My brother moved them in to assisted living and I need surgery so was not there. I live in a different city. They beg me multiple times a day to come and get them and are saying horrible things about my brother and that he has lied to me that this is what they need. I cannot get any peace and am ready to crack up. My parents were narcissistic awful parents to begin with, but I am a decent person to others. Yet my horrible childhood has now come back full force with these demanding, selfish people screaming at me multiple times a day that I must come and "undo" what my brother did. Help!
Then follow through.
No one can protect you from your phone, as you well know, but yourself. I am sorry to be so brutal but if this is something you don't already know, then the only way you will hear my knock at your door is if I really bang at it. You are ill. You are an adult. You are responsible for NO ONE else's health or happiness, only yours.
Your POOR brother. My heart goes out to you both.
Don't anywer any calls or messages they leave if the tone is nasty or demanding. This is called extinguishing a behavior. Only respond to them (at some future time of your choosing) when they are polite and civilized. Maybe they are no longer capable of this, but this isn't your problem. You aren't responsible for their happiness.
Your parents are mad at their situation, so they will take it out on you. And your brother. They need someone to blame. Dementia brings out the worst in people.
Things might actually be fine at the assisted living. In fact, if you or your brother haven't received a call from the facility with concerns about your parents' behavior, I'd say things already are fine, and they have settled in.
Please remember that your brother did the right thing. As others have said, your parents are getting 24 hour care--that is the best possible outcome for them.
Please silence your phone or block them temporarily and visit when you are ready. Please take care of yourself.
Silence your ringer, block their number, or change your phone number.
Delete any voice mails without listening.
There is no problem here that you need to fix for them. Obviously, they are where they need to be. If they don't belong there, they can simply leave. If they are capable of moving somewhere else to their liking, they are free to do so.
If you were to "come and get them", where would you take them?
If you don't want to completely cut ties with your parents, you can call them, at your convenience, and as soon as they start making unreasonable demands, tell them the conversation is over and hang up. You need to establish and protect your own boundaries. No one else will.
you are not even required to return every call and you aren’t required to call them back the same day.
you are allowed to turn your ringer off or put your phone on do not disturb.
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