We recently moved my mom into an assisted living memory care unit. She has dementia and does not understand that this is most likely a permanent move. Every time my dad and I visit, she enjoys seeing us, but then gets upset when we leave without her.
Will taking visitors (friends, family) to see her be good for her or upset her more? Any advice is appreciated!
Experimentation with more visits and evaluation will decide what is best for your own unique person here, but I would not spend a lot of time forcing these visits in the hope of change in what is not an especially good time in our lives.
So if you visit during the day plan to leave around lunch time, get her to the table for lunch and when she starts to eat or talk with others at the table take that as your cue to leave.
Same can be done with dinner.
Or when you want to leave ring for a caregiver/CNA to come and get her to the bathroom and you can leave while she is being helped.
If you bring a visitor with you they will leave when you do. If the visitor goes by themselves instruct them to also get her involved with a project before they go.
If they do not do this and cause your mom stress or agitation then you can exclude visitors unless they are with you or other family member that will follow the "rules" you have established
All you can do is allow people to visit and see how she handles the visits.
When your mother has had time to get settled and accept that this is her new home, then other people should start visiting. It would likely be overwhelming for her to have many visitors and extended family now because it will give her false hope that she'll be going back home at some point when she isn't.
Give her time. Encourage her to join in the entertainments and activities there. Even go with her a couple times. When she's settled, then have family and friends visiting.
Visitors all the time are not a good idea in the early weeks or months after someone is placed if they're having trouble acclimating to their new environment.
Family can check up on their loved one in person without stopping by to visit. They get seen by staff, so everyone knows the person is important and doesn't get ignored. The facility should be made aware that certain people will be regularly coming by to observe the OP's mother but probably won't be stopping to visit with her for a while because she needs time to adjust to life in the facility. This will keep them on their toes if they get used to seeing certain faces.
How sad that your mother did that. Maybe she had some kind of dementia as well that caused her to turn on your father like that. It happens though. I was a caregiver for many years as my work and I've seen spouses turn on each other when one had dementia and the other didn't. The one not with dementia was often the one who turned. Some people just can't deal with it. Or they've been dealing with the behaviors for too long. No judgments, it happens.