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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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While you might not be hauled off to jail, there is still a world of trouble that can happen when leaving someone of diminished mental capacity alone.
Some examples: -- They could answer the door to a stranger who robs your house. -- They could wander off, getting lost for hours, possibly getting injured or killed. -- They could try to cook something and end up setting the house on fire. -- They could electrocute themselves using an appliance improperly. -- They could poison themselves eating or drinking household items that are poison. The list goes on. You don't want to end up on the evening news for something like this.
It is far easier and cheaper to hire a sitter for times you need to be out of the house. Also look into adult day programs in your community.
If you have any friends or family who've been telling you "Let me know if I can help", ask them to sit with your wife for an agreed upon amount of time so you can get out of the house.
depending how far her dementia is. Obviously it’s a concern to you so I would just reach out to a sitter that can sit with her while you run your errand even if it’s 30 minutes or an hour. I hope my answer helps you.
A baby monitor is supposed to be used when you are readily available to supervise, and assist as needed. You need to be very nearby. I don't think they are supposed provide security if you are out of the house, except maybe while you are getting the mail, or briefly chatting with a neighbor in the driveway. Maybe a quick potty break for the dog. Would you leave a baby alone with a monitor while shopping?
All great advice on this topic today! I agree, it may work out ok, but it is simply NOT a good idea to leave anyone with dementia alone. Very bad things could happen, it is “Murphy’s Law!” Just a quick hiring of someone who has been vetted from Care.com would be worth the few dollars it would cost. You may want to use the person on a regular basis to get ou a little bit. Best of luck to you!
I do not believe anyone can be expected to "never leave their LO alone". I am going against the popular opinion posted here, but logically there are times you will have to leave the house and be unable to take her with you.
I know someone whose mother lived with her, and she did indeed leave throughout the day for errands or other appointments. She had security cameras inside her house that she would monitor on her phone. She even had audio capability so she could speak to her mother over a speaker.
The baby monitor is good, but I have no idea how long that range is. The only other thing I can think of would perhaps be something such as security cameras inside as well as outside that will monitor motion and give you an alert if a door opens while you are away.
I would certainly 'hope' that nobody would get in trouble with any authority if they had at least put reasonable measures in place to ensure a loved one's safety for an hour or two on occasion. Even if you had a paid caregiver, it is possible the caregiver could fall asleep or not be paying attention or just fail to show up when scheduled and still leave you with gaps of time where she would be alone. That is just reality.
It is neglect. Is it responsible to "sometimes" leave a young child alone? Is it ok if they have a tracker so you will know if they walk into the street when you are at the grocery store or gas station? I don't see the difference. The idea of security cameras to alert you if they get out or get into trouble inside is absurd. Tell me specifically what you would do if this alarm goes off and you are at the store, or naked at your doctor appointment! I guess you could call the police, but then you would have to explain why a vulnerable person was left alone in the first place. If they are not vulnerable, why do you have a monitor to keep an eye on them when you are gone? The police will ask you this.
If you want to keep your loved one at home, then you need to invest the money to have respite caregivers whenEVER you are away from the house. Monitoring from afar doesn’t help in case of real emergencies like fire or wandering. Why take a chance when this person is the most valuable possession of your life?
My father often left my mother alone. While she didn't have dementia, she did have a stroke, was unable to communicate, and insisted on walking around the house (inside and outside) without her walker. My sister and I worried that she would go outside and fall into the canal behind their house. We finally convinced him to get some outside help (which mom hated, but it had to be done). If you have offspring, I know they would want you to have a companion at your home for their mother when you need to go out.
You can hire someone from Care.com; if they live or work nearby they may be willing to take a shorter shift than the four hours or more that agencies usually require. Or group your errands, appointments, etc. together and take a half-day or longer once a week.
I would not use NextDoor.com, as is sometimes suggested, for this because publicly advertising that your wife has dementia and sleeps all day could make you and her a target for a burglary or worse.
Don't Be tempted to do this. In an hour she can turn on the burners to the stove and leave them on.. She could fall, go out the front door and get lost. It would be like leaving a toddler alone in the house. You've got really good suggestions coming here from everyone... You deserve some time to yourself hire a caregiver.
