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I have met them. It’s like he has a life with me and a life with them. I have really gotten depressed about it lately. My dad died and I feel I am too old to settle for all this ?? I told him it hurts and literally begged for counseling for us to discuss some issues. He Never will. Should I just give up?

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This obviously isn't a caregiver issue but yet another relationship issue.
Yes you are too "old"(your term not mine)to settle for less than you deserve.
Kick this loser to the curb, and get on worth living and enjoying this one life you've been given.
You deserve better!!!
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Are you married to SO, just living together or living separately. IMO, this should have been settled a long time ago. Maybe you have lucked out. I have found that having in-laws is not what its cracked up to be. You may be better off not getting to close to his side. Maybe his kids are not happy he moved on.
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Jan1358 Jul 15, 2025
Not married. Live together and you r correct. This should have been dealt with. In examining the past, I realize I never stood my ground and let it go on. I don’t really want it I guess anymore but I complain and feel unimportant. I need to change the picture in my head… bc that fairy tale isn’t happening. It’s just hard. Thank u
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Hi Jan. Welcome here. Firstly, I have not been in your exact shoes. I’m 61y, just for context. I think what you are seeing is what your partner wants or at least allows. I can understand your perspective of feeling excluded. It’s up to you whether this situation is acceptable to you. Do the pros outweigh the cons of staying in a relationship? It’s also a Golden opportunity for you to explore friendships and community with other people, not your partner’s family. Maybe a neighbor? Church group? On line group? If you live in a big city, many options. If a small town, look for groups to join or go on a bus trip by yourself or go to the larger city near you for an overnight getaway. You can not change your partner. You can do whatever you want. You are not saddled with any responsibility for his family or relations because they have made it clear that is what they want. Take the good, release the bad.
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Jan1358 Jul 15, 2025
I think u are spot on. I cannot change him and I need to work on my life. Thank you sincerely. I think I am somewhat lonely.
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Oftentimes blending families is not the Hallmark movie you think it'll be. Many times these grown children act more like babies and throw tantrums and create unnecessary drama. Perhaps your partner is doing you a favor here and you're unaware of it.

What is his reason for refusing to include you in with his children and grandchildrens gatherings? What does he say when you tell him you feel hurt by being excluded?
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Jan1358 Jul 15, 2025
He says he is embarrassed. I try to be supportive but truth be told, that ship has sailed ( to be part of it). He probably is doing me a favor. I need to focus on happiness. Thank u
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Jan, he's doing you a favor. Nothing is worse than being around a partner's children who don't want you there. They can be brutal. That being said, your partner should have made it clear to them that you are part of his life, that he loves you, and that if you are not welcome, he's not going. That's what a stand-up guy would do.

Have you ever been on a trip by yourself? Like on a motor coach excursion with others that you may or may not know? Or to a museum or church service concert that you never would have thought of attending before? Next time he plans a gathering with his peeps, inform him that you'll be occupied elsewhere and not to worry about you, he should go have a good time with his family. If you want to take a friend on your adventure, do it.

Labor Day is coming up. Scout out some activities. Plan a picnic with your own family. Attend a community band concert outside. No reason to sulk and resent his family. No, I take that back. Resent them all you want, but have fun somewhere else. If he's not planning Labor Day with family, go out by yourself anyway. Maybe you'll meet a nicer guy who likes you. Why not? The new guy might have a pickup truck, and a couple of trips could move you to his house. Isn't an easy out one of the reasons you didn't marry the current partner? Buh-bye!
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You should do what will make you happy.
You will not change other people and their decisions. Your choice is to live with their decisions or to choose not to.

You have your family and you have apparently an otherwise good relationship with this man (???) What need have you of his family.

Hopefully WE ALL have other lives outside our lives with the partner we share things with. We do not have to be joined at the hip with our partners to have a good, solid, supportive and content life with them.
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