some additional considerations:
It may be helpful to stay as close to your normal routine as possible. For example, keep meal and bed times on a similar schedule to that followed at home. Eating in may be a better choice than at a crowded restaurant.
Be realistic about abilities and limitations. Allow extra time when scheduling activities.

Environmental changes can trigger wandering or confusion. Consider enrolling in a wandering response service. 
It may be helpful to stick with the familiar. Travel to known destinations that involve as few changes in daily routine as possible.

There's a lot more to read. Gena / Touch Matters

KirkMc: Do not do it. When taken on a trip by her sisters, my late sister in law with Alzheimer's became majorly confused of course.

i would suggest not doing it.

some of the short term ideas - local parks, even a local hotel to test - are great, but even with those you might need assistance.

i would suggest watch travel documentaries on the largest tv you have access to, but don’t travel with someone with dementia. save the travel money and hire an aide for a local park trip, buy a big tv, or hire trusted in house workers or 3 for full coverage - and go on your own trip.

she won’t remember, might be really disoriented and upset, and you will spend your time managing her, not making good memories.

Watch her very closely

She'll be fine...they don't know where they are anyway

Over the past year my wife and I have traveled 3 times, 2 of those by air and 1 by auto, to distant locations. The air travel was most stressful, as I was constantly worried in the airports about losing her. She objects to my going into the "family" bathroom with her, yet she has difficulty with cleanup. Hotels are also problematic.

We stayed in the National Park Inn in Mount Rainier National Park. Things went well until the last night. I woke up in the night to find she had left the room. I immediately went to the desk to report her missing. Luckily, it is a small hotel. The clerk said, five minute search, then we call 911. He found her quickly, in the hotel kitchen, naked, and calling my name.

We got her back to the room. She was cold and frightened. I got her into pajamas and under cover. I put a chair against the exit door so she couldn't get out without making noise that would wake me.

If you travel with a person with dementia, be sure to take into account the person's behaviors, and be prepared for ANYTHING. My wife surprises me regularly with new oddities in behavior. Don't let the person out of your sight.

Rather than reinventing the wheel, I copy a section of the book "Dementia Care Companion" on the subject of travel for you:

Travel

Traveling is still possible in the early and middle stages of dementia progression, but with proper planning and lots of precautions. Whether it is advisable to travel is a question that requires careful weighing of the benefits against the risks involved.
Traveling is stressful for a person with dementia, and their reaction to the added stress can be unpredictable. The changes in their daily routine, the unfamiliar environment, and the pace of activities all add to the confusion, anxiety, and aggression that the patient experiences in the best of times.

Plan for Travel
·        If possible, travel with a trusted person who can assist you during unexpected events or situations. Expect that the patient’s behavior will be much more problematic while traveling than on a regular day at home.
·        Make a list of everything that you will need ahead of time so you don’t forget anything important. Take extra clothing for cold or warm weather. Pack ample incontinence supplies, wet wipes, snacks, and drinks. Include slippers and neck pillow for additional comfort. Provision for the patient’s entertainment on the way, including music, storybooks, photo albums, and so on.
·        Take along medications, medication list, dosage and time instructions, your doctor’s phone number, and other essential and emergency phone numbers.
·        If you plan to fly, ask your doctor to write a letter indicating the patient’s type of illness and their special needs, and requesting help and cooperation, especially from airport security staff and flight crew.
·        Think through possible incontinence scenarios, such as in the departure area or on the plane. How would you deal with them should they arise?

While on a Trip
·        Do not pack too much into a day. Plan more time than usual for every activity. Allow plenty of time to rest and recharge between activities.
·        Try to make the patient’s daily schedule during the trip resemble their regular schedule at home as much as possible.
·        Prepare for the possibility of wandering. The patient may get disoriented in unfamiliar environments, wander off, and get lost. Stay with the patient at all times, and do not let them out of your sight.
·        Be ready to pick up and return home on short notice. Your trip may need to be shortened unexpectedly due to unforeseen circumstances.

