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My poor Mom is 96, on hospice, and we have advanced directives in place – no hospitalization except for trauma. It's only been ten days since we put her in the nursing home, and already she had a fall and her hand split open. She and I spent all day in the ER and then I finally got her back to the home. The next day she had a bad infection and her lungs were filling up. I drove to CVS myself to get the antibiotics for the nurse. Since the fall I have been with Mom almost all the time. I am afraid to leave her there alone. Last night, Mom was in terrible pain, as often happens, and the nurse refused to give Mom the medication that is supposed to be given as needed for that pain. She said that Mom had "enough" and couldn't have more until "the next shift." Those are not the hospice orders. I said, as a family member, I was authorized to administer the medication, and the nurse started yelling at my mother that she was going to call the ambulance and send my Mom to the hospital, which is Mom's worst fear. The nurse kept threatening Mom and I finally had to block her from coming in the room. I am frantic – what can I do? I don't know how to prevent this cruelty.
There should be a Elderly Abuse/Geriatric Abuse Hotline in your community. I would have her moved or have Hospice come to your home and give her care there. I am aware that Medicare will cover Hospice coming to the house to provide care. This will give you a break and help you keep those people in view so those types of things do not happen to your Mom.
To begin with did you actually witness any abuse, and if so there may be an agency that overssee's such matters, and in your behalf. If on the otherhand you did witness abuse or neglect by the nursing home staff, I would have her moved to another facility where she would receive better treatment, If you have POA for her health, the final decision is yours..There should be no reason for you to have to run to any pharmacy-as the nursing home-I would think, is well equipt. Anyhow these are my thoughts in the matter..and Good Luck!
If your Mom is on hospice, it doesn't make any sense that she should be deprived of palliative medicine that would eliminate her great pain. That sounds weird and inhumane. That "nurse" who withheld the pain medication doesn't sound professional-acting to me. And for her to yell at your mother is abusive. I agree with kelo54, that it makes the most sense to move your mother into your home ( with in-home hospice care) or else into another hospice with better care. After your mother has moved out, then you could report the unprofessional behavior of the nurse to higher authorities within that hospice. I don't think that she should get away with such behavior. What about the next patient in line?
The yelling and attitude of the staff is abuse; the refusal to give medicine against hospice orders is illegal. This treatment is unacceptable and you are right to pursue. I would begin with hospice - alert them to the situation, confirm that your mother is under hospice care. Something is very wrong here and there are many people/agencies/organizations that can help you and I'll bet, as others have said, that there is someone in that nursing home who is supposed to oversee care. Hospice care at home is comforting. I hope this works out for you and your mother.
Lovemymom, just thought of this----If it just seems too big a job to move your mother out of her current hospice, then I think you have no choice but to report this nurse and ask that she be removed from your Mom's case. However, you could still run into unpleasant experiences at that hospice , seeing that the nurse in question will still be there, as well as her colleagues. At this particular time in your Mom's life---she needs, and you the family needs, to have PEACE and COMPASSION surrounding you. Most hospice workers are "angels". You deserve to have the angels.
The only drawback to reporting while your mother is in her current hospice is retaliation. NO it is not supposed to happen, however, sadly it does. I have worked in Pallitive Care and Critical Care evironments for years. I would call Medicare and ask if her Medicare covers the in home hospice. Hospice can move her back into your home so that you do not have to take that on all by yourself and they have teams that work 24/7. Once she is gone from that place, you then go to the Administrator/Director and file your formal complaint. This will keep your Mother safe as well eliminate future worry on your behalf. Directors/Administrators do not want complaints as JACHO inspects them yearly and they can be shut down, fined, inprisoned for patient abuse.
Years ago my mom had a stroke and could not walk or talk but believe me her eyes could tell u a lot. She was in a nursing home for a while and was terrified of this one nurse or aid (I don't remember which) My sister went to the nursing station and talked to whomever was in charge and told her that for some reason my mother was afraid of this one nurse. That this nurse was not to go near my mother and if she did there would be hell to pay. She didn't go near my mom again and all went well. I'm so tired of being afraid of saying something because they may do some harm to a loved one. Sometime u just have to let them know if some harm comes to your loved one that they will surely have to deal with you. What good would it do to wait to say something? If someone is going to be abusive to her they r more likely to do it if you don't say anything. P.S. Home hospice would be a good choice if it was available to you. Good Luck & a Big Hug, Dane
I agree with Dane. Something has to be said and the offender will then be on notice and probably will act decently. Elderly patients deserve and need attention NOW. I cannot believe a hospice organization would allow this to continue if they were aware of the situation.