Just hire a caregiver to stay with your wife for 4 hours a couple days a week so you can go out in peace. What if you hear her get up on the baby monitor and yell for you while you're out? It's not like you can transport yourself back home in 2 seconds flat.
You deserve some free time too, don't you? Maybe go get a beer with a buddy, caregiving is exhausting work.
Technically you should not leave her alone. the one time that you leave her if there is an emergency what would she do? the one time you leave her alone and she decides to go get the mail...and gets lost. the one time you leave her alone she decides to run the dishwasher...and puts liquid soap in... the one time you decide to leave her alone and you get into an accident......
I could go on and on but you get the point. Now I am willing to bet that everyone that is or has been a caregiver has left their LO alone at some point and nothing happened. It is always the What If's that get ya.
Now for some ideas. Is she eligible for Hospice? If so you could request a Volunteer 1 time a week and one could come 3 to 4 hours and you can get out for a bit. They can do no "hands on" care. You could hire a caregiver for a few days a week, a few hours each of those days. You could check with your local Senior Service Center and see if they have any programs that might help you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Some examples:
-- They could answer the door to a stranger who robs your house.
-- They could wander off, getting lost for hours, possibly getting injured or killed.
-- They could try to cook something and end up setting the house on fire.
-- They could electrocute themselves using an appliance improperly.
-- They could poison themselves eating or drinking household items that are poison.
The list goes on. You don't want to end up on the evening news for something like this.
It is far easier and cheaper to hire a sitter for times you need to be out of the house. Also look into adult day programs in your community.
If you have any friends or family who've been telling you "Let me know if I can help", ask them to sit with your wife for an agreed upon amount of time so you can get out of the house.
I hope my answer helps you.
Then you’ll know how to proceed
NOT a good idea to leave anyone with dementia alone. Very bad things could happen, it is “Murphy’s Law!” Just a quick hiring of someone who has been vetted from Care.com would be worth the few dollars it would cost. You may want to use the person on a regular basis to get ou a little bit. Best of luck to you!
🙏❤️🍀
I know someone whose mother lived with her, and she did indeed leave throughout the day for errands or other appointments. She had security cameras inside her house that she would monitor on her phone. She even had audio capability so she could speak to her mother over a speaker.
The baby monitor is good, but I have no idea how long that range is. The only other thing I can think of would perhaps be something such as security cameras inside as well as outside that will monitor motion and give you an alert if a door opens while you are away.
I would certainly 'hope' that nobody would get in trouble with any authority if they had at least put reasonable measures in place to ensure a loved one's safety for an hour or two on occasion. Even if you had a paid caregiver, it is possible the caregiver could fall asleep or not be paying attention or just fail to show up when scheduled and still leave you with gaps of time where she would be alone. That is just reality.
The idea of security cameras to alert you if they get out or get into trouble inside is absurd. Tell me specifically what you would do if this alarm goes off and you are at the store, or naked at your doctor appointment! I guess you could call the police, but then you would have to explain why a vulnerable person was left alone in the first place. If they are not vulnerable, why do you have a monitor to keep an eye on them when you are gone? The police will ask you this.
II did my shopping when stores opened at 8AM
Best time to do anything for yourself is when she is sleeping
No one with dementia should be left alone.
I would not use NextDoor.com, as is sometimes suggested, for this because publicly advertising that your wife has dementia and sleeps all day could make you and her a target for a burglary or worse.
You deserve some free time too, don't you? Maybe go get a beer with a buddy, caregiving is exhausting work.
Good luck to you.
the one time that you leave her if there is an emergency what would she do?
the one time you leave her alone and she decides to go get the mail...and gets lost.
the one time you leave her alone she decides to run the dishwasher...and puts liquid soap in...
the one time you decide to leave her alone and you get into an accident......
I could go on and on but you get the point.
Now I am willing to bet that everyone that is or has been a caregiver has left their LO alone at some point and nothing happened.
It is always the What If's that get ya.
Now for some ideas.
Is she eligible for Hospice? If so you could request a Volunteer 1 time a week and one could come 3 to 4 hours and you can get out for a bit. They can do no "hands on" care.
You could hire a caregiver for a few days a week, a few hours each of those days.
You could check with your local Senior Service Center and see if they have any programs that might help you.