My MIL has dementia, is overweight and is severely incontinent and yet, the family intends for her to attend her grandson's wedding in another month and a half. She is wheelchair-bound. They have hired a caregiver to help my MIL during the 6 - 8 hr-long church service and reception that follows. It is not clear that the venues are handicapped-accessible. This is all taking place in Germany where the family lives. My husband and I are flying over for the event. I am very concerned about how this will all play out- for all involved. Any ideas about how to deal with this situation?
Be sure to treat your anxiety about this situation so that you and others aren’t burdened with your disapproval. Meditation, tapping, medication, deep breathing, exercise can all be helpful for anxiety.
Life happens and most weddings contain at least one snafu. It sounds with the prep for MIL, the ones in charge are well aware. Enjoy your trip.
However, I read your reply below about how your MIL does not recognize anyone . My sister in law brought her mother to my mother’s funeral . It was upsetting for the woman because she only recognized my sister in law and kept asking where she was and why and she wanted to “ go home “ ( memory care ).
Between travel and all the changes in routine, time zone, not being in her own space, It sounds like a lot to put a sick woman through. Hopefully it works out and was worth it for all concerned, including MIL.
My grandmother was at my wedding with dementia and incontinence back in 1980. She ate all the butter pats on the table exclaiming how delicious that cheese was. She later urinated on the floor because my mother didn't have the presence of mind to put a disposable brief on her.
What I remember most was that my grandmother attended my wedding. Not what she wore or how her body size looked. The only important thing to both of us was that she was able to attend my special day.
Your MIL has her own personal caregiver to attend to her and to help her with any issues that may arise. Germany has strict, mandatory accessibility requirements for disabled people through the German Accessibility Strengthening Act.
Seems to me the caregiver will be dealing with your MIL, not you, and your concern is related to appearances only. How she will look or act, etc. You don't want her there but she's coming anyway, in other words. Good for her! And her grandson will have the Memory of his grandmother, in all her blessed imperfection, being at his wedding to celebrate his joyous day. Likely one of the last times he'll see her. My wedding was the last time I saw my grandmother, too.