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Reactions and feeling of a loved one passing as as individual as the person experiencing them.

'Try" to stay present. This will help with your grieving.

Feeling numb is very natural feelings when an emotional event to this magnitude happens; it is a way for your psyche to protect itself and take care of you - and all that you are going through. Be present. Return to presence. Over and over again.
Stop beating yourself up with the 'what ifs'.

A hospice nurse and a psychiatrist (separate organizations/people) told me that 'often' a person goes when their loved one isn't there as a way to shield them from that pain. (This happened to me). I am not saying that your mom did this - or somewhere in her - that was intentional, desired, or possible - however I believe a person dying knows it is eminent and has some ... ability to manage when that moment will happen. Your mom was protecting you.

I share in your grief and extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Gena / Touch Matters
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MiaMoor Sep 2024
Thank you, Gena.
Mum was afraid of losing herself, so I'd like to think that she had some agency in her last moments.
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When I posted twice... erased once!
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MiaMoor Sep 2024
I think that it looked as if you'd posted twice, but hadn't. So, your erased comment has disappeared :(
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The question you posed actually helped me. Because I think that's how I may feel.
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MiaMoor Sep 2024
I'm glad that it helped you, as well, TakeFoxAway.
We're all different, yet so similar. Our experiences and reactions to them connect us, even though we may never meet.

My condolences to you at this sad time. I hope you find the strength to get through this.
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I have experience the death of several family and friends each one was different. Each one I remember their lives different and how they affected me. Friends, loved ones, family close or near. You will go through the grieving process YOUR way. You say you feel everything is normal - this is how you are handling the grief. That's okay this is your reaction. You ask if you will ever feel this important more fully - no one can tell you only you can.
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MiaMoor Sep 2024
Thank you for your reassurance, Ohwow.
I hope that you have found peace, after losing loved ones.
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