What is the expectation of the companion care provider and household chores?

I am in the process of hiring a companion for my wife. If the care giver wants to cook, wash clothes, wash dishes, pickup around the house, that is fine as long as it all involves my wife working along side them. My wife needs to get involved in things that will keep her awake during the day so we can both get a nights sleep. The household stuff is currently taken care of by our children. When we move to an apartment, these choirs will be my responsibility with the help of my young bride. Last time she helped me cook, she put a pot on the stove and walked away. Fortunately she did not turn on the burner, but she was helping!

I would encourage you to look into a private caregiver and pay them the rate you pay an agency with chores you need help with included in the contract.

Is mom living with you really the best option for everyone involved? What about senior centers for day activities? AKA adult daycare, which I find so degrading to our elders, so don't use that term when telling her she is going to the senior center, if you go that route. She needs to get tired out during the day to sleep at night, running a household and 3 businesses with no sleep is not sustainable and will burn you out.

Good luck finding the perfect fit for your moms and your needs.

As an employee for Mom, she’s not a household maid.

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate those who did not automatically assume that I was asking for maid services and gave some guidance.
We use an agency, and I expect the companion to care for my mom. Before we moved her to our home, it was easy to differentiate. She lived alone, so they helped her empty the trash, do the dishes, etc... The confusion has come from the different companions who have come to our home. I do not ask them to do any light housekeeping; however, some have just done it. Some have come in and said their job is to lighten the burden for my mother and me. Others sit on their phones next to my mom, waiting for her to ask them for something.
I have created a care plan that is printed out so each companion knows what the expectation is for their shift. All are centered around my mother.
Anything above that is their choice.

My mother had a succession of companions, then CNAs for round-the-clock care. The companions didn't live in, were there for 6 hours a day 5 days a week, and maybe on call if a crisis happened, like a fall. Companions didn't toilet, cook heavy meals, change sheets, vacuum, or any other major housecleaning. They helped her dress and do makeup, took her out in the car, took her to lunch, meals, movies, hair salon and shopping. Played games and worked puzzles with her. They might do a load of laundry, wipe kitchen counter. They made doctor and other appointments and accompanied her to them. The deal was that they were there to help mom, not to clean or take care of others in the family.

Later when Mom got sicker, CNAs with medical knowledge were necessary. They did minor housecleaning and didn't mind preparing meals for Mom.

When I first started as CNA in 1986, it was much different. We actually worked under this title even if we worked in homes. We had care plans and if a client needed care that is what was done. We accompanied clients to appointments, picked up medications as needed along with the rest of the duties on the care plan. Fast forward to now and some clients use their aides for free maid service and don't even require personal care. I did a meet and greet once for one client and found him working in his yard! Funny thing, he didn't live at the address the agency had on file, and was actually staying at his son's mother's house helping her out.

This is the type of treatment of HHA services that needs to stop.

Create a care plan that will be fair to the aide if you are hiring a caregiver. Don't tack in additional household chores for yourself and family members. The aide is there for you mother's care. Make sure that you are withholding the proper taxes. If not, you must give them a 1099 form.

If you need additional cleaning services, hire a maid service for needed chores. Don't try to pile all of this on one aide because you will burn them out.

As you already have care providers, it is up to you to decide what they do. Talk to them once you decide. It isn't up to them unless they are specifically there as a caregiver for your mom. Then, their responsibility is to provide care to your mother, not the family.

HIRING THROUGH CAREGIVER AGENCY:

- Ask them what services their caregivers provide. Get in writing.
(Ask about experience)

- If you hire directly, you can create a 'work plan' as you wish.
- Be sure caregiver has the elder care experience you need; ask for reference. As a care provider myself vetted through a multi-level community, and working directly with residents (=residents paid me), I had to provide:
* work history
* references
* copy of DI
* TB test (yearly)
* copy of car insurance
* Criminal check (fingerprinting @ cost to me)

How to proceed:

- Create a list of chores. (I'd create a table on computer with columns:
Chore, Day/Wk, Time, Duties

- If time sensitive, list time (and day) of specific chore, i.e., laundry (Tuesdays)

- Once you decide on who you want to hire, create a written contract so everyone is on the same page. (You could give them a copy of your "chore table."

- I would check the first week or two and see how things are going. Ask the caregiver how its going), go over the list. Tweak as necessary.

Payment is up to you. There is an unwritten county/ regional/ state acceptable range. You can ask a person what they want and negotiate from there. Hiring directly are 'at will' ind contractors.

