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Whatever information I can learn to help my 86 yo FIL, mild dementia, for his uncontrollable urinating, leaking through his disposable undergarments, I greatly appreciate it. The size fits good. Should he/we be checking his undergarment more often, like every hour? Thinking he could be urinating when he doesn’t know it, & by the time of the leak, he is surprised by the leak.
Dad is able to use the toilet on his own (just not in time). He is frustrated, embarrassed & upset. He’s had a UTI two times. He needs to take the water pill, increased dosage. He wears a pull-up style undergarment. What is the best quality undergarment, & is the velcro style any easier/better? Also what is a comfortable clothing brand for dress pants (not jeans)?
Thank you!

My husband became fully incontinent at the age of 53 as a result of a massive stroke. I have been caring for him at home for 10+ years.

The tab style briefs (adult diapers) are more absorbent than the pull-up style.

He may need help with putting on and taking off. Also, make sure you have adult size pre-moistened wipes for thorough cleaning of the skin in between changes.

In a care home, the rule-of-thumb is to check and/or change the diaper every two hours. If your Dad is using the toilet and urinating successfully in the toilet, he may be able to go longer than the two hours.

I like the Tena brand with stretch side tabs, which allow a more customized fit, however the absorbent material in between the legs is heavy-duty, which can be bulky in between the legs, and may be uncomfortable for him.
Walmart's Certainty brand is readily available and affordable at any Walmart store, or online. They are thinner, less bulky, which could feel better between the legs, but need to be changed more frequently, as it doesn't hold as much fluid.

I don't know about dress pants, but for my husband, I only use elastic waistband pants! Such as sweatpants or Lounge pants. I have seen dress style pants available for men with an elastic waist.
If he is going out on public and wants to hide the bulky diaper, he could try wearing boxer briefs Over the diaper. That might compress and hold the diaper in place. But, there really should be no need for embarrassment, as many people wear adult diapers. It is commonplace and perfectly acceptable.

Here's another idea: If he is able to use the toilet, perhaps getting him into a routine of going to the toilet every hour or every two hours will help. If he is leaking before he can make it to the toilet, and unaware that he has urinated, it sounds like he does not have any control. He might like to think that he does, as it is hard to accept losing control of something you've done all your life.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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My dad is 83 and is incontinent with Alz and Parkinson’s. He lives with me and the BEST male disposable underwear (I never call them diapers out of respect) are Attends brand overnight white pull ups-the BEST! The only place that still carries them is healthwick.com. I used to be able to find them on Amazon and Carewell, but they are no longer in stock.
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Reply to Mfanelli
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If FIL is "frustrated, embarrassed and upset" by this leakage, he should be visiting the bathroom a lot more frequently. Especially that he's on a higher dose of diuretics. Why would he be needing to wear dress pants with chronic leakage anyway? I'd recommend he wear elastic jogging pants that are easier to pull down and have no buttons, zippers or belts to deal with. Have him use a booster pad too.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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CaringBee Feb 11, 2026
Thank you! I will research booster pads as well. I meant dress pants as nice pants (versus shorts) to wear at their dining room, special occasions, and/or outside events - shopping, site-seeing, sports events, etc.
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Mine uses Depends. Even a 12 hr night one holds moisture well. Curious it leaks. Must not be fitting around leg openings?
I find "relax" fit dockers or similar brands fit him and looks dressy enough.
JRJ
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Reply to Jayne44
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It sounds like urgency incontinence comes into play. Has he seen a urologist to rule out prostate problems?
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Reply to MACinCT
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My husband suffers from severe dementia among other health issues, including an enlarged prostate. LivDry Adult Incontinence Underwear, Extra Absorbency is what works best for him and his needs with Depend coming in a close second.

Hope this helps StarJoan.
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Reply to AnnVFuqua
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I'm sure there are likely more highly absorbent underwear than what he's using now, and there are also booster pads you can put inside your regular product. You might also want to check that he's got his business positioned so that his stream isn't aiming for the top or sides 😐
But since he himself is noticing a problem it may be simplest to encourage him to use the toilet at regular intervals, every two hours or so.
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CaringBee Feb 11, 2026
Thank you! I’ll ask my husband to check the business.
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You might want to look into booster pads for his undergarments. They are similar to 'regular' incontinence pads, but smaller. They might be able to capture the extra urine. My husband had good luck with the Depends brand pullups. That way he felt like he was wearing standard underwear.
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