My father is having difficulties accepting any help to help him with soiled pull-ups/clothing. He gets angry, aggressive at anyone trying to help. Obviously this is a very sensitive issue and my dad is a proud individual but as he has no idea why he needs to be cleaned up or how to do it himself, it is becoming more of a heart-breaking task, even a dreaded battle every day.
1. hiring caregivers that will come in and do for him what he will not allow family to do. Sometimes help from an "outsider" is more acceptable than help from family.
2. looking for placement in a facility at the level of care that is needed. For some that can be Assisted Living for others Memory Care.
Hiring someone or looking for placement does not mean that you or the family has "failed" in giving proper care it means that the level of care is more than what you can do.
There is no way either of you can survive these daily struggles.
It's just my opinion that when it comes to this stage of things there has to be in-facility placement.
People always suppose that this decision means the end for an elder, but honestly they can often accept the needed level of care from strangers much better than from family when they are still
struggling for autonomy with such a broken brain.
That I know of there isn't an answer to this and I greatly fear things may be on their way to getting worse. I think you may recognize that this is something you now have to think about. I am so very sorry and I so wish you the best. I hope others have clues for you that will work. I often found in my career as a nurse that family would call in in because loved one would not/could not cooperate with them. And surprisingly, the loved one would just easily do what the "nurse" asked.
Any of the ”tips” will continue to result in discomfort for both you and him, if you are trying to manage his care among family members at home.
Sometimes a belligerent dementia patient will accept an “outsider” trained to provide this sort of service on a planned schedule in the home. If this is considered, be very specific about the requirements of the job when attempting to find a potential employee. It may be helpful to consider whether your father will react better to male or female candidates.
If your father is remaining too long in moist/wet clothing, the risk of skin care issues will need to be considered as part of this problem.
If your father’s anger and aggression are present in other aspects of his life, could a small dose of mild mood stabilizing medication be worth consideration?
When caregiving becomes a “heart-breaking task” or “a dreaded battle” it may prove too overwhelming to continue to provide in-home care, and residential placement should become a consideration.