Hi. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or experience with the burden of caregiving becoming something that takes over your life, and how to move past that to continue to have an adult future.
Because of my mom’s needs, my brother (29) has been taking care of her for the past 3 years. He doesn’t have a job, and lives with her. My sister (27) also now lives with my mom, after returning from out of state, and has no job either. I’m also 27, and the only one employed and not living with my mom.
With the amount of care my mom needs, I don’t think both of them could work full time. But how do they decide who does what, and what will having to care for her mean for the other sibling? Already my brother has struggled to get work because of the gap in his resume in the time he’s been taking care of my mother.
How are we supposed to get her the care she needs without ruining our own futures? Especially when none of us can afford to hire someone to care for her, and none of us have the stability or life experience to really know what we are doing?
That scenario is my worst nightmare. Please don’t do it. Of course I hope he will call me and visit when he can, and if my husband is incapacitated, my son is second in line to make medical decisions on my behalf. But NO caretaking chores for my son. Ever.
I’m very sorry that she and all of you are going through this, especially so young.
Your brother and sister need to stop being co-dependent with mom, and get a job!
It does not fall on you to hire in-home care! That is something your mother's money pays for! If she can not afford it, then you direct her to apply for Medicaid, which will help to pay for long term care. Then, she needs to be placed in a suitable care facility which can manage her needs! If she owns her home, YOU, BROTHER, or SISTER Do not have the right to take over and live in her house rent free. Her home is an asset which must be sold to pay for her care.
For every year that they are not working, they are not adding earnings to their social security for future. Your brother and sister are making excuses to not be more responsible for themselves. Get mom placed in a care facility and force them to figure out their own lives.
The advice that you should see a lawyer (and probably a counselor) is spot-on. You are right: "none of us have the stability or life experience to really know what we are doing". However you should work first on your own head, because your own life is at stake.
You can rock this boat by getting a job in another city and refusing to subsidise what is going on. You are not responsible for any of the choices that have been made, and you certainly should put your own life first.
You can choose to get mom on disability and on Medicaid