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My younger sister is taking care of our 91 year old mother. My mother is legally blind and shows signs of memory loss, otherwise in good health. I took control over my mother’s finances about 14 years ago. When she sold her home she gave each of her children a portion of that money and the rest went into a money market for my mother. I was also the one who took her to doctor appointments, running errands, helped with home projects (when she had her home) and grocery shopping. When she decided to move in with the younger sister things changed. Due to my sister’s lies about me she slowly convinced my mother I was not to be trusted for her finances and turned me into APS. Nothing was found by APS yet my mother believes that I have stolen her money. My sister has borrowed around $7,000 from my mother, has used her debit card and has my mother pay for gas and entertainment. She has also had my mother co-sign for a new car, had her pay an attorney so she could get POA away from me and had her set up a new joint checking account behind my back. So now she has full control. I believe she is slowly draining money from my mother for her personal gain but have no proof of this. Their turning me into APS has severely damaged our relationship and my mother will not speak with me.If I make a complaint against my sister for misuse of funds they’ll think it was payback for what they did to me. How or who could I talk to to have someone outside the family investigate my suspicions? Worried out west.

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I would likely choose to move about 1,000 miles away from Sister and mom and send a pretty Christmas Card yearly. Leave them to their own created problems and stay out of it all would be my advice.
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YellowDog, I am writing from current experience. Hire a family-law attorney who specializes in elder-care issues if you are sincerely concerned for your mother's welfare be they mental, physical, financial. However, be honest in asking yourself how prepared you will be to take up responsibility for your mother's care. Consider that your mother may have given Power of Attorney to others for her care with full presence of mind, voluntarily giving your sister access to her assets. If your mother is being taken advantage of, it may not be her mental deficiency alone but a weakness that, for whatever reason, she is willing to accept in herself.
Caring for an aging parent is a full-time, overwhelming job. Its costs in time, energy, money, and mental-and-physical distress, to you and your immediate family, are too high to voluntarily take on such a job.
Seek attorney counsel if legal investigation will ease your mind. Otherwise, the power struggle with your sister may only end with your mom's demise but, in the meantime, be hurting your physical and mental well-being. As a doctor told me a year ago, Sometimes you just need to let go, live your life, and make it happy so you can be healthy.
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Agree. I suggest be glad your sister has assumed responsibility for your mother. Move 1000 miles away and send the Christmas card. Taking responsibility for an elderly parent is a full time job and overwhelming responsibility and endless hassles and stress with care giving, hospital stays, doctors appointments, prescriptions, groceries, yard work, housekeeping. If you dodged all that, consider yourself lucky. Your sister is earning every dollar. OR, relieve your sister every two weeks and you take responsibility for everything for 2 weeks and she goes to stay at your house or does whatever she wants and she is off and you are on. A shared burden and united front to mother.no triangulation.
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Your mother suffers from dementia so if she's the one telling you all this, I'd take it with a grain of salt. Confabulating stories is a big part of dementia. I'd take the good advice given here and run far away from the chaos and madness going on with sissy and mother, who needs it? Send a postcard from Hawaii saying "Wish You Were Here" ......not.
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