My mom has CHF and also an abscess from diverticulitis. She has been in the hospital twice or have a drain put in and once hospitalized for CHF in the past 3 months. Now it looks like she is getting sick again with the abscess. I am the sole caregiver and I’m at a loss of what to do, My health is being affected and my marriage is being destroyed. She is 86, lives with me and has always been an unhappy person. She depends on me to do or help her do everything. Should I use hospice now?
Your Mom can go in on self pay until she is close to running out of money, then you apply for Medicaid for her. I'm so sorry for this situation. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
Please get your mom out of your house ASAP and start working on saving your marriage, as you married your husband, not your mom.
The help, support and supplies and equipment that Hospice provides is immeasurable.
You have to be ready for the possibility that there will be no more surgery. there will be no more ER visits.
Hospice will treat infections.
The goal with Hospice is comfort.
I will say that if mom is cognizant this is also her decision to make. You might want to talk to her about the options. The Nurse that visits will also explain Hospice and what they will do and how they will help.
Has her doctor at all mentioned Hospice? Generally the doctor will refer to Hospice BUT a nurse can contact the doctor and get information and a verbal confirmation as to the diagnosis and other details.
You definitely have your priorities screwed up.
That is unless you've not wanted your marriage to last anyway. Things that make you go hmmm....
Bring hospice in and avail yourself of their advice. They'll suggest options, one of which may be that you don't treat any new abcess. It's so painful for her, and she has little probability of a normal life anymore. She's had a long life, and you've taken good care of her. Let her go quietly and in peace.
My husband is currently in hospice care. If his situation were like your mom's, that's what I would do. And that's what he would want me to do, which I know because we discussed it before he ever got sick.
Home hospice is generally a nurse once per week for half an hour (and for emergencies) and an aide twice per week to bathe them and do whatever else (change sheets, laundry). If you are at the end of your rope, this will not be enough. you either need additional time from aides (who will have to be paid, preferably from her funds) or residential hospice site. I recommend the latter. You can still visit her as much as you wish, generally even 24/7. They will call you if her status changes.
Everyone dies. It sounds like her time is coming soon. But you need to minimize the strain on YOURSELF and your marriage as your goal should be both survive her. If you are afraid she will hate you for doing what is best for everyone in this situation, it seems like her good opinion is really not worth having.
best wishes. You will get through this.
You need to seek peace for you and your husband. Please take his feelings into account.
Does Mom have money? Enough to put her in a facility on hospice? You don't have to have Dementia for Medicaid to pay for her care in a Longterm facility. If Mom needs 24/7 care that will gualify her. Why do you think she does not qualify?