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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mom had worked for 70 years. Had a stroke was very independent and now she cannot do anything. She has a 24/7 aide that is costing her a lot of money. She’s relatively down to minimal money now. I don’t know what to do.
Your Mom at this advanced age may not recover further. Your Mom's doctor is the best one to give you and mom as prognosis, but the most recovery is experienced spontaneously in the first week after a stroke, then after first month. Any further gains are hard fought for and that doesn't happen in your 90s.
Your Mom is near the end of her life now. It's important to discuss with her her prognosis, her need for in facility care, her finances, POA, other documents in place, possibility of Palliative care or Hospice if that's what she wants.
I am so sorry. Take comfort in a very good long life of independence she has enjoyed.
My mother lost every physical ability following a devastating stroke. She had extensive therapy but no recovery happened. Know this….the first months after a stroke is when therapy is most effective, regaining skills fades entirely after six months or so. Depression is very common after a stroke and needs evaluation and treatment. When mom runs out of funds she will have to rely on Medicaid to help, that only happens in skilled nursing home. We had zero choice but to use this for my mom. There are good places that accept Medicaid, it takes some looking but they do exist. You cannot fix this for mom. I spent much time trying to figure out how to make it better for my mom, it was heartbreaking. The best I could do was visit her regularly, be relentlessly positive, tell her jokes, and hold her hand. I wish you and mom both peace
Get her assessed for LTC by her doctor. Find a good facility and transition her into LTC before she runs out of money (make sure the facility accepts Medicaid). When she is about 4 months away from running out of money, apply for Medicaid. It is important to not wait to move her into a good facility until it's too late. Some good places have waiting lists for Medicaid recipients who are not residents. The residents get first dibs on the Medicaid beds.
I would recommend meeting with a long term care financial planner with your mother and discussing what she would like to do with her health care aide and see if she is getting all the services they provide. You can get recommendations from your local department of aging and also get recommendations from a social worker as well regarding her case.
Your mom might be grieving the life she has lost. A stroke can take away so much. Mom has lost her independence and knows it won't come back. I would try to just be as caring as possible, accept that she is fading (as hard as that is), say all the things you want to say to her, and let her know it is okay to go.
Cal, this is so sad. And even more sad is the fact that mom is now at the end of her life, and she likely cannot recover from this. She should have palliative care consult and Hospice consult and there should be discussion that she will not appreciably improve, and what now does she want for end-of-life-care. This is horrible, but this comes to us all, and it's important now to go for comfort. The GOOD bed, the GOOD supplemental care. The GOOD drugs. The preservation of all we are in terms of skin integrity, muscle movement strength. It is time to say how can she exit life now with the most DIGNITY and the most COMFORT. It is time to face things truthfully, because quite honestly all involved here KNOW the facts. The sooner they can be brought into the open, the better. And this is a transformative time, a time to be treasured. A time that we were moving to from the second we were born.
Totally agree! I'm soon to be 89, and if I were in mom's position (perish forbid), I would want the best hospice or palliative care available as I, hopefully, make my Final Exit sooner rather than later. For someone who worked 70 years (!) and had been independent all her life, mom's current condition would be difficult to bear. Speaking solely for myself, I would have NO interest in prolonging the process.
Make sure she has designated you or whoever she chooses as financial and health care POA. It is very important to have those things in place. This is urgent if it isn’t already done. You will need a lawyer to assist you.
Medicare will cover in-home PT and OT if that has any benefit. Talk to her doctor about her prognosis. Is it possible for her to partially recover? Will therapy possibly help? Does she need a wheelchair, walker or Hoyer lift to get around? 24/7 care is very expensive but so is a nursing home. You need a knowledgeable, experienced attorney to help you negotiate the Medicaid qualification process in your state. If you can’t afford an attorney, or prefer to wait until you are a little more organized, then do your research. Go on Medicare.gov and research nursing home facilities near you. Go and visit them and note which you like the best. Make sure they take Medicaid if she can’t afford private pay. But, be careful about broadcasting the need for Medicaid. Try to find out if they accept Medicaid patients without telegraphing that you will need it. Sometimes it is easier to get in first as a private pay and then convert to Medicaid just before the $ runs out. Research who are the best medicaid knowledgeable attorneys in your area and make a free meet and greet appointment with a couple of them to assess if they are someone you can work with. Do a good assessment of what her personal financial situation is. She if she will add you to her accounts. Basically educate yourself so you are not exclusively at the mercy of having others tell you what to do.
