Should I cancel Dad’s cell service?

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Should I cancel Dad’s cell service?

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My father, 84, recently moved to AL (but likely in need of memory care ASAP). He calls multiple times a night leaving lengthy voicemails about how he is stuck in a motel, can’t find his car, etc. I want to cancel his service, but let him keep the phone as a comfort item. Is this a good idea? Will not being able to reach me cause more agitation? He does have a landline with a list of numbers for family and friends. The calls and voicemails are really taking a toll on me.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Dementia Behaviors

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Turn your phone off at night. I put my cell on Do Not Disturb from 11 pm to 9am. I may lose his cell especially if he is has a landline. You could cancel his service. When he tells you his phone no longer works, tell him you will take it to the store to see what is wrong with it. If he asks where it is, tell him they are still working on it, hopefully, he will forget about it. But when u take his phone, make staff aware that you did. My daughter works in NHs and says they have to report a missing phone and look for it, only to find out a family member took it.

Does Dad call other people at inappropriate times? If so, I would definitely cancel his cell and maybe his landline too. Tell the staff that he is not allowed to use the facility phone, a staff members or a residents. The facility can call you with emergencies only. They need to handle everything else.

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Spot on, JoAnn.

I learned the hard way that I needed to use the Do Not Disturb feature because my mom would call 10 times overnight. I did add the RN's phone number and the mainline for Mom's AL facility to my list of Favorites so I can receive those calls overnight.

+1 on OP taking their father's cellphone, and if he asks, say "It's in for repairs." Hopefully he'll forget about it soon enough.

(9)

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When my mother was in AL, she was calling 911 and reporting things like "her purse was stolen," etc. She was also calling family at all hours of the night. I found a phone service called TeleCalm that took care of that problem. It only costs around $59.00 a month, and it connects through WiFi, so you don't need any other telephone service. You can program in the phone numbers of those who can call your parent, and those your parent can call. You can also program the times of the day or night they can call out or receive calls. It is incredibly easy to do! I am not tech savvy and figured it out easily. TeleCalm also has good customer service if you have questions. If your loved one makes any calls to 911, it goes directly to the front desk of the facility.

Oh, it also has a nice voice recording if your loved one tries to call out during night hours, that says, "It's nighttime now, but you can call again in the morning" or something like that.

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I like your idea about TeleCalm telephone option. Thank you for sharing.

(1)

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I use the block feature on my iPhone, her calls go into a blocked folder. If I see her call come up I go into a panick, it doesn’t happen with the block feature. I listen at my convenience.

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You made me remember the panic I experienced with my dad every single time the phone rang. What now? Terrible to be in the position that you knew it was nothing good. (I actually had to see a cardiologist it was so nerve wracking to my system.)

Telling him didn't do anything but increase the calls, do not disturb worked great. My nerves were soon only frayed and not shattered.

Remember that your well-being matters and you are the only one that can know when enough is enough, new plan needed. Don't ever feel guilty about taking care of you, because your loved one is up a crick without a paddle without you. They will survive regular breaks and extended breaks for you to survive this season in life. Create the expectations that YOU can truly live with.

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Your dad may not like this, but please end his phone service. I had to take my mom's phone away. She was angry, but could not see well and got past it.

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Definitely end his cellphone service. If he has a landline at the AL so him having a cellphone is really just an unnecessary expense. Cancel the service and let him keep the actual phone that doesn't work.

If he gets agitated not being able to reach you, so what. He's in assisted living. They can handle him getting agitated. Give them permission to medicate him when he's agitated. The others on the thread are right in that it's probably time for him to be in memory care.

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No--it is not a good idea. My mother went in to memory care several years ago and we tried to let her keep her phone. She would call all hours of the day and night, wanting to come home. Did not remember calling us, had to reset her phone every time we visited because she would just press buttons. She would not participate in any kind of activity the facility provided because she was trying to call somebody. Then my sister and I received 96 phone calls total in one 10 hour period. I told her I had to take it to be serviced and took it home with me. She is much happier without it, participates more and is generally happier without it.

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If there is an "emergency" the facility can get hold of you.
Let his calls go to voicemail,. you can listen to them, or not, when you want.
I am curious does he call others on the landline or his cell phone causing them distress with his calls? If so it might be time to restrict the phones to day time only. and if one or the other "breaks" then it is time to remove it...while you wait for the other one to "break".

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Agree with others. Use "do not disturb". He is in a facility so there will be no emergency. I would recommend NOT taking his phone away as that may cause to get concerned or panic. He needs to be able to take to someone occasionally and appears he doesn't like using landline. The TeleCalm might be a good option.

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It is time to block your dad’s calls so you can get some rest. Unblock calls during times when you are available. If it is a landline, it may have to be disconnected and hide the cable with its connecting jack your dad cannot find.

If your dad gets agitated, obtain an ombudsman to talk with your dad over and over again.

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I recently heard about a phone for folks with memory issues. I believe it's called Jazz. It's supposed to be easy to use, with limited functions and a caregiver can program settings like frequency of calls going out etc. Haven't used it myself, so I hope I'm sharing correct info.

Should I cancel Dad’s cell service?

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