My husband seems to be gradually worsening in being able to go down stairs, getting up from bed, I now have to position him with all exercises, he does not remember how to take any instructions as he has been working out his whole life. Incontinence is needing more management, Dressing himself is not possible without help.
Your husband would no longer qualify for assisted living unless you were to move in there with him, so memory care would be the best option if you're no longer able to care for him properly at home.
And if you do plan on keeping him home, please set up his bed downstairs so he doesn't have to go up and down stairs anymore as you're just asking for trouble if you continue to let him use the stairs as that's a major accident just waiting to happen.
Please make sure you have all your legal ducks in a row. Are you his PoA? Do you have one yourself? I would make sure you consult with an elder law attorney or Medicaid Planner for your state so that you aren't blindsided by the cost of care and how it will and won't impact you individually.
I think from what you have described his care is beyond what AL would or could do. So in that respect MC would be the better option.
One of the reasons that I do not feel AL is appropriate for dementia patients is it is to easy for them to wander out and get "lost" . But from what you have said I doubt that your husband would be able to wander off.
From what you have described here, it sounds as if he will need more skilled nursing and hands-on care than is typically provided with Assisted Living.
And, he will become more dependent over time. Try to find a care facility which offers different levels of care, so that he can easily be transitioned when the time comes.
Is he going up and down stairs daily?! With difficulty? That is incredibly dangerous! Please, try to keep him on the main floor - set up a bed for him, and a commode chair if there is not a first floor bathroom. A fall down the stairs will be disastrous!