All of those things above are the business side matters of the mind for you to help her with if you are so inclined. They will take time so start now. As for matters of the heart. Do what you can to comfort and help her. Visit and spend as much quality time as you can. This is hard for both of you. Try to have no regrets. Do what you can - not what you can’t.
My much loved M was 78 when the cancer came back. The oncologist pushed for more chemotherapy etc, which had been difficult the first time around. M chose to die without it, and she did 4 weeks later, much loved with me (asleep) close by her side. Might your M make the same choice? And can you handle it if she does?
Help her apply for Medicaid and get her moved to a skilled nursing facility. If she owns her home, the house will need to be sold, and proceeds used to pay for her care until that money runs out.
Are you legally designed to handle her affairs (POS, financial and health matters)? If you are not, get these needs in place ASAP.
You might need to hire: - an attorney to deal with legal/financial matters that you need to be able to mange; - an ind medical social worker to go over all this with you. - Speak with a Medi-care or Medi-caid representative
Read TEEPA SNOW's Website, watch her You Tubes.
It sounds like your mom might need to be in a nursing home. As she is running out of money, find out what government medical she is entitled to (i.e., low income nursing home) and/or other services.
Most at home care is not covered by gov't medical. You already know that since she's running out of money.
I would strongly recommend that you do all the research now before you find yourself (your mom) in an immediate / medical situation where she has to be moved immediately. Does she own her own home? I would consider if it is reasonable / needed to sell / put on the market for the income.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your Mom's doctor is the best one to give you and mom as prognosis, but the most recovery is experienced spontaneously in the first week after a stroke, then after first month. Any further gains are hard fought for and that doesn't happen in your 90s.
Your Mom is near the end of her life now. It's important to discuss with her her prognosis, her need for in facility care, her finances, POA, other documents in place, possibility of Palliative care or Hospice if that's what she wants.
I am so sorry. Take comfort in a very good long life of independence she has enjoyed.
DIGNITY
and the most COMFORT.
It is time to face things truthfully, because quite honestly all involved here KNOW the facts. The sooner they can be brought into the open, the better. And this is a transformative time, a time to be treasured. A time that we were moving to from the second we were born.
Medicare will cover in-home PT and OT if that has any benefit. Talk to her doctor about her prognosis. Is it possible for her to partially recover? Will therapy possibly help? Does she need a wheelchair, walker or Hoyer lift to get around? 24/7 care is very expensive but so is a nursing home. You need a knowledgeable, experienced attorney to help you negotiate the Medicaid qualification process in your state. If you can’t afford an attorney, or prefer to wait until you are a little more organized, then do your research. Go on Medicare.gov and research nursing home facilities near you. Go and visit them and note which you like the best. Make sure they take Medicaid if she can’t afford private pay. But, be careful about broadcasting the need for Medicaid. Try to find out if they accept Medicaid patients without telegraphing that you will need it. Sometimes it is easier to get in first as a private pay and then convert to Medicaid just before the $ runs out. Research who are the best medicaid knowledgeable attorneys in your area and make a free meet and greet appointment with a couple of them to assess if they are someone you can work with. Do a good assessment of what her personal financial situation is. She if she will add you to her accounts. Basically educate yourself so you are not exclusively at the mercy of having others tell you what to do.
All of those things above are the business side matters of the mind for you to help her with if you are so inclined. They will take time so start now.
As for matters of the heart. Do what you can to comfort and help her. Visit and spend as much quality time as you can. This is hard for both of you. Try to have no regrets. Do what you can - not what you can’t.
You might need to hire:
- an attorney to deal with legal/financial matters that you need to be able to mange;
- an ind medical social worker to go over all this with you.
- Speak with a Medi-care or Medi-caid representative
Read TEEPA SNOW's Website, watch her You Tubes.
It sounds like your mom might need to be in a nursing home.
As she is running out of money, find out what government medical she is entitled to (i.e., low income nursing home) and/or other services.
Most at home care is not covered by gov't medical.
You already know that since she's running out of money.
I would strongly recommend that you do all the research now before you find yourself (your mom) in an immediate / medical situation where she has to be moved immediately. Does she own her own home? I would consider if it is reasonable / needed to sell / put on the market for the income.
Gena / Touch Matters