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She needs to be seen to be able to get help with the excruciating pain when she does try to move. How do we convince her to get an in home visit? She knows she has other issues and they would suggest hospital treatment. She refuses to be put in hospital or home. Wants to die in her house in her chair. Has a sharp mind and is usually in a good mood as long as she can stay put in her chair. She gets up 2 times a day for the bathroom. Each time is a 2 hour painful ordeal. Any suggestions welcome. Thank you

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You cannot convince an unreasonable person of anything. Is she really mentally sharp when she’s not seeing reason and not acting in her own best interests, choosing excruciating pain rather than medical treatment? That doesn’t sound mentally sharp. You have the choice to meet her demands, wearing yourself out and risking injury to you both, or leave her to it alone, letting whatever happen, or calling APS and reporting her situation
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Fawnby Apr 15, 2026
Mom is definitely not mentally sharp!!! I’m glad you pointed it out.
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Don't accept denial of treatment or exams. Take her anyway. Tell her that her dying in her chair is not an option because you said so, just like she told you as a child what was good for you.
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Reply to JustAnon
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If all she wants is pain management minus any hospital care, look into palliative care.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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See if you can get a Hospice RN out to do an evaluation. Perhaps Mom is beginning to decline mentally and the family doesn't see it because they're with her so often. An objective point of the situation would help determine what course of action is needed. Mom might not qualify for Hospice, but perhaps the nurse could convince her to go to the doctor and be relieved of some of her pain.
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Reply to MTNester1
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Tell her that if she continues to refuse medical treatment, she’s going to die in her house in her chair sooner rather than later. And remind her that you don’t want to be the one to find her there. Dead. In her chair.

Who is doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc? If it’s you, stop enabling this farcical fantasy. She shouldn’t be living alone, and her twice-a-day bathroom junkets could result in her falling and dying on the floor, not in her beloved chair. That’s so terribly sad.

Intervention is necessary. I wish you luck in bringing about a more sane approach to her end-of-life plan. You have received some good advice here, so hop to it. I’m very sorry this is happening.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Agree with Daughterof1930.
My aunt is the same way. You cannot convince her of anything and she says she's going to die at home.
I asked her what if that really happens. What if she falls and no one can get to her and she succumbs? She said at least she's in her home and will not have it any other way.
She refuses doctor visits or any care. I did my best but like Daughter mentioned so wisely, "you cannot convince an unreasonable person of anything. You have the choice to meet her demands, wearing yourself out and risking injury to you both, or leave her to it alone, letting whatever happen, or calling APS and reporting her situation".
Put yourself first. Sometimes there's nothing more you can do.
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Reply to Tiredniece23
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If I'm in excruciating pain, I WANT to see a doctor stat to get medication to ease that pain. I question your mother being "mentally sharp" and deathly afraid of hospitals at the same time. If you hold POA, call 911 and tell EMS you think she's suffered a stroke and needs to be seen at the ER immediately. Tell them you're POA so when she argues, you can override her. When you get to the ER, explain the situation and discuss pain meds and hospice or palliative care at home.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I feel for you!

Does she have a walker or wheelchair? Or how does she get to the bathroom and bed?

I would think she would be a major fall risk? If she loses any more mobility, what is her plan? Depends and never leaving the chair?

If she refuses to see a doctor, I assume the only painkillers she can get are over the counter. I like the palliative care suggestion.

My mom uses a walker and is not quite as bad but heading in that direction. Sh also refuses all medical attention. I asked her the other day if she would go to the ER for a broken bone and she said, “it depends on which bone.” She said she would agree to go if she were gushing blood, needed antibiotics, or was in excruciating pain.
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Reply to Suzy23
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