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My husband seems to be gradually worsening in being able to go down stairs, getting up from bed, I now have to position him with all exercises, he does not remember how to take any instructions as he has been working out his whole life. Incontinence is needing more management, Dressing himself is not possible without help.

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Remember that vascular dementia is the most aggressive of all of the dementias, with a life expectancy of just 5 years, so you will notice decline more rapidly.
Your husband would no longer qualify for assisted living unless you were to move in there with him, so memory care would be the best option if you're no longer able to care for him properly at home.
And if you do plan on keeping him home, please set up his bed downstairs so he doesn't have to go up and down stairs anymore as you're just asking for trouble if you continue to let him use the stairs as that's a major accident just waiting to happen.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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. There are care criteria set up by the state. You don't have to decide yourself. The designation of levels of patient care has set requirements of care needed and facilities are licensed by the state for the particular amount of care needed. This depends on the current diagnosis and medical history. It doesn't sound like a decision needs to be made between AL vs. MC but between SNF vs. MC. AL would probably not take him at this point. I am sorry this is happening to you and your husband.
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Reply to Sandra2424
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You decide when you are feeling overwhelmed or burned out. He is not a candidate for AL, and maybe not even MC because he cannot do physical things himself. Maybe SNF or LTC. Only consider ones that accept Medicaid.

Please make sure you have all your legal ducks in a row. Are you his PoA? Do you have one yourself? I would make sure you consult with an elder law attorney or Medicaid Planner for your state so that you aren't blindsided by the cost of care and how it will and won't impact you individually.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I am of the belief that a person with dementia should be in Memory Care not Assisted Living.
I think from what you have described his care is beyond what AL would or could do. So in that respect MC would be the better option.
One of the reasons that I do not feel AL is appropriate for dementia patients is it is to easy for them to wander out and get "lost" . But from what you have said I doubt that your husband would be able to wander off.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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My mom lives in a memory care assisted-living facility. We moved her there when she was still mostly self-mobile (she could walk but had fallen a few times at home). She has been at the facility for about 2 1/2 years. She has been a hospice patient for about 1 1/2 years. She doesn't walk anymore and uses a wheelchair, she needs to be transferred on and off the toilet and into and out of bed, and she wears incontinence items. Her memory is increasingly deteriorating, and she's often delusional. The facility's on-site manager and staff seem willing to keep her until she passes away, even though her care requirements have increased. Things aren't perfect, but the facility seems like the best option for mom's and our situation.
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Reply to Rosered6
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You schedule a visit with a couple Memory Care and Assisted Living communities, and talk with an Admissions Director. They will ask about his care needs and will give you guidance as to whether they can adequately manage his needs.

From what you have described here, it sounds as if he will need more skilled nursing and hands-on care than is typically provided with Assisted Living.
And, he will become more dependent over time. Try to find a care facility which offers different levels of care, so that he can easily be transitioned when the time comes.

Is he going up and down stairs daily?! With difficulty? That is incredibly dangerous! Please, try to keep him on the main floor - set up a bed for him, and a commode chair if there is not a first floor bathroom. A fall down the stairs will be disastrous!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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