Sibling not agreeing to mom's placement. What should I do?

Mother has advanced dementia and i am in hell...have put my marriage on back burner since father died oct 8 2025 and am losing my mind. I have only seen my husband two times since my father's death. I do not have the personality patience health or nurturing disposition for this responsibility. Shes incontinent, 3/4 of the time speaks incoherently, refuses shower/bathing, fights diaper changes, and is a wanderer...up all night multiple times(i counted 17 times one night between 12am and 7am) I dont get sleep despite an overnight caretaker cuz my mond wont shut off due to the stress.. Every aspect of my life has become about her...
My brother who lives on the same property as both parent used to be their caretaker but things were different when my dad was here ..there was no overnight care involved and they had caretakers that came 5 to 7 hours every day. My dad was also at dialysis 3x a week for 4 hours a day.. and while he was there, my brother let my mom wander around on the property and he did yard work. Since my dads death she has declined further yet my brother wont agree to put her in a facility despite having the liquid resources to do so...says im selfish cuz "i just want to return to my life with my husband", claimed my husband is behind my thinking which couldnt be farther from the truth, also said I have an evil spirit living inside of me and accused me of an abortion 25 years ago which the reality was, I left town for 5 months, had the kid and put him up for adoption cuz I knew since I was 15 that I cannot do a caretaker job including raising kids...
Yesterday things came to a head when he, who has never communicated well, when I brought up the fact that I cannot do this level of care taking anymore he lashed out, kicked and broke a potted flower, yelled inflammatory insults at me, accused me of an abortion, said i have an evil spirit in me and since hes lived 41 years without getting married that i should too...i admit that between lack of sleep, chronic stress, perimenopause that is extreme and not responding to HRT or a good diet, and trying to manage so many things it would make most peoples head spin if they knew, i snapped..i pushed him and then threw him to the ground (he didnt fight back). I just couldn't handle the inflammatory remarks. He doesn't understand that I don't just come in the house and sit with her which is extremely difficult for a person as active as me to do as I am not 80 years old. I am also the one responsible for all the laundry, keeping this house clean thats out in the country w people constantly tracking dirt in and the dog rolls in the dirt and brings it inside and shakes off and I'm just constantly fighting a fight where I'm constantly cleaning and doing the job of three different people. Cleanliness isn't an important thing to him but when we have paid caretakers coming in here and staying overnight with her, the house needs to be presentable. But he was trained by the way my father lived in this house with filthy disgusting habits until I got in here and cleaned it up. Ugh!
Anyway, I'm extremely regretful that things got physical yesterday and I'm just glad that he's a decent human being and didn't fight back because I could have really been hurt. But I snapped and everybody has that line that when it's crossed, bad stuff happens. Some people may not be aware of where their line is at because they've never been pushed that far but everybody has it. And for me walking away from the situation is not an option because SOMEONE has to keep eyes on her constantly.
If this isnt evidence for how overwhelmed and ill fit i am for this position, nothing does. the thing is, my mom is not financially in bad shape. She is she is well off enough to afford facility care but not well off enough to afford the same level and amount of care in the home, so somethings gotta give and it SHOULDNT be me..
Im finally POA & executor of the estate-is it ok if i override him and place her anyway?