A staff member at the memory care assisted-living facility where my mom is a resident was sitting on my mom's bed today. This made me uncomfortable. I was told that the staff member sometimes lies down next to my mom, and I know that the staff member has laid down next to at least one other resident. No one else in the family, including my mom, is bothered by this. Any thoughts?
Sitting on the edge of the bed while helping to dress or wash is one thing, laying down next to someone crosses a line.
Patients who have dementia do not always 'know' what is appropriate.
I'm curious as to why no family member is concerned--that's weird to me!
I had a client I got very attached too, I would spend night in a twin bed next to her, so she could wake me up during the night, it actually worked out very well.
Some people are just more affectionate and comfortable with this.
That's my opinion anyways.
No longer do you get the hug, the backrub, the feeling of an arm around you, even holding hands is missed. But touch is still so important. As long as it is soothing and calming if a person does not want to be touched that has to be respected just as it should be if a person is cognizant.
As long as there is no inappropriate touching or behavior on either part I see no problem with a caregiver having physical contact.
When boundaries are crossed then it becomes a problem.
I would encourage you not to go to admin and complain about something that is, in your words, your problem not hers. Nobody else is bothered because they haven't seen anything inappropriate and I promise you that you would see mom react adversely if she was uncomfortable with this.
I, personally, don't have a problem with loving, kind caregivers that want to make their patients feel loved. That's what this caregiver is giving to everyone she treats this way. I would count my mom blessed to have someone that isn't afraid the old and ill would rub off on them.
Sitting down on the bed by an elder is to my mind not a problem whatsoever. It is bringing yourself down to that person's level to communicate with that person.
Lying down with them on the bed IS probably a problem.
Discuss with the administration of the facility. Be certain to include if this looked to be so that the person who works there could communicate better and more closely, or say read something, work on some close work such as cleansing nails or feeding or reading something.
Just for clarification, have you yourself seen him lie down next to mom, or any other resident?
If you hadn't been told that this staff member is lying down with residents, would his sitting on mom's bed have made you uncomfortable?
I really don't know how I feel about this. I can definitely see both sides of this argument. I will say my opinion is often to trust your gut instincts. Maybe a word to him privately and directly, that you would prefer he not engage in that sort of behavior with your mom. His reaction to that might tell you more about what's going on here than anything else.
I agree about the significance of perception.
Many caregivers work 2 or 3 jobs so the caregiver may have needed a break.
You ask if anyone has any thoughts. Yes, I have several. The first is what is wrong with your family and you? What kind of care facility allows such a thing? It's okay with your mother? Your mother is in a memory care facility. Her mind and judgment cannot be relied upon. It being 'okay' with her doesn't make it okay, okay?
For God's sake and your mother's get her out of there and report this place and this staff member to the police, APS, the state's Ombudsman.
I was a caregiver for 25 years to many people with dementia. Touch is important, that is true. Getting into bed with a memory care resident is not therapeutic touch. It's an episode of 'Law and Order: Special Victims' Unit' waiting to be written.
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