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I’m hoping this will ring true for others in this group, because honestly, I’ve read some of the posts here and felt more seen by people in these forums than I have by some of my own family.When I was around 25, my parents started having major financial problems. My dad eventually declared bankruptcy, their business failed, and they lost the home they had raised us in. At the time, I was still living with them and had spent years dealing with my mom’s depression, my dad’s drug abuse and other issues, and being the person caught in the middle of their blowups and crises. I became the one who helped pick up the pieces.I helped them sell their belongings, move, handle problems, and generally do whatever needed to be done. Eventually they moved to Virginia to be closer to my sister. I kept helping, but eventually I got a job, moved out, and met my now-fiancée. There was always a little resentment from my parents when I stopped being as available, and if I’m being honest, I’ve carried a lot of guilt about it ever since.Fast forward to now: they’re both 70 and disabled. My fiancée and I recently moved to the Pacific Northwest—a dream I had wanted to pursue for a long time. Before I left, I promised I would still be there for them, and I meant it.A month after moving, I went back and lived with them for two months, essentially becoming their full-time caregiver. It took a huge financial and emotional toll on me. When they eventually found a place, my fiancée and I moved in with them temporarily too. Between flights, food, movers, packers, and everything else, we spent a significant amount of money helping them get settled. My sister was helping too. I’ve also taken on roughly $500 a month of their expenses because my dad can no longer work.Eventually, all of us worked together to get them into a low-income apartment closer to my sister. We did it. We got them moved, settled, and somewhere they could afford.And yet…I feel guilty.I’ve spent so much of my life being the rock for my parents that choosing my own life at 37 feels almost selfish. I finally followed my heart and moved across the country with the person I love, and part of me still feels like I’m abandoning them.The hardest part is that they seem so helpless now. Things that seem incredibly small or manageable to me can feel overwhelming to them, and I constantly find myself thinking, “If I’m not there, who is going to do this?”But I’m starting to realize that maybe that question is part of the problem.I love my parents. I’ll continue helping them. But I don’t know how to stop feeling responsible for everything.I’ve been the rock for so long that I don’t even know what it feels like to put myself first without feeling guilty.I’d really love to hear from anyone who has felt this way—especially those who have spent years being the “responsible one” in their family. How do you learn to care about your parents without feeling like you have to sacrifice your entire life for them?
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