Follow
Share

My Dad passed away last September. To make a long story short I was his caregiver for 8 years and my Mom's for about 12. One of my sisters who'll I just call Bossy the Cow was visiting us before he died and I went no contact because of the nasty stuff she kept saying after he died. Now 7 months later I get an intimidating letter rehashing old wounds and questioning the care my Mom got when she was alive. She's going on about how we put mom in the nursing home in 2009 and made rather libelous comments about my Dad and I regarding her care. She hasn't been in our lives for over 45 years and a couple of years ago she actually had the nerve to call the cops on me because my Dad blocked her on FB and blamed me. The cops came and interviewed us both and said that they won't be coming back because they can see I was taking good care of him. They told her she wasn't welcome here yet in 2024 she just showed up at our door, I let her him because my Dad was on hospice. My Dad had aa will and left everything to me and she knew that she that when she visited. No mention then of wanted any money. Now, because I won't talk to her she is demanding $50,000 which she considers her part of my Mom's wrongful death suit. My dad was the sole receiver of any fund and put in out joint bank account that we shared and said it was mine since I took care of Mom. When he died everything went to me so hasn't a leg to stand on but it her blackmailing and intimidation that bothers. I did call the police non emergency number to report I was being exhorted for $50,000 from a family member and they were going to send a PO over. I'm also seriously considering filing a civil suit against her for harassment and libel. People might disagree but she has to learn that she can't run other's lives. I took care of them with no help from any family members. My Dad saw that and made sure I was taken care after died.

Find Care & Housing
Afterthought: Perhaps YOU could demand $60,000 if she CONTINUES to talk to you. It would make as much sense as what she is demanding of you. Of course, you're blocking her and ignoring her, so don't do that. But still…..

Have you bought that ticket to Hawaii yet?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Fawnby
Report
dolldivas 19 hours ago
I had thought of demanding a million dollars from her for the 20 years I took care of but I don't want to escalate it. I did talk to an attorney online and he pretty much confirmed what I have read and already knew. She's just bully who is used to getting her way. She ought to spend more time worrying about her suicidal son and granddaughter. I had to listen to THAT while she visited.

I've been thinking about writing a book about my family.

I was just looking at Hawaii. And the Florida Keys.
Thanks so much for your help.
(1)
Report
I hope she leaves you alone. What a terrible position she has put you in. Keep anything she sent you and put it in a safe spot. If she is the violent type, get some security for your home and alert the police if she comes around again. If she takes further steps get a restraining order. I would find a lawyer NOW rather than later, but just to have their name on hand, not pay for anything yet.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JustAnon
Report
dolldivas May 8, 2026
I put everything away in Dad's box that I keep his papers. Luckily she lives in Mississippi and I live in Colorado so she'd have to file here with her "attorney friend" who also has a copy of the letter. That's intimidation. Call me or my lawyer will sue you for $50,000 from the settlement. If she bothers me again I am calling the police.
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
The settlement went to Dad as Moms spouse. No one other than him was entitled to it. It became part of his estate when he died. He had a Will that left everything to you. She could have contested the Will then. Probate is closed.

45 years, there is a reason no one spoke to her in 45yrs. Keep the letter just in case but like said, block her in every way possible. If she comes to your home and causes problems, call the police. I would say, too, some mental illness here.

Yes, its up to her to sue and sounds like she does not have the money. You don't need toxic people in your life. They are never satisfied. Now its the money, tomorrow something else. If you have kids, warn them not to talk to her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
dolldivas May 8, 2026
Never married and had no kids. I saw how my family was growing up and decided to stop the cycle of abuse by making sure I didn't reproduced.
Never missed either.

There is also a little jealousy with her. Before she did what she did in the 1981 she was my Mom's favorite. When my mom was in the NH in 2012 she actually demanded that we take Mom out of the NH and move her to California so HER family could get to know her. My Dad just laughed at her.

I on the other hand stuck around and made sure I was there if they needed the help. And yes, it was by choice but there was no one else around to take care of them.

My sister is a bully.
(1)
Report
I wouldn’t expend the money or emotional energy. Itf what you said about your dads will and her not being in his life for 45 yrs ,clearly it is just greed speaking and does not need to be addressed. Block her from your phone and computer and be done with it. Go on with your life. You deserve to live now not waste time on her. Good bye to bad blood
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Trish1750
Report
dolldivas May 7, 2026
not going to. i had the police call her and they told her I wanted to be left alone.
She just makes me remember why I don't talk to family.
(4)
Report
Call her bluff, then block her so you don't hear one peep out of her. She doesn't have the money to pay a lawyer for a non-existent elder abuse allegation. Unless there are medical records, witnesses, and police or APS reports, she's got nothing. She is 99% deluded and 1% methane. Also, stop caring about what other people think of you. Maybe consider talking to a therapist so you can find and defend healthy boundaries.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
dolldivas May 7, 2026
Thanks for the advice. I think I was just in shock. I know she can't do squat. It's just the entitlement.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
She most likely has a mental illness. You can just ignore her. It is she who will have hire someone to file a legal lawsuit if she can find a lawyer willing to do this. Too many years have passed from your moms death. and state probate laws will be pretty tough to change a will. She will have to obtain evidence on her own, if any.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

If you're going the legal route, be aware that it is very expensive and could eat up all of the funds you inherited. Just to teach Bossy a lesson? Uh-uh. It won't teach her a thing, and unless she has money, she has no way of paying you damages even if you were to win such a suit. Also, libel is written word, slander is spoken word. Educate yourself before you pay a lawyer $500 an hour to be told that you don't have a case.

Not talking to her does not mean that she can demand money from you. Ignore her. Block her. Use some of your inherited windfall to buy a ticket to Hawaii, where you can cool off in the surf. She can't run your life if you don't let her.

Be happy that your dad rewarded you; he did the right thing. So did you. Peace.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Fawnby
Report
dolldivas May 7, 2026
She wrote me a letter so I would call it libel.
I was a little angry when I posted that. I will take your advice.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter