My 98 year old father refuses to get in the shower - though we remodeled the bathroom to have an walk-in shower with handrails and a seat.We have tried coaxing, reasoning, warming the bathroom to the point when you would want to take off all your clothes, trained caregivers, etc.The only time he gets a shower is once per week when he agrees to go to the pool. But, if the pool is closed or he is too tired to go then we are up to 2 or even 3 weeks without bathing,He has incontinence of urine and sometimes has accidents when he forgets to put on his depends - but still won't bathe.He says it is too much work to change his clothes so he stays in them for a week at a time.HELP.TryingtoStaySane
And you do this twice a week and on the days inbetween, you personally wipe him off with the extra large body wipes and help him put on clean clothes daily.
Your father obviously has some kind of mental decline/dementia going on as not wanting to shower is very common with those suffering from it, so it's time that you take the reigns from here on out and personally take him in the shower, hire a shower aide or have him placed in the appropriate facility where they will make sure he gets showers as needed.
It is very unhealthy for anyone to sit in their urine/poop filled diaper for any length of time, so please make sure your father is being changed and cleaned up as needed.
And since it sounds like you are perhaps at your wits end with this, the best thing you can do is get him placed in a facility where he will receive the 24/7 care he now requires and you can get back to just being his loving child and not his burned out and overwhelmed caregiver.
for private area - we used to leave dad int he room to wipe himself or turn our back - mostly take off his pants and leave incontinence boxer shorts on him for him to wipe down and change. Its a lot easier than a shower.
we use disposable underpants (we also put an incontinence pad inside of those which makes changing easier - pull it out and throw it away (small bin bags and a small peddle bin to put them in. We actually used lined nappy bin which sealed in smells. My dad wasnt keen at first then it became routine. Hurry dad so we can have a nice cup of tea sort of thing.. give an incentive to hurry up.
Dont forget tho a 98 year old can barely move - everything is a chore where it shows visibly or not. you havent said if he gets helpers in? my dd has carers in now 4 times a day - it sounds if you havent got someone you really do need someone. (or rather your fatehr does) i wouldnt hold out for baths or showers tho - it just isnt going to happen or happen often.
i buy clothes 2 sizes up - to make it easier to put on and pull on trousers or jog pants or pyjamas with drawstring.
I am 63 and it's becoming a chore for me.
Having a trained caregiver to help him with showering will help. Once a week is about all you can expect at this point.
In between, you can provide him with large adult wipes, if he is able to clean himself. I change my husband's diaper, and every morning, with the first diaper change, I use a bowl of warm, soapy water and wipes to thoroughly clean his entire groin area, then sit him up and wash his face and upper body with disposable wipes or a soft washcloth, then put on a clean shirt. He doesn't like it, but he is unable to do anything himself. By making it a daily routine helps with the cooperation. This is just what we do every day before he can go out to his recliner in the living room, so it's expected. He even helps to take off his shirt.
At this point, with dementia, you don't ask, or tell him what to do, you just do it.
He needs help. He is not motivated to do this on his own, no matter how you try and explain it to him. A trained caregiver should know how to provide a sponge bath in bed. Make sure you have the supplies: warm, soft towels and washcloths, a wash basin (I use a 1 gallon plastic bowl) disposable wipes, underpads, and use his favorite soap and cologne which will help him to feel comfortable. I use my husband's favorite Irish Spring, and he was a Brut man, so I add a couple drops of Brut cologne in the wash water. It smells familiar to him, even if he fights the whole bathing experience.
Check with the drug stores to see if they have body-wipes (similar to baby-wipes but much larger). I remember using them when I was in the hospital. Easy to use.
See All Answers