* If you want to hire as an employee, you will need to pay taxes. I do not see any benefit to you to hire an employee/pay their taxes, unless it is a write-off.
* Consider that you are not paying workers' compensation. If they fall / injure themselves on the job, you will need to figure out how to handle.
- If you hire through an agency, workers comp is covered.

SELF CARE________________________
You have three businesses and not sleeping during the night?
How do you expect to keep going? and for how long can you manage this routine?

The first responsibility you have is to yourself and self-care.
Otherwise, your health / well being will suffer, as well as others depending on you.
* It sounds to me like you need someone there at nights to care for your mom.
- Depending on finances, you might need to consider placing your mom in a care facility.

* If you do not take care of yourself, you will 'fall apart' - no one can run on empty. Ask yourself:

Why am I not taking care of myself?
Do I matter and if I do, how much do I matter?
What is the quality of my life and health and well being? If this acceptable to me, now? Moving forward?

* Get in therapy of you are overwhelmed.

I wonder when you are getting a needed 'full night's sleep' - if ever?
How is this effecting your day-to-day functioning? I can't imagine anyone being "ON" throughout the night and then functioning well during the days, let alone running three businesses.

You need to be healthy and functioning - you have the responsibilities of yourself, your mother / her welfare/care, and businesses.

Gena / Touch Matters

We hired privately, not through an agency. Our caregivers would make make eggs and toast for breakfast or a sandwich for lunch. My mother actually gave one caregiver cooking lessons so she learned how to make homemade chicken soup and mashed potatoes among other things the way my parents liked them. Caregivers needed to load/unload the dishwasher.

My parents had laundry service and someone had to bring the laundry downstairs once a week so it could be picked up by the service . When the clean clothes came back, they put them away. The morning caregiver would make the bed.

My father had a device that was supposed to help with the swelling in his legs that needed to be used for a half hour each day. We showed the caregiver ;how to do that. It was easy to do once someone was trained. That was a huge help.

My parents had a cleaning lady to come in to do the housework twice a month, so there was no house cleaning per se. They had to make sure the table was cleared and straighten up a bit as needed and take the trash to the curb the night before it was to be picked up by sanitation.

They also did personal care, helped my parents to the bathroom and helped my. mother with her showers.

My parents were well into their 90s and they were taking care of two. We were so lucky to have these wonderful women helping us. I still keep in touch with one of them, she's become a good friend and I make sure I see her every time I'm back in NYC.

Home Health Aides.... they do LIGHT HOUSEKEEPING. What is light housekeeping? I have been a HHA for over 30 years so.... been trying to figure out the best way to explain what Light Housekeeping is. Hummm....

How about this? Light Housekeeping is, doing whatever is necessary to do what is on the care plan. We clean up after ourselves after doing what is on the Care Plan. We mess it up, we must clean it up afterward. We do NOT come in and clean up a filthy house. THAT is for a hired, very well paid housekeeper/cleaner. They get paid a ton more money to do that compared to us.

We are NOT there to clean up the shower, etc. in order to be able to bathe our patient. We ARE to clean up the shower, whatever, AFTER we get done taking care of our patient. We launder only the stuff that we used to take care of our patient and THEIR clothes, linens. Not the rest of the family. I cook for my patient and of course, while fixing for them, I fix for the spouse. I clean it up afterwards, wash the dishes. I am not expected to prepare for everyone else and do all the dishes. I have also had this happen.... family uses the kitchen AFTER I clean it up and they leave it. They do NOT clean it so expect me to clean it after them? I did not. I was with my patient doing other things.. companion, too. I had one family wanting me to strip all 4 beds. 3 for college age kids, and what would end up being 4 loads of laundry every day. I was also expected to go get lunch for patient, mother... and 3 more people. I would come back from getting the food, and have to make 2-3 trips from my car to their house to bring in the food. The kids were NEVER asked to assist me. Neither did the hubby. I was expected to make cupcakes for the 13 year old daughter's school function. Her mom had told her to help me but she refused, hid in her bedroom while I did it. I do NOT do that anymore. No. We are there for the patient(s). NOT The whole family. We are getting paid to take care of 1-2 people. Their son's best friend bashed into my car one day, left so I had to figure out who crashed into my car. Driver's side door bashed in, glass all over in my car. And then, they refused to fix my car. But they finally did when they realized I was NOT going to back off from this and allow them to get away with this. Kid was 16. I had been getting phone calls from their lawyer. It was awful. Just trying to take care of people. Such disrespect.

