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Where do I start? She can function physically in her apartment with her limited mobility. She can have lucid conversations, take care of her health visits etc. Biggest problem right now is her auditory hallucinations where everyone is plotting against her (constantly). I am in South Florida with my family so a little difficult to manage her issues from here. We do not have room for her here and she cannot tolerate my wife and refuses to have any collaboration with her after many years. We cannot afford assisted living, her SS is slightly above the threshold for Medicaid assistance.

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She shouldn’t be living alone. See elder law atty for plan of action. She needs 24/7 care
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Reply to CaregiverL
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She is not safe living alone.
If she can not leave her apartment without assistance how would she evacuate in an emergency? How or would she call 911 in an emergency?
Her caregivers need to be full time 24/7
Talk to an Elder Care Attorney that can help get her qualified for Medicaid.
You spend down her assets.
You can search to see if there are Group Homs that she may qualify for/afford.
Is it possible that a facility in Florida might be less expensive than a facility in New York. (My bet is yes)
Or an apartment in Florida with caregivers that can be with her. Good possibility that an apartment and caregiver might also be less expensive in Florida than in New York.
Are you POA for mom? If so then moving her is within your scope of doing what you have to do to keep her safe.
If you are not POA and she has no one appointed with dementia you may have to file for Guardianship OR report her as being unsafe and if you can not assume or do not want to assume the role of POA a Court Appointed Guardian will step in. If that happens there is a very good possibility that all decisions will be out of your hands.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It's okay to be above the Medicaid threshold. She will simply need to spend down. Get a lawyer who specializes in Medicaid to help you.
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Reply to jolobo
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She could move in an apartment or assisted living in your area. If she has a house sale it so your mother can be nearer to you so you can check on her. Listen to others there are ways around the system to help. She doesn’t have to reside with u. Cost maybe cheaper. U said she has 4 ppl assisting maybe moving nearer u can check and have 2 add’l assistances
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Reply to Candyapple
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JustAnon 23 hours ago
"After all, she brought u in this world."

What a weird thing to say to a senior citizen. You think you are talking to a teen or 20 something? Her mom is almost 90, so she is probably close to 65. Guilt trips are not needed for people that qualify for senior discount coffee.
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If Mom is a bit/somewhat above the Medicaid level, get funds transferred to you or a trusted friend to reduce her apparent "wealth". That money should be kept in an account separate from the receiver's normal accounts - perhaps a CD. I've seen it done. Only she or a POA can do that, of course. It is her money so you (whomever) could draw from it for some of her needs over time.
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jolobo Jul 11, 2026
No, this is exactly what will cause a Medicaid penalty! You have possibly misunderstood something. You cannot hide money from Medicaid. Also, Medicaid looks back 5 years, so they will see this transfer. Transferring an elderly parent's assets to reduce their "wealth" to qualify for Medicaid is considered an uncompensated transfer or gift. Doing so can trigger a penalty period during which Medicaid will not pay for care. This applies regardless of whether the funds are held in a separate account or CD.
Because these rules are strictly enforced and attempting to hide or transfer assets can lead to severe financial and legal consequences, it is highly recommended that you consult a qualified professional rather than attempting this strategy.
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My 90+ parents lived in the Bronx, NY and their social security was above the Medicaid threshold. Contact an eldercare lawyer in NYC about this situation. Our lawyer applied for Medicaid on behalf of both my parents so that they could both qualify for a nursing home under Medicaid. If my parents could become eligible, your mother can.

And I might add your mother should no longer be living alone. She is a danger to herself and others. This is an emergency. You or a trusted person should be there with her until you get this resolved.

I wish you good luck.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Retty1 Jul 11, 2026
I agree with everything you wrote. I worked in long term care administration for many years.
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Ask yourself this question about safety. If there is a fire, can she get out on her own?
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Reply to MACinCT
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If your Mother doesn't have an assigned PoA then you don't have any power to make her do anything she resists.

Does she have one? If so, this person needs to read the PoA document and find out what triggers the authority (unless it is durable).

Once the PoA is active, there are strategies to getting her relocated. Her having paranoia is a common dementia behavior, usually in the moderate stage.

If the paranoia is a newish behavior, she may have a UTI causing neurological problems and should be tested and could then be treated.

How old is your Mother? Do NOT move her in with you no matter what. If you end up being her legal representative, move her close to where you live no matter what she wants. Caregiving has to happen on the caregiver's terms or else burnout is imminent.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Retty1 Jul 11, 2026
Agree about relocating her close to the son so he can oversee her care in a nursing home.
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Speak with an elder care attorney.
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Reply to JustAnon
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My mom was living in the Bronx before we moved her to assisted living out of state but near me. There is an organization there that can at the very least, point you in the right direction. Here's the info from this very site:

New York Elder Care Consultants. LLC
3110 Fairfeild Ave.
Bronx, NY 10463
New York Elder Care Consultants. LLC provides geriatric care management services to Bronx, NY 10463. A geriatric care manager helps organize an elderly loved one’s total care needs and connects them with resources that might be useful for their situation. After conducting a needs assessment, the geriatric care manager will create a personalized plan that includes all medical, legal, and financial components necessary for the patient’s care. These professionals are a good source of assurance for family members who are overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities or caring for loved ones from a distance.

Your mom needs much more help than she's getting at the moment. And the Miller Trust is not an option for New York residents. Wishing you all the best.
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Reply to puptrnr
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Speak to a Certified Elder Care attorney who may be able to set up a Miller Trust for the overage in funds from moms Social Security payments. This would qualify her for Medicaid and she can be placed in long term care.

In the meantime, it's a good idea to come to Brooklyn and get mom to the doctor for meds to calm down her hallucinations and anxiety. You can meet with the CELA and get things rolling too. She should not be living alone or without help 24/7.

Best of luck to you.
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