Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Hello. My mom with dementia has been in a home for almost a year. She hates the place and hates being locked down. She is getting more determined to return to her home. To be fair she is a very sweet and long suffering lady. I'm guessing from previous posts that there is no way to continue her care at home with a live in aide. I have contacted the NH's social worker but it is hard to get a return call. Still hoping. I was going to ask if her meds can be adjusted to help settle her. She does not participate in activities and prefers to stay in bed. This is troubling. I tried sending her things like large piece puzzles, snacks, clothes but nothing seems to help long term. I am getting a notebook so I can remote log in and play videos for her. Today a visiting friend said she was so frustrated that she did not want to eat and became exhausted. Honestly I wonder if a couple of years at home would be better than who knows how many unhappy years in a NH? Not sure what to do for her. Any Ideas would be appreciated.
Wanting to "go home" is part of Sundowning, which is a very common phase of dementia. Often the elder wants to go to a childhood home or a home in their distant past where they felt safe. My very elderly Aunt with advanced dementia wanted to "go home" every afternoon like clockwork, while sitting in the home she lived in since 1975. No amount of convincing her she WAS home changed her agitation. She was even on meds. Eventually when her dementia progresses she will move past this.
DO NOT entertain bringing her back to her home. Maybe consider relocating her to a facility near you. I realize this is a long-distance move and a lot of grief and one-time effort but once she's in proximity then her care will become easier for you. Of course she won't like it but caregiving happens on the caregiver's terms or else burnout is likely.
Don’t even think about how “to continue her care at home with a live in aide”. It’s 3 shifts every week day and night, and 6 shifts for the weekend – ruinously expensive. And she would still be 'locked down' if she was at home.
Explain this to her, and say that there is no way she is going to be able to leave. It's up to her to make the best of things. Staying in bed and refusing to eat is up to her. Forget about the puzzles, lay it on the line about the (very limited) options and ask her what she wants to do with the time she has got. You aren't in charge, it's up to her.
Yes, medication adjustments can help. Also, do you know for sure that she is not participating in the activities? It is somewhat common for residents to be well-adjusted and participatory but still complain to family members and friends.
No don't bring her home. She is safe and is being cared for 24/7. You alone cannot provide her the level of care she is receiving. She is healthier being in the NH because she has better routine nursing care available to her which she would not have in an in home setting.
You can try to have her meds adjusted and see if that helps. It would be nice for her to have a better quality of life and participate more. If you can't make it happen try to understand that some things can't be fixed and give up on it and be at peace. It is no reflection on you that she is losing interest in living.
My father is in a NH nearly 3.5 years and I used to visit my father pretty often and observed that most of the residents who were sitting through the social activities had checked out, my father included. Very few really participate, most sleep or stare off into space, just so you know.
Visit and treat her with love and kindness. Try not to feel guilty. This is not your fault.
Unfortunately there is not much you can do to make her happy. What you need to focus on is that she is safer and her needs are being met better at the NH than if she were at home where she wouldn'tbe able to afford 24/7 care. She would be in the same situation in a matter of time.
The video idea is nice idea, but will she be able to operate the device?
Absolutely request that her meds be adjusted due to anxiety and anger.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
DO NOT entertain bringing her back to her home. Maybe consider relocating her to a facility near you. I realize this is a long-distance move and a lot of grief and one-time effort but once she's in proximity then her care will become easier for you. Of course she won't like it but caregiving happens on the caregiver's terms or else burnout is likely.
Explain this to her, and say that there is no way she is going to be able to leave. It's up to her to make the best of things. Staying in bed and refusing to eat is up to her. Forget about the puzzles, lay it on the line about the (very limited) options and ask her what she wants to do with the time she has got. You aren't in charge, it's up to her.
You can try to have her meds adjusted and see if that helps. It would be nice for her to have a better quality of life and participate more. If you can't make it happen try to understand that some things can't be fixed and give up on it and be at peace. It is no reflection on you that she is losing interest in living.
My father is in a NH nearly 3.5 years and I used to visit my father pretty often and observed that most of the residents who were sitting through the social activities had checked out, my father included. Very few really participate, most sleep or stare off into space, just so you know.
Visit and treat her with love and kindness. Try not to feel guilty. This is not your fault.
The video idea is nice idea, but will she be able to operate the device?
Absolutely request that her meds be adjusted due to anxiety and anger.