I have been a caregiver to a relative that I am not close to. She has a history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental health issues. She came to stay with us a little over a year ago after a fall. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. However her mental health overshadows a lot. It has become too much for me to handle. I have a history of a brain trauma, as well as fibromyalgia. I feel like I’m so alone. She is constantly negative and has BD episodes weekly. However I feel so guilty because she is family.
Call APS and tell them you can no longer care for her. She needs to be in LTC. She needs the State to take over her care.
Family members can be the biggest mooches on the planet! Why, why, why do you think you're The One, The Savior, of Aunt Whozit??? She should have made extended plans for her care when she was able. She didn't do what she should have done, yet you are the one who feels guilty.
You can get out of this. Tell her doctors that you cannot provide the high level of care that Aunt Whozit needs. Ask them for ideas about placement, investigate some places yourself, use your MPOA to move her to the best one for her. Don't have MPOA or POA? That's not good. Never become a caregiver for anyone if you don't have POA! If you don't have POA, it's too late now because Auntie probably no longer has capacity to grant it. In that case, see a lawyer pronto. Find out what options are open to you.
Your main goal needs to be to stop being her caregiver, and soon. You can do it, but the first step is to make a plan. Then you follow through. Goodbye, Aunt Whozit! Whatever happens, remember that she brought her current state of affairs upon herself. And don't pay attention to naysayers who may criticize you. They haven't walked your walk, so they count for nothing.
Who is POA for this person? That is the person that you need to talk to.
If YOU are POA then YOU can make whatever decision you have to in order to ensure that this person is safe and cared for.
If you are POA maybe you should step away from this. Since your relative has dementia she can not select another POA so a relative needs to become Guardian. If no relative wants to step up then the court will appoint a Guardian.
Side note...
If at ANY time you feel threatened you call 911 or whatever the emergency response number is and you say you are frightened for your safety.
If she is ever hospitalized you say that you can no longer safely care for her, you do not feel safe caring for her, she can not be discharged back to your home.
Now you are the one in crisis - is anyone in your family stepping up to help you? Doesn't sound like it. You have nothing to feel guilty of, except allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
Your relative now needs professional level care that doesn't include you. The previous posters offered good advice on how to obtain that care for them.
Be proud of the fact you stepped in to help when no one else would, and be proud of the fact you recognized your own limits before it was too late.
Close to half of all caregivers DIE BEFORE the person with dementia. Add in the mental issues, and I'm sure the percentage is much higher.
Or, another strategy is to call 911 when she is having a mental health meltdown and tell the EMTs that she might have an untreated UTI and is not cooperating with care. Do not tell them she has mental illness OR ALZ since these are not considered medical emergencies. At the ER you tell them she is an "unsafe discharge" and that you are not her legal or willing caregiver. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker to see if she can get transitioned directly into a facility. Whatever you do, do NOT take her back home. Do not answer calls from the hospital. Do NOT believe the hospital if they promise to "help" you if you just come get her (this is a lie they tell to discharge people). This feels harsh but it is still a solution for the both of you.
It will be tricky since your home is technically her legal address (especially if she gets any mail delivered to your home).
If you are being pressured in any way by other family then don't tell them this is what you're doing. The less they know the better.
This was exactly where I was headed. I had not seen my aunt in years, but I called her and stayed in touch. She moved out of state to be closer to other family members, at their request.
Years later, I got a call from this cousin that aunt was not doing well. Cousin believes it was dementia. Can I come and see her? I obliged and helped when and where I could. Soon, the family that lived closer to aunt began to expect more of me. I never expected that they thought I would give up my life and move in and take care of her, but they did. She also has incontinence .
My sister smelled a trap that they were setting up and I backed away.
You sound kind hearted, like myself, and I am sorry you got yourself into this. Your only choice now is to get her placed, which is not going to be easy, but you can do it.
I thank my sister for opening my eyes and not falling into a trap. You can get out of this, too. I'm sorry this happened, but get her placed.