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I hear you Rainey. We got to stay out of those wards. Hey I used to work in them. It was schizophrenics and major depressive issues. No. Don't want to go back in any capacity.
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Reply to Erinm60
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Sorry that posted too fast. Any way thanks for the input. May we all have a fairly stress free day
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I am in a situation where I do not have POA or any power whatsoever. The car tabs lapsed, expired. I was ticketed for driving with expired tabs and so here I sit, waiting for my mom find the relevant pro ate paperwork so that we can go into town and resolve the issue. My mom can barely walk. I don't know how we will make it from the car to the office. She refuses to use a cane. Refuses everything. I called ahead to see if there was a wheelchair available, but they didn't know. She said the (old) cars would not be signed over to me (to simplify things). She doesn't care how difficult things are for me once she passes. In fact, I believe she WANTS things to be as difficult as possible for me.
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NoRecess, check with your licensing bureau. When Mom was incapacitated to the point where she couldn't walk into the building, they allowed me to take a form out to the van for her to sign that gave me the authority to act on her behalf as her personal representative. They just had a staff member look out the window to confirm that mom was indeed sitting in the van and unable to get out.
When it comes to the vehicle itself after your mom's passing, again, check with the licensing bureau - ours (in MI) told me that with vehicles, whoever has the death certificate can come in and transfer ownership to themselves. Understand, however, that only takes care of the registration/tags for the vehicle - any outstanding loan on the vehicle must be dealt with as well, with whatever finance agency did that.

Also - if Mom is on Medicaid or will possibly be in the future, not signing the vehicles over to you is a GOOD thing, as Medicaid would consider that divestment of assets and it may affect her ability to qualify for Medicaid without a spend down.  It's best if the vehicles are left in her name until she passes, and then transferred by the method described above.  
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Thank you, SusanA43, for mentioning the "look back" issue. I made the right decision to keep the cars in her name. At least I did that right today.
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Hi No Recess. I tried to send you a hug. I'm really not technical here. But give yourself a break. You're doing all you can.
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Erin,
No way, you worked in a psyche ward????? Oh jeeeez, I don't want to imagine that. I bet you have got a lot of interesting stories!
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Reply to Rainey69
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Hi Rainey. Yes I did. And yes I do have stories. I went to college in the 80 's. Got a communications degree ( kind of useless ). Unless you want to analyze Kennedy/Nixon debates. So I got another major in Psych. I loved the Bob Newhart show. Where he was a psychologist. Ok. I was young. But that was really what I thought a psych degree would provide. A nice office job. Well you got to get a Phd for that. After working in a psych hospital , community mental health offices and finally for a county partial program , I was quite happy to get out of the field. Just was not for me. I did get a masters because I needed to but it takes some one much more special than i am to do 40 plus hours a week in a very stressful and often times filthy work environments. But I had no experience with Alzheimer's patients. I think though the jobs taught me a lot of patience . I had some clients with some of the lowest I Q scores possible. Not that my mother is anywhere like some of those poor people , but she's definitely lost a lot of her intelligence. Who knows maybe those jobs helped me deal with her now
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Wish we all could sit at the same table and "gab" together face to face!
Thankful to wake up every morning and read here...it gives me strength and new wisdom for the day.
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Bella7,
I can't imagine how many more on this site feel the exact same way, it really does help keep your sanity!
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The realization that I might not have my husband! !!! (If I don't go first)
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Kind of random here, but who no longer wants to do anything for holidays?? The 4 th of July is right around the corner. We used to always have a party. I'd decorate a little ( basically for all the holidays). Christmas and Haloween , I decorated a lot. But with my mother sitting here and basically that's it. Just sitting here 24 hours a day , I have zero interest. Anybody else just too stressed or unhappy to do what they used to?
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Erinm60, My Mom is in bed all the time. I eat my meals with her. I still like to make something different for a holiday, at least so Mom knows what the date is. I cook something special for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Mom will be 91 tomorrow. I am making her a pot roast. Maybe I'll even convince her to come to the table. I'm making a picnic type meal for July 4 that we'll have in the bedroom. I don't want to give up everything. I have sacrificed enough. Like the nurse practitioner at Mom's cardiologist office told me, "It's your life, too."
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Hi Johnk6749. I see your point. I'm not there yet where you are. I'm still kind of in Shock ( don't know why the s was capitalized) and honestly bitter that Alzheimer's / dementia is taking over her life as well as mine. I never in a million years thought she would get this. Guess I was naive. Why shouldn't she get it ? So many do. A year ago she worked part time. Now she sits and watches tv all day. She's been with me over 20 years. It was great. The last few years , I have seen a decline. I'm not cruel. She's happy here. As long as I can keep her safe here and some degree of my sanity , I will continue as it is. But. I'm still adjusting and not ready to I guess accept. , it will only get worse. This is a transition time for me. Hopefully I'll be happy again and decorate just not this year
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Once again Erin,
We are on the same page on this one as well. I love Halloween, have the coolest decorations, same with Christmas. I will write you more details about all that to you but yes, we are twins again. LOL!
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Hi Rainey. How's your moms hair? I hope you enjoyed a few hours of freedom. Yes Haloween and Christmas, my favorite holidays too . Yes we are like twins and I think our Irish Catholic moms are too. Talk soon. Got to go take our nightly walk with the dogs. I'm 15 minutes late. She's up there waiting.
