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My mother owns two homes and land that she obviously expects my husband and I to take care of. We have our own home and yard to mow and my husband still works full time. I don't know how to push back on her when she complains about everything "going downhill" and needing work. I suggested a neighbor man and a relative to help out and she threw her little tantrum. We cannot keep up with the work and she controls the money and receives crop money to maintain the property. I am the trustee but she blabs everything to her nosy sisters so I have to be careful what I say and do. They judge me and would think I'm taking advantage if I were to take over her finances. The properties are needing work but I'm 60 years old with a bad back and do the mowing myself. Where does this end?

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How hard is it to tell mom you and hubby are unavailable to do the work on her properties and she needs to make other arrangements. Sure she will get mad, who wants to pay for something they were getting for free. That isn't your problem though.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Explain yo Mom you are considered Seniors too. That your husband still works and has his own home to take care of. She needs to pay someone to care for her properties. Maybe its time for her to sell her property if she can no longer care for it. You need to set boundaries.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Lander22, I remember back when my parents needed help around the house. I, too, was a senior myself. After years of helping, I stood in front of my mirror at home, practice saying "no, I can't possible do that" until I was comfortable with that statement. Then I used it. They reacted like my hair was on fire, but I stood firm, it wasn't easy (only child).


At one time my Dad even asked for me to resign from work. Since during my career I had to break a few glass ceilings, I wasn't ready to quit. So I asked my Dad if he had resigned from his career to take care of his parents? He said "no", and never asked me again.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Resign as trustee. Resign your POA. You can't be the trustee of a trust that's just property with no money in the trust to maintain it. And you won't be able to act as POA for someone who won't listen to reason either. Give mom a chance while she's still mentally able to make other provisions. Or to not make other provisions, that's on her. You literally cannot force another adult to do anything they don't want to until they're completely and utterly incapacitated either mentally or physically. You could be in your grave by then.

Take some time for yourself and maybe work out where you and hubby might like to live when he retires. You two have a life to live and you deserve to live it.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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1. Don't pay yourself. Do not do the work.
2. Tell Mom you and your husband can no longer do the work and she will need to find someone.
3. Ignore anything she says to the sisters. Who cares.
4. It sounds like Mom is financially comfortable. She needs to be outsourcing this.
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Reply to brandee
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Why does anyone expect the maintenance to be done for free?

Does the trust make a provision of funds for such work? If so, do it -- and who cares if anyone gets suspicious or cranky or gossipy over it. Anyone who complains should be told that they are welcome to come do it themselves.

You can only do so much. I would have your Mom's cognition tested. If you are her PoA you need to make decisions in her best interests. This does NOT mean you do the work yourself or struggle to find freebees for her (as this is no longer sustainable or in the realm of reality).

If you don't harden yourself against the mere opinions of others then you are not the right person to be trustee. Don't make emotional decisions or they will surely be bad decisions.

I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you manage the trust.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Lander22 Mar 9, 2026
I'm going to discuss this with her attorney to see if I can pay myself or pay someone else. We are being taken advantage of with the reminder that we're inheriting all this stuff. I don't even want it now.
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Stop participating in the chaos. She needs to hire someone or it won’t be done
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Reply to southernwave
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Just say no, you will not do the work yourself.

What do you mean by, your mother owns two properties but you are the Trustee? What are you the Trustee of? Do the homes and land belong to your mother, or to a Trust?
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Reply to MG8522
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Lander22 23 hours ago
They belong to the trust and there's a few hundred thousand and both properties in it but she won't allow me to have any money since she's still in her right mind. That's debatable
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Stop helping her . Tell her she has to hire someone or sell the properties.
This is quite ridiculous of her to expect you to do free labor.
Learn the word “ No” and stop caring what anyone including nosey aunts think.
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Reply to waytomisery
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Lander22 18 hours ago
I know I should. Not only do they not help her but they didn't help with their own mom.
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You make the decision to 1. step back from doing anything
or
2. use your written power as Trustee to become in charge of all property management. You take all that paperwork and either speak to the atty who did it or another atty who does estate planning and trusts,, so that you can pay for all work being done on the land, lay it’s costs, and pay yourself a management fee.

Is it an actual working farm / ranch? So how are workers being paid to do work / harvesting?
Or it is dead land that gets a payment from USDA to stay out of commerce? Who is doing the paperwork on this? and is she paying the property taxes and are they current? I’d check on both of these cause if these aren’t being dealt with, it helps establish that all control of the trust need to go to you as Trustee as she’s incapable.
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Reply to igloo572
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MG8522 4 hours ago
All excellent points, igloo. The Trust also has to file a tax return every year. Is that being done? If you are the sole Trustee that is your responsibility, so your mother needs to give you access to the finances.
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