My brother moved them in to assisted living and I need surgery so was not there. I live in a different city. They beg me multiple times a day to come and get them and are saying horrible things about my brother and that he has lied to me that this is what they need. I cannot get any peace and am ready to crack up. My parents were narcissistic awful parents to begin with, but I am a decent person to others. Yet my horrible childhood has now come back full force with these demanding, selfish people screaming at me multiple times a day that I must come and "undo" what my brother did. Help!
Then follow through.
No one can protect you from your phone, as you well know, but yourself. I am sorry to be so brutal but if this is something you don't already know, then the only way you will hear my knock at your door is if I really bang at it. You are ill. You are an adult. You are responsible for NO ONE else's health or happiness, only yours.
Your POOR brother. My heart goes out to you both.
How about talk to your brother and find out what happened and why he had them placed. He could have very valid reasons and AL could be the best thing for them. Talk to your brother before you take another call from either of them. Get the full picture.
In the meantime, you live in another city. They are in assisted living. You don't have to take their calls.
you are not even required to return every call and you aren’t required to call them back the same day.
you are allowed to turn your ringer off or put your phone on do not disturb.
Don't anywer any calls or messages they leave if the tone is nasty or demanding. This is called extinguishing a behavior. Only respond to them (at some future time of your choosing) when they are polite and civilized. Maybe they are no longer capable of this, but this isn't your problem. You aren't responsible for their happiness.
Your parents are mad at their situation, so they will take it out on you. And your brother. They need someone to blame. Dementia brings out the worst in people.
Things might actually be fine at the assisted living. In fact, if you or your brother haven't received a call from the facility with concerns about your parents' behavior, I'd say things already are fine, and they have settled in.
Please remember that your brother did the right thing. As others have said, your parents are getting 24 hour care--that is the best possible outcome for them.
Please silence your phone or block them temporarily and visit when you are ready. Please take care of yourself.
Really they need to adjust to the situation. Blocking them may be a good thing for them. Forces them to get involved.
Silence your ringer, block their number, or change your phone number.
Delete any voice mails without listening.
There is no problem here that you need to fix for them. Obviously, they are where they need to be. If they don't belong there, they can simply leave. If they are capable of moving somewhere else to their liking, they are free to do so.
If you were to "come and get them", where would you take them?
If you don't want to completely cut ties with your parents, you can call them, at your convenience, and as soon as they start making unreasonable demands, tell them the conversation is over and hang up. You need to establish and protect your own boundaries. No one else will.
I can tell you that if I was talking to someone on the phone and they started screaming at me the call would abruptly end. And I would not pick up when they called back.
I have to ask. .have your parents been diagnosed with dementia?
Is your brother POA for them?
If they are competent they can arrange their own exit.
If they are competent and your brother is POA they can talk to the lawyer and have brother removed as POA. Or see to it that the POA is not active at this time, until they are declared incompetent.
But you do not need to take the calls nor the verbal abuse.
Then go seek a thrapist to help you move forward. Wishing you all the best in this ifficult situation.