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My brother lives with my husband and myself. He's 66 has dementia and right side paralysis due to a TBI from 1979. He makes all his own decisions. He does not require a guardian and we want to keep it that way as long as possible. We have siblings in other states but no one close. Brother goes to VA for all medical care. He has no service connected disabilities. I am 68 and in good health but am looking ahead. If something were to happen to me there is no plan in place to help him or my husband with him. Hubby absolutely cannot take care of him. Brother requires 24 hour supervision and guidance. I am contacting AAA in a few days to once again inquire about a contingency plan. The VA told me yesterday that if all else fails, hubby could take him to an ER and refuse to take him back with him explaining that he can't provide the care brother needs. VA rep said hubby might have to be firm. It's a plan but not what I had in mind.
Can someone help me with how I can approach this conversation with AAA? Is there such a thing?
And I apologize if I have posed this question in the wrong category. If it needs to be moved, please do so.
Thank you all for your help.

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There is a "new" program that might be of help. (I put new in quotes as I do not know how long this has been around...I do know that in my area there are not a lot of them)
The VA has Medical Foster Homes.
they provide Private rooms
Home like setting
Supervised setting
There are specific requirements for the home and that may be why there are not a lot of them (one being the home needs to be within a 40 mile service radius of a HBPC (Home Based Primary Care) team
And more.
How this works is a family choses to open their home to a Veteran (or more than 1) and the VA checks and approves the home, checks and approves the family.
the Veteran pays the family. The cost would be less than a regular facility.

If you want more info
Medical Foster Home Program Coordinator
224-610-3784
John Zidek, LCSW
John.Zidek@va.gov

The other thing you should do is talk to an attorney and have a plan in place and someone that can be named in an event of an emergency on your part.
At what point will he need a Guardian?
With the TBI is he LEGALLY able to make decisions? By that I mean if an Attorney or anyone else talked to him would he be competent to answer questions (under pressure or in a stressful setting?)
Far better to get this done and not need it or need it and not have a plan in place.

As far as his "service connected disability" status...keep checking that, the VA is always adding conditions that may have excluded a condition in the past but is now included.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954
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The only AAA I'm familiar with is a motor club company, which obviously has nothing to do with health care, so can you please explain what AAA is in your world so we can better help you?
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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What does AAA mean?

Aid And Attendance?

Or, Area Agency on Aging?

Neither of those will be helpful.

Get him assessed for LTC by a doctor. Then I would find a good, local LTC facility that accepts Medicaid and get him in on private pay until he is a few months away from running out of all his money (except about $2k, but this varies by state). Then apply for Medicaid for him (you don't need to be his PoA or guardian). Once on Medicaid he will receive all the same care at the same facility.

If he already doesn't have the money then you may still be able to get him on a waiting list in a good quality facility. Look for faith-based ones (in my personal experience they give better care).

If you leave him in the ER he will most certainly go to a county-run Medicaid facility and they are mostly not good quality.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Kay418 Aug 15, 2026
Hi Geaton777. Apologies. I guess I did not explain well. AAA is Area Agency on Aging. I live in Pennsylvania. I do not want him placed now. I am hoping to put a plan in place in the event something happened to me. My husband cannot care for my brother. As it stands now I am consistently being told nothing can be put in place until something happens. I was hoping to establish a person/Agency that would be familiar with my brother. I approached AAA two years ago but I worded my conversation terribly. They thought I was looking for a "bed hold" type scenario at a nursing home. Of course they can't do that and I understand. Maybe my question to this forum should be changed. I have the cognitive test recorded for last 3 years. I have the things he requires daily assistance with recorded in his VA records. I am contacting the local AAA to see what he actually qualifies for but more importantly, what we can do now to facilitate his move should something happen to me. I was hoping someone here would have some words of advice or insight. I am in good health. He does not have a guardian. He would only go to nursing home if something happened to me.
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I understand you and your brother not wanting him to be under a guardianship for as long as possible. But it seems that your husband (and your other siblings?) cannot be relied on to help your brother at all if something happens to you. For example, if you make a plan for your brother and you die suddenly, would your husband even follow the plan?
Thus, I think you might want to initiate moving your brother into some type of supported living situation, such as an assisted-living facility. Whether or not you do this, I think you should talk to a lawyer about getting some financial protections in place for your brother. That might involve setting up a trust for him, and you deciding whether you want to leave money or other assets to him when you die.
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Reply to Rosered6
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Denentia and he make his own decisions. I hope you have POA for him, financially and medically. You husband should be backup. As a person who has a disabled nephew with a Neurological problem that will cause Dementia sooner than later, I would get brother placed now. Don't leave the problem for your husband to sort out. From what you discribe, your brother is 24/7 care and over 65. He could be placed in a nice LTC. Maybe a group home somewhere. Believe me, he is not going to get better and you are getting older.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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