My mom moved into AL yesterday and is slowly realizing that most people around her have some kind of ailment. She is so annoyed by all the attention from the nursing staff and is saying things like “They’re acting like I am here for a medical reason” and “What have you got me into?” I know you can’t rationalize with someone who has a broken brain, but what CAN I say that might help?
I was a staff supervisor at a very nice AL facility. We had a few residents with dementia who thought nothing was wrong with them. They weren't terribly bad off, but certainly not able to manage on their own anymore. What we did was give them small "jobs" to do. Like helping at mealtimes. One lady's job was to fold and lay the napkins for each place setting in the dining room. They helped out with the daily recreation activities too. There was always staff supervising at all times, but it really helped them. Maybe the AL can find something for your mother to do and she might feel better about being there. In the meantime, the therapeutic lie like Geaton suggests in the comments is the way to go. If it works.
Don’t keep indulging in these conversations when it can be avoided . Limit phone call to once a day . Don’t visit her for a week or two until she gets adjusted more . Keep visits and phone calls short. I used to go 1/2 hour before a meal , then leave when it was time for Mom to go to the dining room. The more she gets your ear the more she will be encouraged she will win her position.
She may always say she doesn’t belong there .
You have other excellent advice below already . I won’t repeat the same .
If she's there due to memory impairment you can make up a therapeutic fib and keep telling her it's temporary until... "the gas leak in the house is fixed", "the water can be turned back on", etc.
Then change the subject.
You can tell her they are concerned about her health and want to make sure all her needs are met and then divert with a different conversasion about birds, flowers, weather...what ever comes to mind. In nice weather, go outside into the courtyard or go for a walk around the building.
Diversion tactics are best. Does she like doing puzzles, looking a pictures, crafts? Bring a favorite snack, coffee or do her nails.
Good luck. I wish I could say it gets better but in my experience it doesn't. If it creates anxiety, anger or anguish you may need mediciation to help her.
"I didn't know this was going to be like a hospital…. I don't belong here…. Everyone is sickly/feeble…. It's depressing…. I just don't think I can live here."
I truly don't know what to do to help this situation. She likes the surroundings, she likes her room, but she doesn't feel like she belongs there, and I get it.
You know why she is there. Remind yourself of these reasons. Write them down. She may never understand it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t for the best.
She was a very good showtimer or masker. I would simply explain to her that there are different levels of help that people need. As she began to decline she noticed this less and less.
My mother had anosognosia too and insisted she didn't "belong" with the "stupid morons" in Memory Care. She certainly did, however. God could've come for a visit to say Joann, you DO belong here and she'd have told Him He was full of sh!t like she told everyone else. It didn't matter though. We all let it roll off of our backs because mom was staying right where she was. And she did. Snacks with chocolate helped, big bday cakes for everyone, nice new outfits, visits from me and dh, they all helped as much as possible with an unfortunate situation for all concerned, known as dementia. And the cherry on top of the poop sandwich is anosognosia. Once YOU accept the situation, you'll come up with a story for mom you'll use consistently. But if you waver, you'll wind up taking her home because self doubt will prevent you from believing she NEEDS AL.