My mother passed away 2 years ago. I took care of her for 5 years after my father passed. She bought the house next door to me. She had COPD, never drove and relied on me for most everything. My one sisters son's never even saw the inside of my moms new house. My sister passed away this past November. They are now splitting my sisters share of a nice size inheritance. I don't want their money, but am having trouble with thinking they don't deserve it either. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Well - no, not *wrong.* You feel how you feel. You are entitled to your opinion.
But I think you will feel better if you enlarge your view, and remember that inheritance is not just about what people deserve, in a simple do the work reap the rewards way.
Focus on the boys' right to receive their legacy; and hope that they in time they will reflect on what that money really means in terms of duty to one's family, as demonstrated by their grandmother.
There's also that parable about the men turning up early, later on and very late at the vineyard, and they all get the same wages. I have to say that as a child I totally sympathised with the harder workers and thought it was a rubbish parable; but I now (if grudgingly) accept that the moral is that you receive according to how much you are loved - i.e. by God, infinitely - rather than by how much you deserve. Well humph!
Your mother loved all her family. And she didn't love you any the less because of it.
Some use wills as a way to control, reward and punish. Others think an even split is the way to go, regardless of who visits, does caregiving and/or does other work for the person that passed. Many use it as a final word or a final smack down. Others bequeath the standard splits, giving it little thought.
I think the key to surviving a will is to accept it is what it is - people can choose who and how they want their estate distributed - and that receiving anything at all is more than you had. Just try not to dwell on it or over think it.
I say this as I'm currently executor of my mothers estate - again being the person doing all the work - as I have the past six years for my parent... yet getting the exact same amount as my brother who lives locally and only saw our mom twice a year and NEVER called.
It is what it is and stewing or being bitter about it doesn't change a thing - and only serves to make me unhappy while my brother counts his cash.
Your *feelings are NOT wrong. I would feel the exact same way and probably be angry. But your thinking is wrong. And wrong thinking is hurting you. Bear this in mind. Your nephews weren't given a dime from your mother's estate (rightfully so). Your sister was given an inheritance (which makes sense). You knew that at some point if your sister died, whatever *she had would be left to her sons, and that's what happened. So you lost nothing and no wrong was committed here. Reminding yourself of that will give you emotional relief.
But no, in feeling that way, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG. But continuing to feel that way, you are hurting yourself.
There's nothing you can do to change the way things are, but you can stop it from making you miserable. That's the only option available to you, to not let this make you miserable.
But he caused mom plenty of problems and was self centered. I. helped her.
I think it's normal feelings.
Hubby and I have been meaning to change our wills for five years now - guess we better get on it!
Well, one of my Mom's sisters got into a snit once she learned she got less than her other sisters. The reason was that she played the horses too much and kept losing money. Snitty sister sued the estate.... then when she didn't like the Attorney she was using, she found a new one which put the estate back into square one.... this went on for 10 years.....
Thus in those 10 long years trying to distribute the estate, the estate had to pay mega taxes on my grandparents house and the milking business, plus all the other required taxes that businesses incur. Then all the attorney fees piled one on top of another for those 10 years. That wiped out a good chunk of the estate that my grandparents [who were immigrants] had built up over 60 years through a lot of hard work.
Just think, an extra few thousands in that savings bank book would have avoided paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes/expenses/attorney fees.
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