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JessieBelle. My mother is exactly the same. It's tiring. Annoying. She was not like this before dementia diagnosis. Another thing she says almost daily is "Think about it". It's usually concerning the same story I've heard at least 600 times . Very annoying.
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Reply to Erinm60
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The repeat stories are rough. I usually know when one is about to start and what it will be word for word. She does remember the stories very well. That shows her brain is still working in those areas. I'm glad she doesn't tell me to think about it. I try not to. :)
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Reply to JessieBelle
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Yes Jessie Belle. Be thankful for small favors. Lol
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Reply to Erinm60
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Sorry for all you caregivers, me being one of them, who most of the time are facing constant doom & gloom. We start on this journey because we have an abundance of love & caring. We can't change, even if we hear no most of the time or profanities, face agitation & assertion head on. If we've been caregivers for awhile we know where the fault lies & that it's a battle we're not going to win. I always wanted to have a "normal" loving relationship with my brother, was always hoping & trying for one. Forgiving & forgetting his past old ways was my goal. Now I know a personality is really us, our forever being, an old memory, it's not going anywhere. I didn't heed or maybe believe when professionals said, "The behavior will get worse." My brother still knows me at times, other times I am someone other than me. So there are moments when I wonder, when he is angry, who is he angry at? He does pick & choose who he is nice to & what behavior to demonstrate, why & how is that? I think I may be putting way too much thought into this & try to not dwell on the complexity of it all, but it's not easy. The mental & physical toll creeps up on you & it's hard to undo it. I have been unsuccessful in finding a.m. care, but got a break. She's only available 2 days a week, but she's excellent, so I'm latching on, out for 2 a.m. mornings & I'm ok with it. Don't forget about taking care of you, appreciating yourself. Blessings 🌸
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Reply to Blessings4Ever
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That is exactly what I'm living. I have similar feelings about my mom and then I feel guilty for having them.
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Reply to Sunflower1967
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No help from anyone!!! The loss of freedom. I'm disabled myself,but I never even get a sandwich fixed for me.Oh,the never ending fatigue &cleaning up poop & pee in the bathroom constantly! !! I never get a break! I love my big baby though...
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Reply to Pattyblu1
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Thank you guys for the advice and support. I'm trying the binder idea, and hope it catches on. My mil keeps trying to tell one person something but playing "telephone" a lot of it gets lots.

I try to encourage gma to move and help, and she loves folding laundry and making her own snacks and food. The issues arise when she has an accident (either bathroom or dropping food) and tries to clean up messes off the ground. Usually it becomes a smearing mess by the time she gives up. I think it helps her "give in" a little faster with me because she knows I work in a hospital where I clean up "bathroom" messes all the time. "I guess you just have the constitution for this sort of thing." Lol, yep. That works for me.
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Reply to Tangent
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Loss of my own hopes, dreams and freedom. Feeling trapped.
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Reply to oleput
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Feeling trapped for now, not knowing how I ended up being here, and not knowing if or when I will be able to live a normal life on my own terms.
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Reply to johnk6749
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Johnk6749, I think we will all have " normal" lives again. I think we are living now in not normal situations. I think we have to hope for normal lives again,in some attempt to keep doing what we do. Hope this helps
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Reply to Erinm60
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That bothers me too. After the constant stress of caregiving, and then the grieving, I don't think there will be enough of me left to have a life. I'll exist and that's about it.
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Reply to Dana235
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Dana, I agree. It is hard to picture because I feel so old already. And my mother's in better health than me!! How can we ever make up for these years that our own life is put on the back burner? It simmers away while we focus on the "front burner"! I get so down &/or angry about that!
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Reply to cr0105
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And another thing.. My own "kids" & grandkids keep on living their lives..quite often without me...birthdays, holidays..sometimes I can be there, sometimes not. I wonder if they miss me when they are having a party & I am tied up with mom...
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Reply to cr0105
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My mom is quite functional in spite of dementia/short term memory loss. I am beginning to feel a little of the Cinderella syndrome...constantly cleaning up behind her/fixing things or tolerating things. Especially in the kitchen. Having to keep watch on fridge dials because she plays with them...even though knobs are off, she twists the stems. Puts bowls of food in dirty produce bags to cover them. Can't close lids; can't remember to put things away; throws things out that are not hers, puts trash in recycle bin that has to be picked through; and the DETAILS. I feel like I am thinking for 3 and managing 3 lives. Then I have to communicate. Dad is deaf. Have to translate the issue in the most simple terms to her. I am exhausted...and since I am (gratefully) living with them, I can't get even one day to just sleep in. There is no "one thing" ...it is everything. I wish there was an answer.
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Reply to gdaughter
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Hi gdaughter. I really believed I was one of the only people on the planet that had to sort through the garbage and recyle cans. When new neighbors moved in, I think they thought I was nuts. How many people do you know goes through their garbage. It was kind of funny , a little bit. Same thing in re: to leaving food outv, wrapping it in bags , having no clue on how to turn tv on or off. It's really hard. My parent lives with me , and you are right, we don't get many breaks.
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Reply to Erinm60
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Being responsible for everything. Taking care of Mom is a big task, but I also have to make every decision and handle everything else. I am the only one to do it. Everyone left Mom's life because she treated them badly; friends, neighbors, relatives. Her daughter(my stepsister) stopped talking to Mom in 1982. Everything has fallen to me for 20+ years. I finally got Mom's hair fixed. It was matted and tangled from her not wanting to comb or brush, only sleep. I hired a woman to come to the house and style her hair. She kept wanting me to do it. I can't do everything. I hired a guy to do the yard work. I don't have time to do it myself any more. Mom's car has been sitting in the driveway for over 3 years deteriorating. I am planning on having it hauled away. Living my own life would be simple. Everything I am doing now is not for me.
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Reply to johnk6749
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Living for two people is a lot of work. We can end up living mainly for them and give ourselves the short end of the stick.
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Reply to JessieBelle
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Another thing that bothers me is my daughter . She says you are her daughter. She needs more stimulation. More activities. Ok kid. , you try. My mother doesn't want to do anything. Sorry , sweet child of mine , if that's hard on me too.
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Reply to Erinm60
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The backhanded compliment like "Oh you're such a good daughter...your mother is so lucky to have you..." and then this same person will immediately follow-up by saying she/he will never want to be a burden on their own children because they're planning to go into a nursing home
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Reply to careisgiving
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gdaughter,I understand completely about the constant clean up game. Although I am a paid caregiver and don't have the extra pressure of being related to the clients, it's still so stressful. One woman is just plain unsanitary in every way. She constantly leaves used tissues everywhere, wants to wear her clothing way past the expiration date but says that washing them too often wears them out. She's 90, wear out the clothes! She enjoys helping to prepare meals, but the constant touching of the food with dirty hands is just gross. She drinks from a glass, rinses it in cold water and puts it away, leaving me to be sneaky and properly wash anything I believe she used that day. I feel like a staph infection can't be far off in either her or my future. Of course there is also the misplacing/hiding of bills, money, and documents...that's always fun. I don't know how any of you who live with your loved one do it. I get to go home after a difficult day.
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Reply to Thisishard
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Yeah, I used to be "one of those" people who thought my parents, and others, should be up and "doing something" throughout the day. And, oh yes, they must have something to do after supper, since they eat at "4"...etc etc. oh, and the long quiet weekends at AL must be sooo boring....And it's sooo nice out, how about a walk or sit in the sun a bit
Finally gave up on thinking they should get up outta that chair...what makes them happy is eating, sleeping, complaining, and TV...moms joy is updating me on the political scene EVERYDAY and how we are nearing the end when Jesus is coming...been hearing that from grandmas before I was born! Yes, he's coming someday...I wanna have some good clean fun in the meantime

