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So here we are. Pretty much figured this was the place we’d come to. Mom has been in rehab for 2 weeks after her peri prosthetic hip fracture. most of her day is spent being anxious about everything even simple decisions. It’s heartbreaking.
Went to observe therapy yesterday. It’s so sad watching her. She has literally ‘crippling’ anxiety over falling again. It is all consuming for her. She has to be cued by multiple people on what to do to even do the simplest things. All she wants to do is either sit down or lie down. Maybe because I was there they said it was the best she’s ever done since she’s been there. But it took 3 people! And she still wants to put weight on her bad leg. They have to use a lift to get her in a chair or wheelchair most times. She uses the bathroom in her depends or a bedpan.
The social worker said they can only push it out maybe 2 more weeks. obviously because she lives alone she can’t go home and we don’t have the resources physically and limited monetarily to care for her at home. I can only give emotional support to her. I don’t even know with my brother and SIL because they refuse discussions even now and they just left for vacation.
today I will get answers from social work as they will have a meeting with therapy to see what kind of care she will be recommended for.
The situation is a bad one as the family is not really prepared because of failure to communicate despite my practically begging for it. I saw this coming but apparently others refused to see it. But believe me, it’s not about feeling vindicated somehow. It’s a sad place to be.
As a side note, I hope others who are going through this can take a lesson that, in a nutshell, preparation and communication is essential.
Thanks for listening.

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So Bro & SIL have left.

Actions speak louder than words sometimes.

You can now lead as you need to.

Just be aware there are some who dodge decisions in order to blame those who did later. Be wary when they return in case they pull this garbage. Eg WE didn't agree to this. This is is all your fault.

Does your Mom have insight to her situation? Does she have ideas about what she would like to do if she couldn’t cope at home?

I thought my Mother didn't, but when asked, she was quite realistic & said she'd have to move into a Care Home.
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Your BIL and SIL have checked out. They won't be available for discussions because if they discuss it they have to acknowledge there is a problem that they will have to deal with. That's how I see this.

It sounds like she will need 24/7 care. If you want to put her into a nursing facility, then tell the social worker she is an unsafe discharge because she lives alone and no one will be moving in. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat ad nauseam. Maybe she can help with placement.

If that is not possible then start looking into facilities or a full time care arrangement in-home if she has the money for that.

Make sure her POA, proxy, will and trusts are done before she is too mentally incapacitated to take care of it,

I wish you the best of luck as you navigate this. It isn't easy.
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You will probably Have to Place her if No One can live with her at Home . Forget the other relatives they are on a permanent vacation . You should Not Have to beg to get help . I Tried begging with 3 of my Family members and no one cared or helped me so do your best and be prepared . Ask the case Manager at her rehab to give you a List of skilled Nursing facilities , go On YELP review them , Visit , Talk to the head Person who Manages the SNF . You Can tell By the Nurses who are Nice people , Look at the food , there other People Living There . If she Cant go home alone and take care of herself she will have to be Placed .
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I forget, W. Which of you in the family is POA? Because it is time now, with the discharge coming so close, for all to understand that placement is a necessity. She needs not to come home as that would be heartbreaking for all and would be a crucible as far as finding placement without a social worker to help you.

You have to get family together now, come to the conclusion, and speak to mom with social workers, then get social workers working on finding placement. THEY NEED TIME TO DO THIS.

You have seen it now. You KNOW it. I hope that this will now be addressed because you will end otherwise with them scrambling to find placement and with them charging her for the stay when Medicare stops paying.

DO NOT DELAY. If you are POA you need to do this. If you are NOT, then you need to step away and let the POA know you will not participate in any atttempts for home care.
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Waghmg May 21, 2025
Yes I am ONE of the POAs. Made up my mind I’m running with it. Don’t have to wait for the others. Doing research and reaching out for help. Today will hopefully give more clarity about the situation and options. I’m basically on my own. Thanks for the encouragement. I can do this.
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(((hugs))) W.

Is mom being seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?

It took two antidepressants and an antianxiety med to get my mom into a fairly non-anxious mindset about rehab.
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Waghmg May 21, 2025
no. But I’ll ask when I talk to the social worker. Maybe that might even buy more time to see how she does? Otherwise had no guidance about that.
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Neglected to include mom has been on anxiety meds for a while. They have been tweaking it in rehab facility but I haven’t seen a significant change.
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Is your Mom on anything for her anxiety? If not, why not? I'm not saying it will be the answer to everything but it won't hurt to address this piece. If she's got any cognitive impairment she is less and less able to manage her emotions and thoughts and put things in "perspective". As it seems your Mom won't be able to go home by herself and your Bro and SIL are MIA, you can start researching placement options. My MIL decided to stop getting out of bed when she was in a very nice AL facility due to short-term memory impairment. She skipped MC and went past "GO" and directly into LTC in same excellent place. She was there for 7 years and just passed in December. It was a faith-based facility (part of a large network run by Presbyterian Homes). She was on Medicaid (so it didn't cost anything because she qualified medically and financially). She had a private room (which doesn't always happen on Medicaid), and got fantastic care because as a non-profit the organization sees the care as a mission. Even if she had to pay out of pocket it was not the most expensive place considering what they offered. You can find gems but it may take time. You can get excellent input and recommendations on Nextdoor.com. Doing this research is your contribution and no more than this. I wish you peace in your heart as you navigate your part in this dance with your sibling.
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I’m sorry for all the hurt in this. Now is the time to advocate for what mom needs, not what she wants as that’s no longer possible. My dad reached the same point in rehab, it simply didn’t happen for a combination of factors. If brother changes your decisions that’s on him, you’ll know it’s time to back away. Mom is blessed to have your support and care
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Wag, maybe it would be a good thing for all of this to come to a head while brother is on vacation and better if he can't be reached, then you can tell everyone that she has no care if she goes home and she needs long term placement. Just maybe this is how he gets out of making this hard decision.

I would encourage you to step up, you have the authority, to get mom in the care situation she needs. Then you can back out if brother and sil swoop in and take her home knowing that you have done everything in your power.

Great big warm hug! This is a hard time for all of you. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence and needs no explanation. You know what you can realistically handle with helping your mom, don't let their choices bully you into taking on more. A facility is not the worst thing that can happen to her.
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