Lovemymom, I totally agree with Kelo54. Get your Mom out of that place, and have her come home for Hospice care. If they will help 24/7, you can get the help and compassion for your Mom as she is dying, and you and the family will be comforted to know she is not in pain and being yelled at! I can't believe anyone would yell at a 96 year old lady who is in pain and dying. That is inexcusable! She should have all the meds she needs to be pain free. Good luck, and God bless.
We have only had one experience with hospice care, my husband's mother, and the care she received at that facility was wonderful. I have talked to friends in this area who have had bad experiences with different facilities run by different agencies. Based on that information, if a loved one was having a bad experience in one facility, I would try to find a different hospice. We live in a large metropolitan area so have many options. I hope you are able to resolve this disturbing situation.
if anybody yell at my mom i would jump up and slap her face silly and hard . nobody yells at my mother ! or pa . yes hon u need make sure she gets wrote up or something cuz i believe shes refusing to give ur mom pain meds cuz she wants it for herself ! ya gotta watch that ! they say oh she had enuff cuz i done gave em to her but never did cuz shes takin it herself ! i have had known alot of nurses or cna get sfired overthat . get ur mom home or transfer her to another place , sound slike that place is killing her slowly .... god bless her ! ...
Lovemymom, The nursing home that my mother-in-law was in, had different sections for different problems. One section was for 'residents' that were never going to leave. Another section was 'short term'. I'm wondering if there is an area in that nursing home that is for terminal patients, that she could be moved to. Also, it doesn't surprise me that your mother fell and hurt herself. My nursing home experience was that there were too many patients, and not enough staff to keep an eye on everyone. Also, my m-i-l had to be tied to the chair in her room because she kept getting up by herself, and falling. She was so sure she could walk by herself (after breaking hip) and get to the bathroom alone. We had a really good relationship with the staff at the NH, that when we wanted her moved for whatever reason, they were more than willing to oblige us. It's the old honey & vinegar adage.
lovemymom, You will need to contact the Attorney General's office of your state to report elderly abuse. You just report it and they will take it from there.
I am really sorry that this is happening to you and your Mom. I was a hospice nurse, I agree that she should have been given more medication. I would contact first the director of nursing at the home. If he or she will not do anything contact your states Dept of Inspection and appeals. They take elder abuse and neglect VERY seriously...
I would bring my concerns to the Dir, of Nursing and if that did not help go to the Board of Health in your state-they have to investigate even if they try to cover it up as they usually do when complaints are made and then get her into another facility right away.
My mom was recently sent to a geriatric mental hospital for behavior changes to her medications. She was there for 28 days. She started telling us how afraid she was & that she was being hurt at night. I also saw blood on her blouse by her elbow & was never informed of any incident. I kept asking questions & was told the meds changes make them say things that are not true. She contracted 3 different type of uti infections while there. She was sent back to her nursing after I had a consult w/her Dr. After her bath I looked at her legs & also took a picture, she was bruised from her hips to her feet. I was told by the head nurse that they would do a report on their findings & let me know. That was on a Monday & on Friday I came back for the consult & report & it was not done & I was somewhat dismissed about the whole thing when I said maybe I need to report this to the council on aging. I really do like the nursing home she is in & she seems to be happy & most of the staff love her. Not sure what to do. I do have POA over her medical & financial affairs.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
help us help you.
Bobbie
Anyhow these are my thoughts in the matter..and Good Luck!
Hap
I would begin with hospice - alert them to the situation, confirm that your mother is under hospice care. Something is very wrong here and there are many people/agencies/organizations that can help you and I'll bet, as others have said, that there is someone in that nursing home who is supposed to oversee care. Hospice care at home is comforting. I hope this works out for you and your mother.
Years ago my mom had a stroke and could not walk or talk but believe me her eyes could tell u a lot. She was in a nursing home for a while and was terrified of this one nurse or aid (I don't remember which) My sister went to the nursing station and talked to whomever was in charge and told her that for some reason my mother was afraid of this one nurse. That this nurse was not to go near my mother and if she did there would be hell to pay.
She didn't go near my mom again and all went well.
I'm so tired of being afraid of saying something because they may do some harm to a loved one. Sometime u just have to let them know if some harm comes to your loved one that they will surely have to deal with you. What good would it do to wait to say something? If someone is going to be abusive to her they r more likely to do it if you don't say anything.
P.S. Home hospice would be a good choice if it was available to you. Good Luck & a Big Hug, Dane
yes hon u need make sure she gets wrote up or something cuz i believe shes refusing to give ur mom pain meds cuz she wants it for herself ! ya gotta watch that ! they say oh she had enuff cuz i done gave em to her but never did cuz shes takin it herself ! i have had known alot of nurses or cna get sfired overthat .
get ur mom home or transfer her to another place , sound slike that place is killing her slowly .... god bless her ! ...
You will need to contact the Attorney General's office of your state to report elderly abuse. You just report it and they will take it from there.