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I am living with a 92 yr old, retired therapist. In good shape physically, short term memory 90% gone.I'm not family - I have PTSD, which her anger triggers in me.Is it best to put space between us as long as she's safe, if I feel triggered? She blames me for her physical discomfort, which is temporary (sort of a diaper rash situation due to bladder leakage) and thinks I gave her an infection. I'm new to her, having been here only 7 weeks. I've been told it will take time for her to accept my presence in her home. She lived alone for a couple of decades, with very attentive family, who are burnt out so asked me to move in to keep her from falling in bathtub and to be an overnight presence.Big old house, lots of space.Suggestions?Thanks very much.

My suggestion is to move out ASAP, as you are in no way equipped to care for a 92 year old woman who triggers your PTSD.
Her family is going to have to step up and either get her placed in the appropriate facility or move in with her themselves. You should NOT be putting your mental health at risk just so her burned out family members get a break. That is so unfair to you, and what I call abuse, so please make plans tonight to move out soon.
I wish you well in doing just that.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Are you a professional hired by the family, or are you a friend of a friend and living there full time in exchange for watching her? That’s not appropriate compensation and it didn’t sound like this is a good work situation for you in any case.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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What is your payment and time off arrangement?
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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A person like this needs 24/7 and no one person can do it, not do I think you’re being compensated anywhere near a 200+ k salary based on 20/hour.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 28, 2026
@PeggySue

Live-in caregivers generally aren't get paid hourly. They're paid a salary. Part of their salary is that they get free room and board in the client's home. They also get wages.
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Where does Lainefree mention compensation?
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PeggySue2020 Apr 27, 2026
Which makes it even worse.
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This lady’s family needs to be fair to her and you both. This is a bad living arrangement for all. She needs professional care in a safe setting and you need a job that is peaceful and sustainable.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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The last thing on earth you should do for a living is care for someone with dementia! Even for people w/o PTSD, these elders can cause it. I'm not joking. Please realize things will only get worse, never better, as dementia is a progressive condition.

Quit and don't look back, that's my suggestion. This woman needs to be placed in Memory Care where she'll have a team of caregivers looking after her, as my mother did.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 28, 2026
Best answer on the thread, Lealonnie. Very good advice.
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Are they paying you market rates, including taxes and proper tax paperwork? What if she does fall in the bathtub or on the stairs, or forgets to turn off the stove, or wanders out while you’re asleep? If she has rage episodes she should be medicated to calm her. This doesn’t sound like a responsible situation for anyone.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 28, 2026
@MG8522

The OP is not asking questions on tax or labor laws. A live-n caregiver cannot prevent everything 24 hours a day. The same way toddlers fall down when they're learing to walk or little kids get sick or hurt. It's not because they're parents aren't taking good care of them. It may be time for memory care for this client.
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I agree with all the other *experienced* caregivers who responded to you: move out. This isn't the right job for you.

Is she even on medication for her anger/depression? You know she will only get worse, right?

Are you getting free rent in exchange for caring for her? If so, that family has a LOT of nerve using you like this. Don't be desperate -- you're better than that.

Move out and move on.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Probably a good idea for her to downsize to a smaller house, maybe her mood would change
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Geaton777 Apr 28, 2026
That's a huge amount of money, time and energy (by other people) for a "maybe" result. Meds would be a less onerous (and risky) first strategy.
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I hope you take the advice the experienced here have given you and quit this job. No job is worth sacrificing your mental and/or physical health for. If you've got PTSD and her rage episodes trigger it, quit this job. Give the family notice and make sure you leave with a character reference from them if you should choose to take on another position in the caregiving field. Don't take live-in assigments though.

I did homecare for 25 years before going into the business of it. I didn't do live-in work. The agency doesn't even offer it. There should never be just one caregiver on a live-in assignment. The workers should be splitting the week, one weekdays one weekends, or the overnight shift should be its own position. A client's home should never be a caregiver's official residence. This way the caregiver isn't there 24/7 every day and they have a home to go to if they quit the position.

In the meantime while you're still with her, do not let her verbally abuse you. When she starts raging at you, give some of it back to her. You don't have to scream and yell or anything. When she starts up, look her square in the face and tell her: "Don't you dare speak to me like this. I did not make you old or cause your pain. You will not blame me for it." Then walk away and ignore her. Go into your room and lock the door if you have to. Take a walk if that's possible. Just get away from her until you've calmed yourself down.

Please, quit this position though. It's not worth whatever they're paying you.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Quit the job. No job is worth destroying your mental health and getting your self-care and life out of whack taking care of a combative senior.

You need a life outside of this craziness. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

When you work a job, you need health insurance, sick days, and a 401 K or some type of retirement plan. Most home care agencies or private hire jobs don't provide these incentives to their employees.

My question now when I sign up for an agency or any private pay client is; what are they offering besides a paycheck? What happens if I get injured on the job? Will I at least be offered Workman's comp?

So, no, don't destroy your health over an old elderly tyrant.

I agree with Burnt, with having a separate address from the client's home.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Find another line of work. I hope you are getting therapy for the PTSD.
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