Again, companion is just THAT. A companion to keep them company. They do NOT do all these chores and they especially do NOT take care in any way, other family members or any one else.

I now know after being a certified home health Aide AND nurse, LPN, what people will do when given the chance. They will take advantage of us 99 % of the time. They try and try they do. I am sad to say... women are the worst at this. Why? I think because of this: The scenario I have seen too many times is this one --- husband is a Veteran and the VA is paying for his care. In other words, The VA is paying ME to come in wherever HE is. There is ALWAYS what is called a Care Plan. I read this 99% of the time on their care plans: assist with shower, make meals, dress them, laundry including linens. Make Bed, medication reminders. Assist patient/client with ambulation. ( I prefer to call my patients my clients). Light housekeeping. Let me repeat that last one... LIGHT HOUSEKEEPING. We are NOT housekeepers. You would not, I HOPE anyway, expect a housekeeper to come in, bathe your husband! But, I know what is going to happen when I arrive when there is a wife. She will tell me to clean the house. THE WHOLE HOUSE. Start with the dusting, vacuum all the carpet, sweep and mop the floors, clean all bathrooms (this includes the ones that the client never uses) She will expect us to do her laundry, if there are children, do theirs, visitors. or someone coming to spend the night, to fix up the bedrooms for them and get them ready for visitors. When the VA is paying, the nurse, RN, comes to the house and someone has told the nurse that the client, the veteran, needs all this personal care but what I am saying here is this... the wife refuses it normally NOT by actually verbalizing that but by her actions. She demands that we leave the husband alone. The wife will end up saying nothing at all about the husband but only brings up telling me to "clean the house". I end up reading to her/them what the care plan says that I am to do. Again, she or he or both, tell me that they do not need all that but insist I clean the house. No one, when I have read the care plan to them and explained to them what I am to do, they act ignorant. "We do not know why they put that stuff down". One woman....she kept asking me to mow their 1 acre. And... pull the weeds. It was during the middle of summer... in the 100's. She had told me my first day there..."You are to do what my husband used to do but can no longer do." (Does this mean change the oil in the car, too?) I did NOT say that to her. I kept my mouth shut and was not allowed to do personal care for her husband. I was stupid at the time. She had told me that she was a devout church goer, Baptist woman. I had to report what she was asking me to do. My office called her. I got a call back from my office AFTER they had talked to her about this. They told me she denied it all. IOW... I had lied about all of it, I guess. She was committing fraud. To lie about the caregiver... we can lose our license to work. This is our livelihood. Good Baptist woman. Never saw her again. Families deny knowing anything about Care Plan.
Caregivers are abused. They are. Caregivers are treated with such disrespect. I have showed up after working as CHHA, now I am their nurse. They have seen me and mistakenly thought I was there at that time as their CHHA. I tell them I am their nurse. You know what I experience when this happens? So sad to say, they treat me differently than when I am their CHHA. They are now treating me differently.... with respect... not talking to me, treating me like they did when I was their caregiver. But... I have met some of the most wonderful people doing this work. I thank God for them. Please... do NOT be like this woman. There are some horrible people out there but please, do NOT be one of them. All I hear about are the abusive caregivers and I have met them. Yes. But... there are some great caregivers and families out

My understanding is that the companion care aide is not there to do household chores. If they are a Home Health Aide or Attendant Care, they may prepare food for the client (patient), and tidy up for that individual as needed.

If you need help with household cleaning and cooking, you should hire a housecleaner and someone who can cook meals for you, or at least prep meals for you to heat up. Or hire a live-in maid, like Alice on the Brady Bunch! ;)
Boy, wouldn't that be great to have?!

People, of course, are all different. Some like doing household chores, and are more than willing to jump in to complete tasks, even if it isn't in their scope of work. But, your mother's companion care aide should not really be doing your laundry and making you dinner.

What does the careplan say? The homecare agency you signed with would have given you a welcome folder with a careplan that outlines what the caregiver's duties are.

A homemaker/companion does light housekeeping only in areas the client uses. They do the client's laundry, will fix them a meal (nothing fancy), they provide companionship, and they take them to appointments or on social outings. No hands-on care and no giving meds.

