A few years ago, I recalled my mother saying she took out a reverse mortgage loan on the house. I wish I could have stopped her in doing so, I really don't like or believe in reverse mortgages; descendants are often left with the burden of the loan that deceased loved one's leave behind. My brother contacted me about a letter he received on this matter. My mother passed last month on the 8th, and we gave her a proper burial on the 30th of January. My brother is stuck with a $354,855.00 loan that is due. I took him to see my financial advisor, and we are now strategizing a battle plan and possibly getting a lawyer at some point. We are planning on getting extension on the property that last up to the yearend. An underwater effect, whereas the house can exceed the loan, which is a long shot, can allow my brother to live there without paying on the loan. But meanwhile we are planning on the next move. We have a FOR SALE sign up; and tomorrow, we have a 9:30 am appointment with the Small Estate office in the Courthouse in Upper Marlboro, Md. The house is paid off, and my brother still lives there. He works a part-time job that works him maybe two or three days a week.He never had a place of his own. All the times living there, my brother worked jobs that couldn't sustain him in living on his own. I love my parents, but I don't think they did him any justice by not pushing him to independency. Now he's worried, and the little he has to live off is not enough to live anywhere.After we leave the Small Estate office we meet up with my financial adviser.I don't want to move out of my place, next month will be 28 yrs living here and next year it'll be paid off. I wish I can help my brother without moving. This is a one-bedroom apartment-condo, this place will be tight for the both of us. I would have to get a cot for him to sleep on, and plus his clothes too. One possibility is getting a two-bedroom apartment and move in. But I would like to stay in my place and act as a sole proprietor in purchasing a place for him to move in and help with mortgage and condo fee or rent and he pay on the utilities until he can pay on his own. He will have to get a second job to go with his part-time job, maybe something like Lift or Uber, whereas he can work his own hours without jeopardizing his part-time work. Plus, he's going to need something he can do at soon to be 62 yrs of age without killing himself. I love my brother; but he allowed too many opportunities pass by him. If he was diligent enough, he would been able to stand on his own, and we would be working to sell our folks place and donate the furniture, clothes and whatever else inside and be done with it.I would be able to sleep better at night. People should better plan for the days ahead and not just live or do for the moment. Think about the loved ones and the state you'll put them in. I don't like this Delima we're in. My family. Love 'em, but damn!
I believe the comments below are unanimous that you should not move or jeopardize your own financial future to help him. This might sound selfish to you. But consider the idea that in order to be able to help others, we have to keep our own house in order. A lot of the people who read these forums and are caregivers are naturally very generous snd empathetic. And perhaps more susceptible to getting sucked in a little more and giving up too much because it might feel selfish not to. But you can't help others when you yourself have lost your job, become unhoused, gotten a divorce, fallen into depression--all the things that can happen when the giving impulse overwhelms our common sense. So when you help your brother, step number one is to figure out what YOU need. And only after that has been provided for can you move on to figuring out, given those limitations, what you can do for him. Good luck to both of you.
My mantra "I am here to help people find a way, not be the way"
Do not allow your brother to move in with you.
Do not use your own money to support brother (unless you are a multi-millionaire and can well afford it).
Sell your mother's home. The longer your brother continues to live there, its value will decrease if it is not properly maintained. It costs a lot of money and time to maintain a home properly.
Point your brother in the direction of Social Services and Area Agency on Aging where he lives. They can determine if he qualifies for any financial, housing, or employment assistance.
He already has options: work more hours, find a roommate, boarding house, live-in caregiver position, etc.
Your post did not mention that your brother was physically/mentally disabled or an addict, so once you point him in the direction of social services, etc., show him respect by allowing him to make his own choices without second-guessing them.
He is 62, that is very young to still be able to work. Not your problem he hasn't planned for his future. It is not you to solve his problem that your mother left. Has this been the expectation throughout your life? Did your mother expect you to take over? That's terrible if that is the case.
If you must set up appointments with social services for you brother to get guidance on services then do so. But it is up to him to figure out his course of action. Be there if he has questions but don't prop him up financially. AND, for the love of any higher being, do not sell your home to help with this mess.
Good luck. I am sorry your are dealing with grief of the loss of your mother and th stress of your brothers (not yours) dilemma.
Don't.
As others have suggested, help him but don't enable him. The difference is: helping is doing something for him that he *truly* can't do himself. Enabling is helping him do something he *can* do for himself, even if he doesn't get it perfect or you wouldn't have done it that way or it takes a long time or it's painful to watch.
Refer him to your local Area Agency on Aging for resources and housing options. Or, social services for your county. Do not prop him up financially as this will rob you of your own resources when you need them in your elder years.
Also, my financial advisor (and long-time friend) told us to never keep a house for sentimental reasons. It's an unwise move. Unload the house and everyone move on. Even if your brother could live in the house, he couldn't afford the upkeep, repairs, utilities, insurance, taxes, etc.
I'm in the process of emptying and selling a very sentimental house full of decades of wonderful family memories. It's been like ripping off a bandaid in slow motion. Yet, I know we can't keep it without incurring a financial loss. Please go into this with your eyes wide open and your boundaries with your brother firmly in place. He's a grown adult. Time for him to live like one. Better late than never.
Let him finally be a grown man. Sixty-two is not too old to work. Most people are still in the workforce full-time at that age. If his part-time job is 2-3 days a week, that leaves him four full days a week he can do another job. Or maybe he could turn his current part-time job into full-time?
And please do not try any fraudulent shenanigans with the reverse mortgage. Your mother took the money and used it, presumably for your brother as well as herself, since he was living there, and she signed to use the house as collateral. The reality is that the money is owed. As Shirley said, he can rent a room.
I know a couple of families in which one member was babied by the parents and everyone worried about what would happen when the parents were gone, but it turned out that once the parents were not holding them back, the adult children rose to the occasion and became capable, competent, and happy. Give your brother the same chance. (Has he worked enough in his lifetime to qualify for Social Security and Medicare? If not he should find out how much more work credit he needs and set that goal for himself.)