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Erin,
Just picked her up and she looks like a little school girl. She hasn't changed her hairstyle since she was in her 40's and she still dyes it red "Loreal #7LA. She is one of those who's vanity comes before anything, even bordering on ridiculousness.
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Rainey, I can relate to the vanity! My Mom gets her nails done every 2 weeks, pedicures & perms as needed. I don't even have any nails because I have chewed them to the bone! She always wants new clothes. She never leaves the house, so why??? Of course I have to take her to these appts. I am sooo tired of Drs waiting rooms & salon lobbies. Of course, the sibs are absent. I suppose it is a good thing that she cares about how she looks. Beats the alternative.
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Helen,
LOL!!!!!!!! Thanks, I needed that! Yes you are right about beating the alternative but I have a story that will return the favor, crack you up and give you an idea of just how nuts Mom is about her appearance. I will try to condense this as much as I can. Mom wandered out one morning (this was prior to any dementia) with her watering can to water the tomatoes on the side of the house. We had a rusty piece of steel sticking up from the ground where our childhood playhouse used to be. She tripped over it and cut a huge L shaped gash in her thigh, guts were showing and coming out! I ran upstairs at full speed to get a towel to wrap around it and said, "We gotta get to the ER right now!" She was still in her robe since it was still morning, her reply to me was, "I am not going anywhere until I put my make up on and get dressed!" I nearly fainted! I helped her up, she was dropping tendons out of her leg and she got up those stairs and proceeded with her beauty regimen. Gotta love that vanity!
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PS Helen,
Mom does "go anywhere" either except to the grocery or drug store and then she really gets decked out to go to the beauty parlor once a week. 😉
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Thank God for this site.... was just reading some of the posts about 'it's all about her'... that really describes my mom... the thing about appearances! OMG.. she's so vain, she wanted to have surgery to repair her 'bedroom eyes' ... she's 93 going on 94... she was like this before the Alzheimer's, now it's even worse. She makes up memories now to compensate for not driving (I drove to the store last week -- where is my car? -- there's nothing wrong with me!) She doesn't like to have caregivers because it is embarrassing... sigh. We had to get DCF involved, because she wouldn't listen to the family or friends. And on and on... as the world turns, every day. Thanks ... it helps to connect with people who are having the same horrible experiences.
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I don't like sleeping in the bed they made for themselves. My mother had one person from the church that visited her. For a year or two she has been telling her she had a cold, so not to visit. Yesterday the church called and she told them that she didn't need anyone to visit her. It was my mother's business, but I knew this woman was the only person who ever visited. She pushed her away like she's done all the people in her past. And now she'll complain how she doesn't have anyone to talk to. She also recently pushed away her two cousins who she used to talk to on the phone occasionally. She said she doesn't have anything to say.

I can't fill in for all the people that she has pushed away. When I try to keep her company she always pushes me away by arguing and say mean things. It's not the dementia. She and Dad were hermits their entire married life. Sure gets boring and lonely here. The only sound is the TV.
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JessieBelle. At least you try and keep her company. I limit my direct one on one time for my sanity. I do however take her for a nightly walk with the dogs and wished I was on zanax while doing so. Lol but not really.
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I was away a few weeks ago and her brother stayed here for 2 days. I talked to him last night. He said I don't know how you do it. I was crazy after 2 days. At least I got some affirmation from a family member. This is a really hard job we all have. Glad we have each other on this site
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My dear Mother had a "thing" about her hair and the beauty shop too and no matter how sick she was,she still had to have her hair done...every Tuesday and Saturday for over 40 years to the same guy.He even did her hair IN the hospital for her and he was the one who did her hair for her burial.She had lost So many things that made her happy in her life,so it was no big deal to take her so atleast she'd still have that.I wish we were going in the morning like we always did......
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My mother fell again and now she has a large wound on her forehead that looks to me like it needs stitches. She refuses to see the doctor and had a fit when I insisted that the ambulance should be called when it happened. I did not call the ambulance and now I do not know what to do.
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Hi No Recess. What about an urgi care center? I think they are opened till 9 pm. Don't know what state you are in. Hope your mom is ok
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Thank you Erinm60. She will not go to urgent care or anywhere. I am kicking myself for not phoning the EMTs when she fell. She falls a lot and hits her head, bleeds all over, but refuses medical care. I won Der if she could refuse care from the ambulance service. I'm just at a loss as what to do. She screams at me to not call emergency services when she falls and is injured. So unfair to me :-(
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Hi No Recess please just call me Erin. Yes it's very unfair to you. God , what a position to be in. I hate to get legal here, but what if a really bad out come happens ? Would you be considered negligent? I would tell her that. Example "mom, I'm not a dr, if this is bad( like a movie star who died after a ski accident a few years ago, her mom is famous too. Think was married to Liam Nilsson?). And I don't get you appropriate medical care , do you to see me in jail? I know that's being extreme. But she is being child like in not getting looked at
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NoRecess,
Tell Mom you are taking her out for ice cream or whatever gets her in the car. Take her to the ER and have them check her for any head trauma like internal bleeding. Better safe than sorry! If she gets upset with you, take her for ice cream after so she can't say you tricked her! 😉 Then try to explain that the hospital instructed you to get her there by any means necessary.
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