I have met them. It’s like he has a life with me and a life with them. I have really gotten depressed about it lately. My dad died and I feel I am too old to settle for all this ?? I told him it hurts and literally begged for counseling for us to discuss some issues. He Never will. Should I just give up?
You will not change other people and their decisions. Your choice is to live with their decisions or to choose not to.
You have your family and you have apparently an otherwise good relationship with this man (???) What need have you of his family.
Hopefully WE ALL have other lives outside our lives with the partner we share things with. We do not have to be joined at the hip with our partners to have a good, solid, supportive and content life with them.
Have you ever been on a trip by yourself? Like on a motor coach excursion with others that you may or may not know? Or to a museum or church service concert that you never would have thought of attending before? Next time he plans a gathering with his peeps, inform him that you'll be occupied elsewhere and not to worry about you, he should go have a good time with his family. If you want to take a friend on your adventure, do it.
Labor Day is coming up. Scout out some activities. Plan a picnic with your own family. Attend a community band concert outside. No reason to sulk and resent his family. No, I take that back. Resent them all you want, but have fun somewhere else. If he's not planning Labor Day with family, go out by yourself anyway. Maybe you'll meet a nicer guy who likes you. Why not? The new guy might have a pickup truck, and a couple of trips could move you to his house. Isn't an easy out one of the reasons you didn't marry the current partner? Buh-bye!
What is his reason for refusing to include you in with his children and grandchildrens gatherings? What does he say when you tell him you feel hurt by being excluded?
Yes you are too "old"(your term not mine)to settle for less than you deserve.
Kick this loser to the curb, and get on worth living and enjoying this one life you've been given.
You deserve better!!!