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Lander22, I remember back when my parents needed help around the house. I, too, was a senior myself. After years of helping, I stood in front of my mirror at home, practice saying "no, I can't possible do that" until I was comfortable with that statement. Then I used it. They reacted like my hair was on fire, but I stood firm, it wasn't easy (only child).


At one time my Dad even asked for me to resign from work. Since during my career I had to break a few glass ceilings, I wasn't ready to quit. So I asked my Dad if he had resigned from his career to take care of his parents? He said "no", and never asked me again.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Just say no, you will not do the work yourself.

What do you mean by, your mother owns two properties but you are the Trustee? What are you the Trustee of? Do the homes and land belong to your mother, or to a Trust?
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Reply to MG8522
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Lander22 Mar 9, 2026
They belong to the trust and there's a few hundred thousand and both properties in it but she won't allow me to have any money since she's still in her right mind. That's debatable
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Why do you care if her sisters judge you for doing what needs to be done to take care of mom and her property? It's none of their business, they don't help, and mom put you in charge.

So, act like it. If mom throws a tantrum, leave. You and your husband and your needs are at least as important as mom's! It seems as if you're still feeling that you are the little child who must obey mom or be punished. Is that appropriate now? Is acting out the old family dramas useful in any way?

Where does it stop? It stops when you become the grownup. I wish you luck in learning how to do that because it's going to get worse as mom's health declines. It would be best for you and husband if you survive her and inherit those properties that she's dangling in front of you like carrots on a stick.
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Reply to Fawnby
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How hard is it to tell mom you and hubby are unavailable to do the work on her properties and she needs to make other arrangements. Sure she will get mad, who wants to pay for something they were getting for free. That isn't your problem though.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Explain yo Mom you are considered Seniors too. That your husband still works and has his own home to take care of. She needs to pay someone to care for her properties. Maybe its time for her to sell her property if she can no longer care for it. You need to set boundaries.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Why does anyone expect the maintenance to be done for free?

Does the trust make a provision of funds for such work? If so, do it -- and who cares if anyone gets suspicious or cranky or gossipy over it. Anyone who complains should be told that they are welcome to come do it themselves.

You can only do so much. I would have your Mom's cognition tested. If you are her PoA you need to make decisions in her best interests. This does NOT mean you do the work yourself or struggle to find freebees for her (as this is no longer sustainable or in the realm of reality).

If you don't harden yourself against the mere opinions of others then you are not the right person to be trustee. Don't make emotional decisions or they will surely be bad decisions.

I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you manage the trust.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Lander22 Mar 9, 2026
I'm going to discuss this with her attorney to see if I can pay myself or pay someone else. We are being taken advantage of with the reminder that we're inheriting all this stuff. I don't even want it now.
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