I do believe they need activity/social stuff...I'm just too wiped out to try to make it happen anymore 
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Reply to Bella7
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How about, "aren't you thankful you don't work so you can help your parents?" "What would you do if you had a job?" Husband says this to me all the time when I complain, he owns his own construction company and that has allowed me to be a stay at home mom, main caretaker of the yard and house Etc, the laundry lady the cook the meal planner the grocery shopper... The woman that waits and never knows when he'll be home for supper and sometimes not, or late, with cold icky food AND a late night dirty kitchen to clean up..because of a job requirement.  And still have a smile on my face
Used to love this "role" I've been playing in for 30 yrs...today, NOT SO MUCH
Yes I'm sooo happy I don't have a "job" and I'm thrilled my divorced parents need or want a piece of me everyday
Skip skip skip to my loo, got laundry to doo and so excited I got scoopin catpoo to do!
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Reply to Bella7
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I guess the thing that bothers me most is his kids don't seem to care? I married a man that had been widowed, and have been blessed with a wonderful 32 years and counting. But DH is now 95 and has 'cheated death' more times than I can remember.

3 kids and only one even makes the effort to call every week. I have no children and DH has already outlived more than half his siblings and is in better health than 2 that are younger than him. His kids all live states away so I am pretty much a lone caregiver. But that doesn't really bother me as I am in no hurry to be widowed myself.

What truly upsets me is that I can't understand why they don't seem to realize that 95 is old and Dad won't be here forever. Maybe this is normal, but I still can't understand.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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Sorry, I'm new at this. What is MIL?
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Reply to corinna
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mil = mother in law, fil = father in law, sil = son in law or sister in law and so on. Lots of acronyms and abbreviations here.
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Reply to golden23
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MIL = Mother In Law, DIL = Daugher in Law, BIL & SIL would be Brother & Sister in Law.
Oh! and DH is Dear or Darling Hubby/Husband and DW would be the same for Wife.

I had to learn too, lol. corinna - it ain't just you, lol.

Huggers,
lidna
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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DH, or dH is aka dear hubs, darling hubs, dementia hubs, or anything a wife can think of depending upon the level of her frustration at the time.
Venting like that does not mean she doesn't love him, or does not value him-or her marriage. imo.

While men-bashing is to be avoided, a little venting is healthy. imo.
What man has not joined in joking about his wife:  The wife, the little lady, etc
Fil can also mean family in law.

Joke...

A woman goes to the doctor. Comes home and is telling Hubs how it went. She says "the doctor says my blood pressure is fine, my heart is fine, my cholesterol is good" Hubs says "What did he say about your big fat a**?" Wife responds "Oh, we didn't talk about you at all dear"
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Reply to Sendhelp
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LOL
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Reply to cwillie
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Tonight what bothers me most is the garbage cans. This is probably the 200 th time I had to take regular garbage out of the recycling bin. It's also the repitition. Yes I know my husband will like watching the hockey game. Especially if the Penns win. Just the little annoyances , constantly repeated.
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Reply to Erinm60
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Recycling in the garbage & garbage in the recycling, it used to be one of my pet peeves. Of course nobody had dementia then, they were just annoying idjits who refused to learn!
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Reply to cwillie
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