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Hello forum, I am reaching out because I am trying to research support and services for help when it comes time to clean out my mother's home. My mother is still alive, to be clear, and she still lives at her home. She has been emotionally abusive to me my entire life, and I have had to go periods of no contact with her. I am an only child, so I have no siblings to help with what happens when she passes. She lives in a house beyond her means, and she has a TON of stuff. Some it is sentimental and important to me, but beyond that, I literally have panic attacks just thinking about dealing with her house and her physical stuff after she dies. I am looking for suggestions on services, providers, etc. who are focused on helping bereaved adult children deal with their deceased parents homes. Is there a name for that? I have been too traumatized by our relationship over the years to face this by myself, and I can only ask my friends for so much help in this context. I feel like I need a professional to help me with this, because I know I will be completely and totally overwhelmed. I have a therapist, so I am not looking for therapy referrals or anything -- I am literally looking for someone who does the actual sorting, storing, reducing, cleaning, etc. of an existing estate, and in a way that is supportive to those grieving. Thanks in advance!

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It sounds like what you want is an estate sale company. I used one for my dad’s home because it was a large property, packed to the gills and thousands of miles from me.

They will set aside personal things you request as they find them (paperwork, photos). They did everything, sorted through separating what could be sold from trash, organized and held the estate sale, and donated or discarded what was left. When they were done we had an empty house ready to be cleaned and a small check.

When my personality disordered mom finally leaves either this earth or her home I won’t even step foot back in there until I have had an estate company do their thing.
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My husband and his sibings all live in separate States. One 7 hrs from MIL, one 12 hrs from and us 15 hrs. One was still working at the time of MILs death. None of us could stay long enough to clean out. The closest son and POA was recomnended a woman who did it all. We took what we wanted. Sorted thru the pantry and thru out expired stuff. Cleaned out the frig. Got rid of trash while there. The woman and daughter did the rest. She got everything set up for an estate sale. What didn't sell she donated. For $300 extra, she cleaned the whole house for the sale. She got 40% of the profits.
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There are professional organizers in most cities who are experienced in cluttered homes and their clean out. Find one who’s compassionate to help you first find the items important to you and then dispose of the rest. You need not worry about doing this on your own
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Is there any way to get the items you want that are of value to you now? That way mom will not give them away or otherwise get rid of them either forgetting you want things or getting rid of them out of spite.
when the time comes the help of a company that does Estate Sales would be what you would want.
They organize everything and manage the sale. You do pay a hefty % for this though. Much easier than a garage sale if you ask me. I did one, and never again!!!
Some weekend drive around your community, look for the signs indicating there is an Estate Sale. Stop and wander through and see how they operate, talk to those manning the desk and ask for business cards.
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Don’t borrow trouble. Maybe after she dies, the house will catch on fire etc.

I know when my MIL goes, I’m getting a dumpster delivered to the driveway and 95% of her stuff is going on the trash straight away.
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JoAnn29 Jun 13, 2025
My cousin had to do this with his Moms stuff. They did have time to set up an estate sale but there was a shed that had to still be cleaned out. My cousin would stand there "does anyone want this". If not, in the dumpster it went. I got some good stuff.

We always told Mom we would just burn the house down.
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You can refuse an inheritance. Try to get the no-cash-value sentimental items before she passes, if possible. When you do reach the point of inheriting this mess, decide if the work, expense to clean, trauma, etc., are worth the value of the home. It’s only money at that point, so it is worth what it will cost you in every other way?
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Calm health, you can absolutely walk away and never look back at that house and all the stuff in it.

My mom asked me if I wanted her house when she died or anything out of it. I made the mistake of telling her I would like the pictures and I didn't get 1 from our family, 40# of pictures. She sent me ALL of her husband's family and their life together, not a single photo existed from my childhood. I truly wish I wouldn't have given her the opportunity to try and hurt my heart again. It was her favorite thing in the world to try and destroy me, to bad she couldn't see what could have been if she would put her sword down with me.

I am telling you this so you can be prepared in the event your mom erased your memory from everything in her house. I am proof it happens. The crazy thing is we spoke regularly but, she hated me having strong boundaries against her hate towards me.

I pray you are not further hurt by her and her actions.
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Every time I've been involved with "downsizing after death," the first thing arranged was rent a dumpster. They aren't cheap, either. I've seen entire households go into 4-5 dumpsters filled and taken out, costing $700 each time.
You can hire an "Estate Sale" company, who will come in and sort items worth selling, and will donate or toss what doesn't sell.

Bottom line, you will simply hire an Estate service to handle this chore for you. I'd start looking for them now, so you won't fall apart when the time comes. Make a file with all your info, numbers, prices, etc. so you are prepared ahead of time!
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Isthisrealyreal Jun 13, 2025
Dawn, where I live, it can be up to 1 500.00 per load, depending on what company you use. Crazy expensive to throw a house in the dump.
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Estate sale, then donate what's left to a charity such as Habitat for Humanity, then hire a company to do a contractor's clean-out. All gone!
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Auction house and/or estate sale company will haul things off.

Don't expect much money with the sales results.
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Beatty Jun 13, 2025
Agree. I recently got quotes.
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