Mother passed away peacefully under the care of hospice in her SNF, where she was taken care of by very wonderful people. This forum was a sanity saver (I think I am still considered "sane") and everyone here and everywhere who contributes their time and care to helping others, the elderly and the caregivers, here are good people who are trying their best to help others and themselves. It has been a blessing.
My mother was a simple lady, and wanted no funeral, so we are planning graveside services at a national cemetery where my WWII vet dad is buried. It won't be for a few months, and we are trying to do it ourselves, but would accept any advice on how to proceed with dignity and love for our mother. Has anyone done this on their own before or should we hire a funeral home? Mother has already been cremated here and the cemetery is 3 hours away from us. Just a thought that maybe someone has done this before without a funeral home planning it.
We had a short service at the military cemetery for both mom and dad, dad being the serviceman who fought in WWII. They played taps for him, and gave mom a folded flag which was hard to stay dry eyed for. For mom there was nothing but a brief introduction at the pavilion we were assigned. I brought a big vase of flowers and a memory board with photos, and a large framed photo of mom. I said the eulogy I wrote, and allowed others to speak as well. The time you get is very limited.....like 25 min or thereabouts, so it MUST be brief. When the time is up, an attendant comes by to take the urn off to be buried. Nobody is invited to that.
Afterwards we went to lunch for moms celebration of life, and back to the AL community room for Italian cookies, liqueurs and music for dad.
I think a short service at the pavilion is in order if you want a non fussy memorial to say your final words. No funeral home is required unless you want to go there afterward for a reception or ceremony of some kind. I think it'd be a waste of money personally, but maybe you would not.
Again, our military cemetery did not allow graveside services, so do call yours to get the details with regards to burying cremains.
Best of luck to you.
I would call the cemetery directly if this is a Military Cemetery, and ask for information and guidance. I wouldn't know another way to start. Hopefully others here have done this.
As I read your post I realized I have had similar experiences to what you have planned and happy to share one with the VA. Only my personal experience was with a cremation going into a columbarium.
My BIL was a vet of Korean War and after a long slow illness was buried at a large national cemetery and we did not use a funeral home.
The cemetery has to be contacted as soon as possible in order for you to find out what requirements they have and dates/times they have available. All of the contact info can be found on line as you probably know.
While it is a national cemetery they may have unique to them requirements as well as the standard ones depending on the individual circumstances. . Like you will probably need a copy of your parent’s marriage license. Things of that nature. They will provide you with those details of choices and what you will need to provide to show your mom is eligible to be buried there.
We were able to reserve a small chapel for BIL service. His was right after death.
His son picked up the ashes from the cremation facility and brought them to cemetery if I remember correctly. We had about 20 people attending. Different family members volunteered to speak and provide music. There were a few photos of BIL and a register someone in the family provided.
A program was made similar as provided in traditional services with appropriate info. Obit etc., photo. This was printed at an Office Depot on quality paper stock and looked nice. Actually nicer than many funeral homes provide. Afterwards the family that wanted to went to the home of the nearest relative to the cemetery and had lunch. It was small, intimate and memorable. Very easy to do w/o a funeral home. one relative brought a large vase of flowers that were located near the urn and when the service was over the flowers and photo were taken to the private home for lunch and those who wanted a flower were able to take one. I can’t remember going to the columbarium where his urn would be placed following the service.
We have visited it since.
But all of this would be discussed with the cemetery personnel. Perhsps think of them as the funeral home where direction is needed.
Weather, cemetery construction, distance away from the cemetery, etc. these are all things to be considered. Usually not hard to traverse depending on where your dad’s grave is located and mobility of others attending.
Are you thinking of interring her ashes at your Father's gravesite? I think you will need permission for this, if it is even allowed. I know the cemetary where my Grandparents are buried does not allow even the surface scattering of ashes, no matter how little in quantity.
For both of my elderly Aunts, they were first cremated. For one Aunt (in FL) she loved the ocean and we had many many years of beach fun and fond memories of spending time there with her. We invited all those who shared those memories to join us for a planned discrete release of her ashes into the water at a seclude part of the beach, along with lovely hibiscus flowers from her gardens. I read some scripture, someone else read a poem, someone lead a prayer. Then we enjoyed each other for a day at the beach and shared stories about her.
For her sister, who was not a beach-goer ever, but an avid gardener, we did a similar thing, but chose a spot on her property and picked out a lovely new bush and interred her ashes there under the bush, in her garden. Then we restored her aging birdbath and installed a bird feeder near by.
Not sure if this is the kind of advice you were seeking. You don't have to put all her ashes in one place. But if you choose to keep some of her ashes in your home, please be sensitive to the fact that after you are gone, "someone" will involuntarily inherit them. IMO finding a permanent spot for them seems like the best solution.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, peace and comfort during this new season in life.
Your mom was blessed to have you in her corner, you were a great advocate for her. God bless you.