I frequently see this mentioned, the fact that caregiving is hard on us middle aged and older people. One specific thing I struggle with is the early morning appointments. So many times in the last few months we've needed to see a dr that is an hour plus drive away, and can't get any appointments other than morning! My body rebels against waking up and being in rush mode to get to elder's house, load her in the car, make the drive and hope for good traffic and weather. I've been watching the tropical system in the Gulf all week in regards to the drive I must make tomorrow morning. I think we will be ok on that at least. Or there was the day of her heart surgery. I was up at 4 am to help her shower (at the hotel room we'd had to get) and be at the hospital at 5 am. The many times the care requires early mornings, sleep disruption, and long days sitting in hospitals .... it's all just wearing on me.
And two weeks ago I got the reminder that I really can never be tasked with care of a bedridden person. I'd spent several hours in an uncomfortable ER chair with elder. She was sent home. I came home, reached under my kitchen cabinet to get a bottle of cleaner to wipe off my Hospital -germy phone, stood up too fast, and back went OUT. On the floor, needed help getting up, etc. My back does this every few years. The last time it happened was a few months after my father's death, when I had been under so much stress and spent so many hours sitting at the hospitals with him.
Anyway, am I the only one who just can't stand the early morning appointments, and the lack of control over making the times more convenient?
Be picky about why she is going to the doc in the first place.
Her hygiene routines may have to be sacrificed or trunkated.
Have her hire aids, consider a facility.
Is hospice an option?
Consider court-assigned guardianship and be done with the hands-on part.
It's not that there aren't solutions. It's that you seem to be having a hard time accepting the solution options that are available. So don't think you need to continue to be a martyr. Are you going to allow yourself to become a trainwreck so that your kids will be burdened (emotionally and/or literally) with your care?
What good will it do if you burnout mentally, emotionally and physically? Everyone loses.