When Visiting Family and Friends
Although the patient may not remember the names of friends and relatives, they will enjoy seeing familiar and friendly faces. When planning to visit friends and relatives, alert your hosts about the patient’s special needs ahead of time so your hosts can better accommodate the patient during their visit.
·        Stay calm in the event of mishaps. Treat the patient with respect at all times.
·        Do not address the patient like you would a child. Avoid baby talk and any other speech or behavior that could be demeaning to the patient.
·        Do not discuss the patient’s illness or behavior in front of them.
·        Ask friends and relatives to stay in the patient’s field of view. Have them approach gently, smile and make eye contact, introduce themselves, and call the patient by name to draw their attention.
·        Ask everyone to respect the patient’s personal space and not get too close unless invited to do so by the patient.
·        Encourage people to use hand and face gestures when interacting with the patient for better communication.
·        Make certain that your host does not offer any food or snacks to the patient

Things may seem under pretty good control now, but travel and new environments can very often be disorienting to folks with dementia. It won’t be much of a vacation for you if her disorientation takes off. Travel can be very stressful for those of us with sound minds. It could be almost punishing for someone with dementia. Perhaps you do indeed need a vacation and that’s very understandable. Unfortunately the dementia has robbed you of her ability to be a good travel companion. There’s a lot of wisdom here in these answers and much to be considered.

I don’t think it’s a good idea. You might think she’d like this vacation but she is not the person she was. She needs stability and a routine now. She’s better off staying home.

I suggest you get respite care and you take that vacation without her. You probably could use some time away.

I was a cruise ship doctor for a major cruise line for over 15 years and sailed around the world. I am EM board certified. The number of people we medically disembarked due to increased care needs, crises, and medical decompensation was astounding. The family’s holiday was completely disrupted and there were increased costs for flights and hotel, hospital in foreign countries, and medical repatriation. The ones who came aboard with private hired caregivers familiar with the care needs and knowledgeable about medications and care, mostly flew below the radar and stayed on board. If you are considering, be the later. Bring your own caregivers and supplies and medications.

Short Day trips. During daylight hours, for 2-3 hours. Driving to view scenery. A lunch. Nearby big city while you shop, she’s in the EBar with a beverage and great view and people watching. So she is back home before 5 pm and you have your evening to relax.

You are right to be concerned. A cruise would be dangerous, she could wander off, or fall overboard. Or get agitated and want to go home, which could result in the ship dropping you both off at the nearest port, far from home!

A road trip would be exhausting. What about local parks where you live? Have a picnic and see how she does.

Breaking up her routine will usually not go well. You should try an overnight "getaway" at a hotel near home, as a test. You can easily get home if she gets upset. See how she acts in an unfamiliar place.

Does she ask you about vacations? Or are you the one wanting to travel?

I am sorry about your wife's condition. The days of going on cruises and vacations with her are pretty much over when dementia shows up.

I was a caregiver for a long time to many people with every kind of dementia. You should not take your wife on a cruise or on any other vacation to places where you cannot take her home immediately if needs be. Any desruptions in the daily routine of people with dementia can cause major setbacks to whatever independence levels they may still have. It's not worth it. Take a day trip somewhere local with her. Or do as MargaretMcKen suggests in the comments. Rent somewhere nice not to far from home where your wife can be looked after. Not a hotel or a cruise ship. Have a family member or friend, or hire an aide to come along too so you can have some downtime as well.

How cognizant is she?
Will she wander?
Will she be upset if she is out of her "normal" element and routine?
Will you need help with her?
You could try a "get a way" for a weekend. Book a hotel and a dinner and see how she manages.
At some point vacations are not possible or at least possible by yourself. You may have to have a friend or family member or a paid caregiver go with you. Or place her in Respite and you take some time for yourself. I know not your idea of a vacation that you may have wanted to take but this is reality.

If she is in the early stages she may do well.
do know that crowds, airports, cruise terminals are all fraught with stress, high emotions and even for someone that is cognizant it can get confusing, frustrating and frightening.
What happens if she or you are pulled aside for extra security screening what would she do is you were not by her side.
If you do do a trip get a tracker to put on her so that you know where she is. (cell phones do not work in all areas. )

National Parks tend to be a lot of walking. If she is incontant in any way, I would not do it. Those bathrooms in planes will not fit two people. I may do a trial run and see how it goes.

How about looking for an easier alternative. Hire a self contained cabin somewhere nice, not too far away, good view over a lake or countryside. That would be nice for W to sit outside in the sun and look at the view, probably other cabiners who might come and chat, and an opportunity for you to swim/climb while she watched. If it turns out that W copes better than expected, you can do day trips from the cabin. It may not be as exciting as you hoped, but it is not likely to go badly.

