
I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
I told my mother this morning that I knew when she would die. It would be a week after I did. She didn't grasp what I meant, but the woman is killing me with her daily "emergencies." I wish I could help her be 40 again, but I can't.
What is so strange is that I spend the whole day sounding positive and upbeat, and she talks back like a heavy wet blanket. I don't know how we tolerate this. It absolutely sucks all the joy out of life. I don't understand why she wants badly to live, feeling as bad as she says she does. She doesn't understand that at 91 her body and mind are reaching the end.
The frustration and sadness of knowing that no matter how much I do, I'll never be able to really, really make my loved one be better.
The renunciation to having my own life.
Newer is that we buy something (liquid dish detergent), he puts it away, (hides just behind the frame inside the undersink cabinet) and asking where he put it, he answers:
"We don't have any". He is sure we don't have any.
After 4-5 times, this is becoming a theme. It even scares me that his brain is not working, when I take him through the thoughts to remember that we do have it.
This could be stress?
Rosses003, Yes at times I feel lonely, my days off are to rest, but I actually feel better at my low $$ p.t. job, less lonely I guess.
Stay strong caregivers!
Blessings 🌸
I laughed when I read your post! You have just described my own mother to a T. I am glad I'm not alone hahaha! And yes I feel the same way too....We love them but I dream of a really BIG vacation.
So, when I hear people say "I want my old parent back" - what they really want is a return to when that parent was in his/her functional peak, such as maybe around age 50.
I know of no person in their 90s who is same, in any way, as they were in their 50s. Advertising has done us a great disservice in that regard, making us believe that if we only take our vitamins and exercise daily, that we can stave off the ravages of aging with nary more than a few wrinkles and gray hairs.
I really am hoping to avoid destroying friendships going forward, but I have at least two or three of these friends who indulge in this behavior a lot. I keep typing and then deleting "must be nice" on their posts without hitting Submit...
My bday just passed. Last year, she refused to say H-Bday and insinuated I was not wanted. It broke my heart. I am not interested mentioning my bday with her ever again. My eldest didn't know this and mentioned my bday. She said Oh H-Bday. I nodded - it meant nothing to me so I left the room.
Her physical status is transitioning and she is going under hospice. I appreciate the resources being sole caretaker. I just wish I could discern if its dementia or her.
super friendly, always remembers care givers birthdays, their kids names ages etc. Always
solicitous. With me, it's 3 am phone calls with the latest crisis, usually something trivial, or
endless tasks when I visit, trips to the doctor, medical supply shop, sorting out all the messes
he creates. Transferring him in and out of the wheelchair, to the toilet, takes a huge toll on
my back (I've been in 3 car accidents). I spend my vacation time and money visiting him and
he tells everyone I'm relaxing on vacation, while in reality he's just barking orders at me while
playing super sweet to everyone else. He calls me daily to tell me about his latest crisis and
tell me about his bodily functions
People think I'm just a lazy greedy daughter, when in fact I'm a super thoughtful, conscientious
and very very very exhausted daughter. Frustrating beyond belief!! I feel he took advantage
of me while I was a child to caretake the crazy wife he no longer wanted, and now he's taken
advantage of me again as a middle aged woman to drain my life so he can be cared for like
an infant. Cue hair pulling frustration!
2. The loss of the person I once knew...I am grieving the loss of that person before they pass on.!