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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Regarding it somehow kind of becoming your fault that a responder made assumptions ("because YOU didn't spit out every information possible!", etc), I've experienced this on here and it just sort of comes with the territory of posting in a public forum. I've also received many words of wisdom on here. Wishing you strength.
You have three posts, basically saying the same thing.
You are exhausted!
Mom has dementia.
So, to answer your first comment. Hire an overnight caregiver and get some sleep.
Second question. You said in one of your three posts that you wonder how far the dementia has progressed.
Call Council on Aging in your area for a needs assessment. Take it from there. They will guide you in the right direction.
If you want an accident to happen, then sure, leave mom alone.
I seriously doubt that you would want your mother to be in a vulnerable position. Nor, would you want to be reported to APS, would you?
We have a poster who had a mother in law who was basically neglected her husband and his siblings.
The EMTs told them that they were going to report them to APS for neglect if they saw that the mother was at home alone again.
Sadly, the family had a million excuses why they didn’t hire someone to stay with their mom. It took them forever before they placed her in a facility to receive proper care.
Don’t be as foolish as this family was. Hire someone with your mom’s money to care for her. Or better yet, look into placing her in a facility.
Do you have POA for your mother and is there an actual diagnosis of dementia? If you answer 'yes' to both then you can place her in a care facility regardless if she's willing to go or not.
If you do not have POA and there is no formal diagnosis of dementia (and so often there is neither in these kinds of situations), then yes you should leave for a few days. In fact go for a week or more if needs be.
This is what I had to do because my mother was the same. Believed she was still independent because she didn't have dementia. When her abusive neediness reached the point where I had to go or a tragedy was going to happen I left. I stayed with my ex-husband for a bit. When my mother got tired of living on old peanut butter and stale crackers she modified her behavior towards me a bit for a little while. We could not live together anymore though.
Of course, if your mother has dementia leaving her on her own will not force her to accept that she's not independent anymore because her mind can't process correctly anymore.
The two of you should not be living together. You can stop being her caregiver and not live with her. She can go into care.
You give no info here or on your profile. Does your mother suffer from dementia and have a diagnosis? Are you her POA? If so, you can place her in Memory Care Assisted Living w/o her approval. And no, if she has dementia you should not leave her alone for a few days to prove your point! You can come home and find her dead, God forbid.
Fill in your profile and provide details if you'd like good comments!
If you are not her POA you probably should not be. I would refer her to APS. I would ask for wellness checks on her and make daily phone contact if you leave. I would not attempt to be POA for an uncooperative person who won't even get diagnosed. If your mother will not get help then report to her MD that she seems unsafe and SS has suggested that she is, but she will not accept your help. Also report her to APS and tell them state will have to take guardianship as you cannot.
Roger, there are many out here with no children or friends at all. They are alone. A neighbor usually ends reporting them and the state takes over. Do know that at that point the state is guardian and will make ALL decisions about placement, when where and how, and about finances of hers and all financial matters.
She has dementia. You can't prove anyhting to someone who is losing her reason and logic. All the more if she has short-term memory loss.
If you are her PoA then make a therapeutic fib to get her in to her doctor for a cognitive and memory test so that your authority can legally be active. You don't have to get her buy in on going into a facility or at least paying for some part-time, in-home aids. I used to tell my Aunt that the aids were there to help *me*.
ok this sounds urgent. Roger man, we need more details in order to give you good advice. Sounds like you are staying at moms but now stuggling. We need to know the logistics of stuff including legal stuff, eg is someone legal POA ?
So can staying at home, though, Cover? Right? I mean to me, at 81, it is kind of an option. Dying in your own home, on the floor, unable to get help is one thing. But burning down the house and the one attached next door is another. It just isn't always about a choice. You are thriving in facility and are our eyes on the ground, right? Still kicking. Might be the case if you were home alone? But might not be, right.
If you are POA. Then you start visiting places and make that your decision. Then you ask the marketing person on how it arranged. They should have paperwork for her doctor to sign stating incompetence. Once paperwork is done then she will need a TB test a few days prior. The marketing person should give you ideas on a rouse to get her to the place...usually going to lunch at the place. You will set up assistance to move her bed and some of her favorite possessions into her room. Show her her new room then excuse yourself to make a phone call or something like that. The staff will handle from there. There are other suggestions on scenarios as well
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are exhausted!
Mom has dementia.
So, to answer your first comment. Hire an overnight caregiver and get some sleep.
Second question. You said in one of your three posts that you wonder how far the dementia has progressed.
Call Council on Aging in your area for a needs assessment. Take it from there. They will guide you in the right direction.
If you want an accident to happen, then sure, leave mom alone.
I seriously doubt that you would want your mother to be in a vulnerable position. Nor, would you want to be reported to APS, would you?
We have a poster who had a mother in law who was basically neglected her husband and his siblings.
The EMTs told them that they were going to report them to APS for neglect if they saw that the mother was at home alone again.
Sadly, the family had a million excuses why they didn’t hire someone to stay with their mom. It took them forever before they placed her in a facility to receive proper care.
Don’t be as foolish as this family was. Hire someone with your mom’s money to care for her. Or better yet, look into placing her in a facility.
Wishing you well.
If you do not have POA and there is no formal diagnosis of dementia (and so often there is neither in these kinds of situations), then yes you should leave for a few days. In fact go for a week or more if needs be.
This is what I had to do because my mother was the same. Believed she was still independent because she didn't have dementia. When her abusive neediness reached the point where I had to go or a tragedy was going to happen I left. I stayed with my ex-husband for a bit. When my mother got tired of living on old peanut butter and stale crackers she modified her behavior towards me a bit for a little while. We could not live together anymore though.
Of course, if your mother has dementia leaving her on her own will not force her to accept that she's not independent anymore because her mind can't process correctly anymore.
The two of you should not be living together. You can stop being her caregiver and not live with her.
She can go into care.
Fill in your profile and provide details if you'd like good comments!
He wrote three posts back to back. Yes, his mom has dementia. He sounds completely frazzled.
I would refer her to APS. I would ask for wellness checks on her and make daily phone contact if you leave.
I would not attempt to be POA for an uncooperative person who won't even get diagnosed.
If your mother will not get help then report to her MD that she seems unsafe and SS has suggested that she is, but she will not accept your help.
Also report her to APS and tell them state will have to take guardianship as you cannot.
Roger, there are many out here with no children or friends at all. They are alone. A neighbor usually ends reporting them and the state takes over. Do know that at that point the state is guardian and will make ALL decisions about placement, when where and how, and about finances of hers and all financial matters.
If you are her PoA then make a therapeutic fib to get her in to her doctor for a cognitive and memory test so that your authority can legally be active. You don't have to get her buy in on going into a facility or at least paying for some part-time, in-home aids. I used to tell my Aunt that the aids were there to help *me*.
I mean to me, at 81, it is kind of an option. Dying in your own home, on the floor, unable to get help is one thing. But burning down the house and the one attached next door is another.
It just isn't always about a choice.
You are thriving in facility and are our eyes on the ground, right? Still kicking. Might be the case if you were home alone? But might not be, right.
There are other suggestions on scenarios as well