My grandpa convinced the weekend nurse at the facility where he lives that he needed to go to the hospital claiming he was not able to eat or drink due to jaw pain (He has a history of Trijeminal Neuralgia and also has an aneurysm sitting right on the jaw) When he got to the hospital he told them he was just saying that to get out and is now refusing to go back. The ER doctor told me that he had a little bacteria in his urine so they were going to send him back with abx but then I found out he was admitted. The nurse literally told me today that the VA is very lenient on admitting people who refuse to go back to the facility. Now there is a case worker and a social worker involved. He is back to telling people that I stole his house and his car (not true but his go to fib for attention) so I am sitting here petrified that I am going to have to go through another investigation.
How common is it for a hospital to NOT send a dementia patient back to the facility just because they dont want to go? I am VERY surprised about this as it is very evident that he has dementia. Could they possibly NOT send him back and require that I bring him home? I am terrified as he has wrecked havoc in the lives of me and my family for the last few years.
I'm not sure why you're petrified about an investigation as to how or why you are living in his house, and not him. It sounds like you have put yourself in this position.
If your grandpa has been diagnosed with any dementia and has previously assigned you as his POA, then you have the power to manage what happens to his property and have him placed in an assisted living or memory care home.
If not, then it sounds like you have taken over his home and don't want him living there. Did he sell the house to you? Sign a quit claim deed? If he has not transferred it to you legally, then there probably should be an investigation.
If it's his house, he has every right to live there.
He will need to see neurologist for a Dementia diagnosis.
at MC. This is a nightmare scenario for a lot of people so please let us know what happens.
However, based on what you've written in the past and your reply to the first comment here, the house could be a potential issue. Since both you and he are on the deed, I suggest you sell the house and use your share toward a new one for yourself and your family, while putting your grandfather's in an account to be used to pay for his care. Definitely see a lawyer about how to do this properly and how to split the money from the equity, plus any tax effects. (It may not be as simple as splitting 50/50.) Likewise, sell his car and put the money into his account.
After all of the stress your family has been through living with him there, it would be a good fresh start for you. More importantly, it eliminates the ability for him to claim he needs to go to his home when there is no home anymore. And it removes the appearance that you are taking advantage of him by living in "his" house while not letting him stay there.
I know you did this all with the best intentions and have worked hard at caregiving but you need to protect yourself from the appearance of impropriety. Whenever he passes away, you may have some of the estranged relatives reappearing with the hope of an inheritance, and they could raise questions also. Now it may be that none of this will happen and none of it is a problem, but I suggest doing a one-hour consultation with an Elder Law attorney to sort this out to prevent any problems going forward.