When my mom was in early stages she figured out for herself that she should not travel with me by plane across the country to my sister while sister was dying and then not to her funeral either. She hoped people would not think badly of her, but she knew it would be confusing for her. I didn't have to tell her not to go. Everyone is different though. My mom was only used to travel by car and only with my dad, who had passed, on camping trips. I recommend you take your wife's comfort levels with travel into consideration. However, even with that, I would strongly recommend not going on a cruise, only somewhere that would have an easy escape back home.

I wouldn't attempt any sort of vacation with a person who has diagnosed dementia. A steep worsening of cognitive ability can happen any time. With my husband, he could hold himself together well enough at home, but take him to the dentist, a public rest room, a waiting room at the car repair place while waiting for an oil change - new behaviors would appear. Such as taking things that didn't belong to him, picking bits of paper up off the floor and putting them in his mouth, screaming in the rest room when I was helping him go to the toilet, and climbing into the dentist chair with his head where the feet should go - how much of that could you stand when far away from home? It's exhausting for a caregiver, not to mention for the loved one, who will not understand that anything is wrong except that you're upset and have to go lie down in your room after dealing with their shenanigans. Which gives them the perfect opportunity to ecape the room and look for the dinosaur they think they saw in the elevator.

Just NO.

The topic of cruising with dementia has come up before on the forum, you may get some insight from reading some of those responses

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=cruise

I'll summarize what I can remember from those who have done it - I wouldn't try this unless you and your wife are already experienced cruisers. And in order that YOU actually get a vacation too you need pay for a companion who is expected to see to your wife's needs (any fun they may get to have would be after their working hours)

Some excellent answers here... My sister brought my mom back where we grew up for a visit. One sister and I still live there. My other sister and my mom lived very far away. My mother was in very early stages of dementia and the trip really threw her. She was very much out of her comfort zone and was very uncomfortable and rattled, Even though she was there to revisit family and she visited me at my home and other family members, she clearly did not enjoy it. She was in unfamiliar territory (to her) even though it should have been familiar. You perhaps would like to visit national parks or go on a cruise but just ask yourself how your wife might react. Could you perhaps do a day trip to a pretty park? Take her to listen to some music? You can still give her enjoyment but you also want her to be comfortable. You want to look at the situation through her eyes.

https://www.elitecruisesandvacationstravel.com/upcoming-dementia-friendly-cruises.html has dedicated dementia friendly cruises. They offer daily respite and full time aides, and they’ve been around a while. I would call them and ask how good a candidate wife is. Their whole model relies on including only patients they believe can maintain behavior on the boat as vs demanding to get off of it. I would use them as a vetting strategy even if you don’t go with them.

Who wants to go on this trip ?
You , your wife , or both of you ?
I think if you are concerned , I wouldn’t do it , especially not a National Park or long road trip . I would stick to brief trip closer to home if you go at all.
My FIl wanted us to take him on a cruise.
We said “No”. He did not understand the issues we would be facing . Your wife most likely does not either. For us it would have meant a walker , a wheelchair , a case of Depends, wound care supplies , meds , etc. My husband would have had to stay with him in his cabin , so he didn’t wander off.
The entire trip would have been waiting in lines at the elevator with him in the wheelchair so he could wine and dine the way he remembered he used to do with his wife. In reality he was hardly eating more than one small meal a day . And he also refused showers . The other paying passengers would not have been happy anywhere near him .

The key here is you say you already have concerns . We can’t always fulfill a wish for LO.

Please think this through. My Dad has Dementia and my Mom tried to take him on one last trip. Dad ended up waking up confused in the middle of the night and walking to the balcony. He could have fallen to his death! Mom ended up bringing him home early and lost $ on the hotel

I agree with the suggestions about taking her on a few brief trips locally before attempting something this major. You could even take her for an overnight to a nice local hotel and see how well she does.

Keep in mind that cruise ships are notorious for tiny bathrooms. Can she manage that, including showering? In addition to possible seasickness, the rolling motion of a ship (which might be too mild for an able-bodied person to detect) can affect her if she has balance issues.

Does she wander? If so, this could be dangerous if she might do so while you're asleep or in the bathroom.

You might need to reconcile yourself to taking short trips by yourself while family members or paid caregivers watch her.

It's a hard realization, especially if you planned to spend your retirement years traveling. I'm sorry if it comes to that point.

I would talk to her Neurologist about this.