So here we are. Pretty much figured this was the place we’d come to. Mom has been in rehab for 2 weeks after her peri prosthetic hip fracture. most of her day is spent being anxious about everything even simple decisions. It’s heartbreaking.
Went to observe therapy yesterday. It’s so sad watching her. She has literally ‘crippling’ anxiety over falling again. It is all consuming for her. She has to be cued by multiple people on what to do to even do the simplest things. All she wants to do is either sit down or lie down. Maybe because I was there they said it was the best she’s ever done since she’s been there. But it took 3 people! And she still wants to put weight on her bad leg. They have to use a lift to get her in a chair or wheelchair most times. She uses the bathroom in her depends or a bedpan.
The social worker said they can only push it out maybe 2 more weeks. obviously because she lives alone she can’t go home and we don’t have the resources physically and limited monetarily to care for her at home. I can only give emotional support to her. I don’t even know with my brother and SIL because they refuse discussions even now and they just left for vacation.
today I will get answers from social work as they will have a meeting with therapy to see what kind of care she will be recommended for.
The situation is a bad one as the family is not really prepared because of failure to communicate despite my practically begging for it. I saw this coming but apparently others refused to see it. But believe me, it’s not about feeling vindicated somehow. It’s a sad place to be.
As a side note, I hope others who are going through this can take a lesson that, in a nutshell, preparation and communication is essential.
Thanks for listening.
I would encourage you to step up, you have the authority, to get mom in the care situation she needs. Then you can back out if brother and sil swoop in and take her home knowing that you have done everything in your power.
Great big warm hug! This is a hard time for all of you. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence and needs no explanation. You know what you can realistically handle with helping your mom, don't let their choices bully you into taking on more. A facility is not the worst thing that can happen to her.
Is mom being seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?
It took two antidepressants and an antianxiety med to get my mom into a fairly non-anxious mindset about rehab.
You have to get family together now, come to the conclusion, and speak to mom with social workers, then get social workers working on finding placement. THEY NEED TIME TO DO THIS.
You have seen it now. You KNOW it. I hope that this will now be addressed because you will end otherwise with them scrambling to find placement and with them charging her for the stay when Medicare stops paying.
DO NOT DELAY. If you are POA you need to do this. If you are NOT, then you need to step away and let the POA know you will not participate in any atttempts for home care.
It sounds like she will need 24/7 care. If you want to put her into a nursing facility, then tell the social worker she is an unsafe discharge because she lives alone and no one will be moving in. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat ad nauseam. Maybe she can help with placement.
If that is not possible then start looking into facilities or a full time care arrangement in-home if she has the money for that.
Make sure her POA, proxy, will and trusts are done before she is too mentally incapacitated to take care of it,
I wish you the best of luck as you navigate this. It isn't easy.
Actions speak louder than words sometimes.
You can now lead as you need to.
Just be aware there are some who dodge decisions in order to blame those who did later. Be wary when they return in case they pull this garbage. Eg WE didn't agree to this. This is is all your fault.
Does your Mom have insight to her situation? Does she have ideas about what she would like to do if she couldn’t cope at home?
I thought my Mother didn't, but when asked, she was quite realistic & said she'd have to move into a Care Home.