A CNA (Certified Nurse's Assistant) does personal care (showering, washing up, toileting, diaper changing, dressing, feeding, etc...). A CNA does not clean the house, run errands, or provide companionship. One will prepare a small meal for the client usually. Sometimes a CNA gives meds if they have special certification to do so.

If you've hired a private caregiver, it is up to you to design your own careplan and to state what services you're looking for.

A companion is not a person that does household chores. You want somebody to do household chores? And to actually do personal care for your mother or father or whoever? That is a caregiver.

You want somebody to not only take care of your mother but the rest of the family you need to pay them to do all of that.

When you go through an agency, that caregiver is assigned a patient, And sometimes they are assigned a husband and wife. They are responsible for that patient and that patient only. In other words, The care that they give is to be towards whoever they are assigned to! They don't get paid ten dollars an hour to take care of a whole family of several people. They are not being paid ten dollars an hour to do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry for the whole family, cleaning up after the whole family including the children. Let me ask you a question... Would you want that done to you? Would you do that yourself for 10 bucks per hour?? Caregivers are being taken advantage of constantly. I have done this for more than thirty years and it is a constant problem. They want us to come in there and clean up the whole, sometimes it is a dirty, filthy house. And the house is full of stuff everywhere and they expect US to clean it up.

Now, you pay them fifty bucks an hour, that is different but not ten or twenty or thirty. But family members and friends take advantage of this constantly.

I play trumpet, frenchhorn and piano. Veterans are supposed to have taps played at their funerals and I have done this. I have also been asked by families to play the piano at their loved ones funerals and I've done this several times. I offer my services for these and they can choose to use them for free. . This has been a joy and a privilege to do this.

I have also done things that we are not supposed to be doing such as... Shampooing the carpet. Cutting the patient's hair. That's what I do for a patient that I have right now. I don't get paid for this.

I can tell you that a companion does NOT do household chores. They are there strictly, only to keep the patient company. They play games with them. Companions can take them around in the car but no household chores. They may heat up something for the patient but they don't cook. They make sure that they got something to drink. They spend time talking to them, looking through photo albums, etc. So of course, you can expect to pay them less than someone who does chores in the home or facility.

Here in Oklahoma the average cost per hour when you go with an agency from what I have been told by families, is $25 except, when it's a VA client this is different. Many people don't know that veterans can get free home healthcare! And, this is paid for by the Veterans Administration! The problem with that is, it's only a few hours a week. Maybe 11 hrs. per week but usually less. But it's better than nothing!!!

Please, I ask you. Do not hire a companion sitter and expect them to do the work of a caregiver and therefore they are getting paid maybe ten dollars an hour. That is what the agencies pay them. We don't get raises. If we got raises, that means your cost goes up and you don't like that. I have been doing this for over thirty years and I am seventy two.

I hired privately (craigslist. Gig) a companion/assistant with the specific duties written out. Get to know mom, meals, hydration, walks, showers, fix hair, lotions, change bedding, laundry for mom-mom likes to help, keep inventory of needed meds, disposables, personal items for me to purchase; if mom can go out, take her shopping, for an ice cream, etc. I included a list of the items that mom likes (soft boiled eggs, raisin toast with butter, mostly vegetarian diet). I asked the applicants to write out how their background lines up with the job duties. Of the 29 applicants, only 4 were in the top and they were wonderful. Many applicant did not answer my question and just wrote “I can do it”. Lol. I got a copy of the drivers license for the person we hired and added her to the car insurance since she was taking mom out. We found that introducing the person as my friend helped my mom. She had a tendency to complain if it was a stranger to all of us. She was less suspicious when she thought we knew the person with her. We also found it takes a very patient and mature experienced person to do this job. We had some wonderful people who found they could not handle the mundane routine and then we got a wonderful person who loves mom and is consistently wonderful. I just recently changed the days to 4 days a week 11-5:30 and I have another lady (the 2 women know each other) who works 4 days as well-she wanted more hours so I have her working 9-5:30. The overlap day is Sunday with one working morning 8:30-12:30 and the other working 12:30-5:30. My mom has the consistency/routine that is important in cognitive decline. My mom and MIL are in different situations and we still have private caregivers. One is in MC and the other is living at home. MC is a very lonely place since the only people who can provide companionship are the staff and there are very few of them. Quality of life for both moms

I am glad the question was posed, merely for the fact that I am a corporate professional and not a caregiver and have had neighbors “decide” that I will be, for no pay and with there being nothing more than likely, “Get in here and get started on your duties!” Although that’s not come to fruition, you can probably see what I’m getting at. That, one has to understand that there are customers out there, whether it’s the person they’re caring for and/or the family of the person needing care, that may feel this is an opportunity to simply obtain a free slave. Caregivers are probably routinely taken advantage of, because they’ve managed to may not be business heads or work through agencies and because they’ve managed to be seen or have internalized, that they are beneath whom they are servicing, when they’ve been sussed are part and parcel of making things function and run smoothly, as best as can be done. It needs to be an agreed upon, legal contract. It shouldn’t be a way, to dodge labor laws. It shouldn’t be a way to have someone in your life, for the express purpose of disrespecting them, to boost your ego.

