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My friend has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. She has been legally blind all her life but has never let that hold her back. Her husband has fairly advanced dementia. Their daughter and granddaughter live with them. Daughter works and granddaughter is a teenager. Do any of you have suggestions as to what I can do? I do not live nearby and am having my own health issues. Thank you in advance.

Send meals so they don't have to cook. You could pay for a month of a delivery service if possible but if that's not in the budget, you could send over pizza or something like that a couple of times a month. Ask what their favorites are in the area and have them delivered. Let them know in advance when you are doing this so they don't waste time or money making dinner.

You could check with local grocery stores to see if they have prepared meals that could be delivered. You could pay for a housecleaning service a few times a month. Research respite in their area for the husband so that he can be put there while she is going through some of her treatments. See if there are services for cancer patients in the area that will help with rides or with recovery options.

You could call the daughter and ask what they think specifically they could use help with. Then you could tailor your help to what is in your budget and can be done from afar. Honestly, finding a way to help finding minders for the husband, talking her into putting him into care because she won't be able to take care of him, finding a way to get food to her so they don't have to cook or cleaning services so they don't have to worry about that are the big ones.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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I would find out favorite foods from her daughter and send her a care package. Since your friend is legally blind I would also find out her favorite scents and send her some candles etc. If she's facing surgery or treatment Chemo can make you abnormally cold etc so send your friend a nice warm blanket or cardigan. You might find your friend a Lung Cancer support group web site/forum etc.

if she's facing chemo you might send her some audiobooks that she can listen to while having chemo.
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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If you can find a way to send a meal once in a while I am sure they would all appreciate that.
If they are using a caregiver agency contact the agency and arrange to pay for a week of care.
If they are not using a caregiving agency see if they would like a "gift card" for a week of caregiving paid for. (does not have to be all in 1 week could be that it is 1 day a week for a month.)
If they do not want or need caregivers how about a cleaning service for a 1 time clean?
Gift cards for Door Dash, or a Ride Share might be helpful.
Simply keeping in touch.
Mail a card
Phone call
anything to let them know you are thinking of them.

If there is any way to encourage her to place her husband for Respite if she is going to have surgery or prolonged treatment. That would allow daughter and granddaughter to help her without worrying about him. And she can focus on her health without worrying about him either.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Since the daughter lives with them, I would assume she is involved in some level of caregiving. If this is the case, I would talk to her privately and have a check-in to assess her level of stress or burnout. I'm hoping your friend's husband is in a facility and they are not attempting to care for him at home. Ask her how you can help and then give some suggestions, like finding local resources, coming in for a visit to give her a break, etc. Checking in with her as well as your friend regularly will go a long way.

Bless you for being there for them and your willingness to help!
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Reply to Geaton777
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It’s never wrong to simply ask how you can be supportive. Since you’re not nearby, see if researching things like home healthcare agencies or specialists or memory care might help, ask about if gift cards for takeout meals or grocery delivery would help, or offer a listening ear when she just needs to talk
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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