My 89 year old mom has allowed my drug using, rarely working brother to live with her for over 20 years and to drain her life insurance from my dad. Over a couple hundred thousand. She makes about $20,000-22,000 in as and an pension from my late father.
My brother has abused drugs and my mom has freely given him all her life insurance over 20 years. We helped her through bankruptcy three years ago. Saved her house. She sold her house two years ago, moved into an apartment with him, and he has drained her savings from the sale of her house again.
She is pretty astute, and if I try to get involved, will say she is giving the money to him of her own free will.
She somehow managed to get a small loan that she was behind on. She called my son for some money, not us, and he called us. We called and said we would help if we took over her finances. She agreed. It lasted three weeks with many calls wanting money for "gas and groceries" she never bought.
Part of the budget we worked for her involved me actually putting the gas in her car, and buying her groceries rather than giving her cash that she was then giving my brother.
While putting gas in the car, I went through the glove compartment where I found a document that is providing my brother with $200 a month in food stamps, and one where he pawned a tv.
I questioned this and why she didn't tell us. She became very defensive and evasive.
She called on Monday and removed my husbands name from the account today. I am trying everything I can to figure out what I can do which doesn't seem to be much. It's beyond frustrating.
The bank knows them and knows what is going on. They told her they were glad we were helping earlier this month. Today, the manager gave us her card and they have our numbers if anything weird happens, which includes taking out more than goes in.
My mother has said she wants to die, and that she will no longer be coming to family functions. They are co dependent it appears.
I do have an executed POA which she has forgotten about from when she did her will 10 years ago. If I pull it out she will shut it down I'm sure.
Her apartment is filthy. She uses a walker from a broken knee and hip and he apparently does nothing.
Do I have any options to pursue legally to take over guardianship? She should have plenty of money for her lifestyle yet I am afraid she is not eating because he is forcing her to give him her money.
It is beyond depressing and I do t want her last few days or years to be a living hell, but it does t appear I can do anything unless I find a way to declare her incompetent.
That then creates new problems as my brother will be homeless.
At the very least, they could order an evaluation. And even if you don't want to be involved anymore, you can ask the court to appoint a professional to take that role.
There's a lot to consider. I wish you the best.
I agree with Sunnygirl in that you might want to consider consulting a lawyer. However, if your mom is competent I'm not sure the law can prohibit her from giving your brother money if that's what she wants to do.
Just make sure she understands that it's your brother who will be changing her diapers, or paying someone to do so.
Then step away, because she's made her choice.
Each state has their own criteria for what proof is involved and what factors they consider. I'd be careful to just say, well, she's doing okay on her own. Do you really think that? Her decisions sound bizarre. I'd suspect the court might find the actions highly irregular. I'd get legal advice to see what is needed in her jurisdiction to prevail in court. It's not just people with dementia who are found incompetent to handle their affairs.
If the court appoints a Guardian, either a family member or a professional person, they will take over the finances and brother will not have access to the funds or be able to exploit, borrow, manipulate, etc.