Good Morning,

This is tricky...no one wants to be taken advantage of. Usually, a companion is just that; company for the elderly. You can hire services to clean, meals, CNA, etc. Find out what health insurance offers.

If you are hiring independently, sit down and have a discussion and write up something; especially if your mother likes the person. These things can get out of hand where the caregiver may not return.

I know you're tired but the Church ladies and friends visiting Mom is different than wash the floor, empty the basket and clean the toilet. I would hire a housekeeper once a week. You can cross train for these back-breaking jobs. They don't pay. The private company owners make all the $$$ while the person in the trenches gets the lowest wage.

It depends on what they allow or you can get away with but people know down deep if they are being taken advantage of. If your mother was in an Assisted Living, everything is a la carte and each private company has their own contract.

Laundry for one is different than "laundry for all of us". Again, cooking for "all of us". Your mother's level of care seems demanding so I would just stick with the focus on your mother.

Hire a companion and a Housekeeper

If you are hiring through an agency , my guess is that they will most likely only do what the agency directs them to do .

If you are hiring privately , you need to let them know what you want as well as ask what they are willing to do and find the right fit for your Mom and your family . If the companion is doing your laundry , your dinner, or other things for the family the companion should expect more money .

In general some companions are just that , a companion to entertain . The duties you describe are more of a home health aide , which as described below by Joann would take care of all the needs of your mother .
Anything done for you is above pay grade unless you pay extra .

I’m a retired nurse , got bored during Covid . I work as a nanny part time since 2020. Nannies have the same issue . Some families expect a lot without wanting to pay the extra money . I take care of the children’s needs . Bathing , meals, laundry, clean up after the children . I do not make dinner for the parents nor do the parents laundry . I’m not the family housekeeper/ chef . If a family wants that , it’s not a good fit for me and they need to hire someone willing to do that . You need to have the same conversation with who you interview to find a good fit for you . And be willing to pay extra money for asking them to do things for you .

Because I am a neat freak , I do straighten up the living areas , put things away , and leave the kitchen cleaner than I find it , but that’s just me . I do not enter the parents’ master bedroom/bath area . It is noticed and appreciated by the parents .

I had a friend who had a companion that ONLY kept her company or read to her.
As a business person you already know that clear-cut information, before making an agreement, is the second step (after vetting).
On the other hand, I've known 2 baby-sitters that cleaned and straightened, only because they were wired that way, without being told or with any expectation.
I'm wired that way. I can't stand mess.
Communication, (except with a lawyer:), is free.

Is the aid through an agency? If so, ask the agency manager what the parameters are for a companion aid. If you hired this person privately, they you should sit down together and write up an employment contract that outlines expected hours, wage, time off, duties. FYI in many states a privately hired aid is considered an actual employee and therefore you must comply with everything that other employers do: paychecks that include withholding, quarterly reporting, submitting W2, etc. You will need to research what your home state's rules are.

You say "I have a companion coming". When you chose to hire a "companion" what were you expectations of this person? What discussions did you have with this person as regards your expectations.

Sometimes "companions" and "sitters" are responsible for nothing other than setting up lunch, taking person to appointments and to other places, and staying with them to be certain they are safe. They may more appropriately be called "sitters". As in they will keep the elder occupied and satisfied, much as a baby sitter would with young children.

It is CRUCIAL that you speak up when you hire someone and describe both your elder, her needs, and your expectations.

A campanion is different than a Home Health Aide. A HHA is there for the client only. Fix meals and do the clean up. Clean the bedroom, bath and area where Mom spends her time. Changes sheets and launders them. Washes Moms laundry. Takes care of all Moms needs. Why are you doing anything for Mom during the day if there is an aide?

No, they don't do anything for you. If you had aides that did you are lucky. If Mom needs this much care, maybe its time to place her.